How on earth did they cope...

[Theyshallnotgrowold]

I've been researching my family tree and looking at the 1841 census got me thinking. The woman at home, seven kids under 10 crammed into two rooms, husband out all hours scraping a living. No accessible healthcare, heating, bathroom, electric, running water, modern appliances, convince food - the list goes on. I'm in awe of them.

(Convenience foods!)

Not quite the same point, but in St Paul’s there’s a memorial to the 10 children of a church warden who all died before the age of 5, over about 15 years in the 19th century.

Every time I go past I think about the trauma for that poor family.

Why are you assuming that they did cope?

I guess there isn’t a choice. What’s the alternative to coping?

Continuing to be alive irrespective of how shit your life is and coping are not actually the same thing though, are they?

Excellent points, I know I'd definitely end up in the asylum sooner or later.

@Violettaa That poor family, I can't even begin to imagine what they went through.

My sister researched our Dad's side of the family, and his elderly grandmother went blind and in the parish records it said 'She survived by her own means'. That really tugged at my heart when I heard that, what on earth did she do? beg? sold matches?
It seems silly to be upset about a relative I never knew and who lived a long time ago, but I can't even begin to imagine how harsh life could be without the help and benefits we have in place now.

I would have read this as prostitution actually.

You would do everything you could to avoid going to an asylum. You wouldn't get out alive, and be tortured whilst there under the guise of treatments.

You also would try your hardest to avoid debtors prison which is why so many children were sent out to work. I believe children as young as four "helped" the chimney sweepers etc.

This hits home in this day and age when all that seems to matter is the latest phone and fashion.

I’m in awe of my ancestors to be honest. And everyone else’s!

I once read something which said grieving used to be easier as there were no photos/videos or many belongings to remind you of the deceased person. Or much time to think about them really. It was like they vanished and then busy life carried on, and the memories faded.

My granny was born in 1888 and I knew her 🙂

She was one of 16 in a 2 roomed house and 9 of her siblings died. Her sister married, had 2 babies and then died from TB soon after having the second. Then her youngest baby died from TB aged 2. Her husband, now a single parent to one boy, remarried and they had 6 babies who all died under a year of age, his second wife dying in childbirth and finally, the remaining 17yr old child died. He was knocked down by a Royal Mail cart on his way to the pit and then in hospital, caught TB.

Granny said it was hard, relentless, soul destroying and cruel. She lost a child of her own, had a seriously disabled son who she cared for for life and her husband was killed in an avoidable pit accident and they tried to blame the miners. Thank heavens for the Labour Party who fought for them.

@Pixiedust1234 Yes, I've heard they were horrifying and found a few relatives that did end up there, poor things (as well as the workhouses).

@crazeekat I agree and looking back at the past puts all our modern day problems into perspective.

Other family members were in the workhouse, lived in poverty, ended up in trouble for stealing food. It's entirely depressing looking back.

@ShowOfHands 💔Utterly heartbreaking stuff.

My maternal grandmother had ten children, my mum being the youngest by five years. My grandmother had a very hard life. By the time mum came along, things had eased somewhat but her older brothers and sisters remembered how difficult it was, they were so hard up.

I wouldn't go back to those days for anything.

I'm sorry but that's complete nonsense. Humans grieve because we love not because we have photos.

We have archaeological evidence indicating the traumatic impact of bereavement going back thousands of years.

Grief after loss is the thread connecting all humans.

Mum is the youngest of ten. Three bed house, outside loo, tin bath in front of the fire.... She's only in her mid eighties!

Very grim times for lots of people.
Children as young as 5 had to work down the coal mines.
Now we hear parents moaning because their child got told off for mis behaving at school. Ridiculous when you think about it.
I also believe this is one of the reasons religion was rammed down peoples throat’s so to speak. When the poor questioned why life was so grim, the rich would tell them it is ‘God’s wii.’

They got by because they had too. Most were in the same boat. My grandad was born in the 1880s and started work age 12. Previous generations would have started younger than that. My dad was born in 1929, there were 10 siblings, no such luxury as inside toilets, they shared a toilet with the whole street.
One of my dad's favourite sayings to us kids were "you don't know your born, you lot "
I always rolled my eyes at him but realise now how right he was

I’m not saying they didn’t grieve but they had less time to wallow in their feelings, so to speak.

One of my ancestors in the 1800s had about 10 kids and her husband died suddenly whilst she was 8 months pregnant. And she was left with the family farm to run.

I also found one great grandmother had a nervous breakdown after her child died and her husband was in the army, and another ended up in a mental hospital, she had 13 kids in a 2 up 2 down.

I came across so many sad stories in my research including multiple children in the same family dying or women dying in child birth, it really humbled me and made me realise life now is pretty good. They had it bad.

I think they just had to get on with it, there was no other option, no NHS, no state help to fall back on. They also had more support though from their large families, close communities, the church etc. I think we are worse in that sense.

My paternal grandma's house was like this when I was a child in the 1970s.

I come from quite a well off family so am more in awe of those who slogged to keep them in comfort than of them.

But still... a harder life, even so. My great grandmother had a mental breakdown after her sixth and youngest child viciously attacked one of his sisters, and by all accounts she never recovered. No treatment to speak of and it was a deadly secret in the family in case it affected the girls' chances of marrying.

No accessible healthcare, heating, bathroom, electric, running water, modern appliances, convince food - the list goes on. I'm in awe of them.

My grandparents lived very simply (and were poor with many kids). They all had a bath once a week (in the same water). Their clothes were washed once a week (socks and underwear were boiled and you could smell the soap throughout the house). They grew a lot of their own vegetables and had a pear tree and I think an apple tree on their plot. They had a coal fire for warmth. I remember they had three wells with water but didn't use one of them (probably bad water?). They conserved a lot of food for winter and wrapped the apples in newspaper and put them in a dry place to keep. Grandad made his own soles. I don't remember how or what from though. I think it was rope but not sure.

My grandad was also known to sometimes catch a rabbit or pheasant. They had chickens. They didn't eat much meat, although they did eat many eggs, went to bed early and got up early. No electricity so the evenings were boring according to mum, so after reading a bit in the light of an oil lamp, going to bed early was the easy option.

They didn't spend a lot of time on their appearance unless going to a wedding or church, and then just being clean and shaven in neat (newish) clothes was enough. No make up, nail polish or hair dos. My gran wore a dress or skirt with blouse and an apron in her day-to-day life and had her hair in a bun. That was it. In the morning just brush teeth, splash face, brush hair and get dressed.

They worked hard at home and the vegetable plot when they could. They were deeply religious and happy with their lot. They seemed very much in love and grandad never got over grannies death. It was a hard working life compared to now but they had a happy life with each other and loved having many children and grandchildren.

I'm glad that grandad grew really old and I got to see his lifestyle and way of thinking. It taught me a lot about daily necessities and I can more easily do without modern things.