How on earth did they cope...

[Theyshallnotgrowold]

I've been researching my family tree and looking at the 1841 census got me thinking. The woman at home, seven kids under 10 crammed into two rooms, husband out all hours scraping a living. No accessible healthcare, heating, bathroom, electric, running water, modern appliances, convince food - the list goes on. I'm in awe of them.

This still happens in the UK.

@Shunkleisshiny I think survived by own means often meant that they had some kind of pot of money themselves rather than accessing the poor fund so it could be - hopefully - that she was okay.

My great (x4) grandma lost 6 of her children to cholera . Heartbreaking.

You don’t have to go back to 1841. I can recall much of what you’ve written about as part of my living memory and I’m only 64.

I would have read this as prostitution actually.
I know that's possible but it's more likely that she did whatever was available - laundry, cleaning etc. I think it means that she didn't have a particular profession and didn't rely on a husband either.

It can mean they were self sufficient: often an inheritance.

rags that had to be pounded with a poss stick in a wash tub

Goodness, it’s a while since I’ve heard the term ‘possing’ for doing the laundry.

No choice, I guess. And not being much different to those living around them so nothing to compare to.

I agree with you.

OP, you might find The Christian Watt papers interesting, if you can get a copy... en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_Watt

‘Round about a pound a week’ published by Persephone is a really interesting factual read of what life was like in 1910 for fairly respectably paid working class London families.

You do all know that this is how billions of people in the world still live right now ? In poverty, with little control over their lives ? multiple children, high death rates and eking out an existence as best they can with the meagre resources that are available to them?

To be honest its typical of someone on this site to say that

Living on own means is seen over lots of and lots of census records (Ive been tracing my family history for over 20 years) and it usually means that they have some independent income, perhaps from a life insurance or small endowment or they take lodgers in etc.

Yes, tons of children, no money and lots of death and deprivation but they did 'cope' and its somewhat patronising of posters here to imply that they cant possibly have enjoyed life or had pleasure or seen themselves as other than simply surviving , they will have sung songs, enjoyed trinkets, loved each other etc

And to answer another point of course they had 'time' to feel grief and often many went mad with it (one of my ancestors ended up in Broadmoor, went mad with grief and shot a policeman), or took to drink, became depressed etc etc.

Why would you end up in the asylum that’s a pretty stupid and ignorant thing to say, pretty much as your post smh

Also People of the Abyss is a great book, it has received some criticism over the years because he was a journalist and reviewers say he might have embellished details but I found it fascinating

Yes my dgm was a maternity nurse and even in the 20/30/40s the babies may have been only given water if they couldn't survive itms

re coping... the older siblings helped a lot with younger ones.

By age 12-14 the kids were working FT, bringing an income in or in the family business.

All the same sex kids shared a bed, younger kids might be in a mixed sex single bed with each other.

With so many on top of each other, their own body heat kept the place warm.

There wasn't spare food so no need for big space to store spare food in.
Each kid might have 3 outfits: something to sleep in that was extra layers in cold weather, day clothes, Sunday best. Maximum 2 prs of shoes each and shoes would be repaired & shared quite a bit. Little to store. Spare pants were a luxury. My step-grand-father in G.Depression had no shoes at times. Wasn't uncommon for kids to have no shoes.

Each kid might have 1 or 2 toys, often random small things; they literally got by with so little space because they had so few possessions.

I wonder about things like toilet training, toileting in general, trying to cook for a huge brood, in the sort of one room shack Dolly Parton & her 11 (?) siblings grew up in. Maybe someone has been to Dollywood & can comment on the practical aspects. People in tropical city slums have the same issues Now, lots of people in a small space.

Death... it was God's will and they were in a better place. People died all the time, it wasn't unusual for children to die.

My DGM was born prematurely in the 30s and the hospital told her mother to take her home and that she would die. She's still here.

Thanks to everyone who has shared their stories 💐

Blimey, two bed cottage, outside loo, tin bath, 3 generations, (great grandfather, parents, me and my sister) I'm early 60s. This was early 1960s. It was how normal people lived, and we just got on with it. I genuinely don't understand how we have become so feeble in 60 years.

My DGM and siblings slept with coats and rugs off the floor on the beds in the thirties and forties. Her eldest brother worked before school at age 12 to earn money to give their mother. My DGF often had no shoes in the forties and was not allowed to attend school barefoot. His mother took in other people's washing and ironing, with eight living children of her own to wash for.

My husband (61) grew up in a household like that. They lived with grandparents until his parents got a council house.

Who was it that said the past is another country? So true.

Yes, we do know.

But this thread is in the 'Genealogy' topic, hence people discussing what they've discovered about the history of their own families, and how hard it must have been for their own ancestors.

I suppose, and I know it seems horrible to say it, but you just didn't allow yourself to get as attached to your children. You were probably going to have at least 5 (no contraception) and many would die.

Um, no. You grieved. You just got through it. Read Anne of the Island when her first baby died - you have to read between the lines but it's there. Read about Charles Darwin who was never the same person after his young daughter died. They grieved differently, with a premium placed on acknowledging and supporting but then encouraging people to continue normal life, not to cry and 'dwell' but to continue normal routines and to seek comfort in religion or rituals. I'm not going to say it was better grieving than ours, but I'm not sure it was worse.

My great aunt was being driven along a track road one day in the 40s in another country. Her husband was driving, her two young children were in the back, and she was pregnant. The weather deteriorated with a sudden monsoon type storm. The car went off the edge of the road into a flooded quarry. Her husband and children died, she got out and survived, and brought up her daughter on her own, living to a very great age. I never knew her mention this story to anyone, I found out about it long after she died.