Genealogy
Finding missing grandfather
ValerieCupcake · 17/05/2022 23:06
I have no idea who my paternal grandfather was. My dad never told us. His mother was unmarried when he was born. She married 6 years later and had other children. I did a DNA Ancestry test, two close matches came up but these are related through my mum and I know who they are.
How would I even start to find this out please?
Cafetropical · 17/05/2022 23:30
Order the birth certificate online? It might say the father's name.
ValerieCupcake · 18/05/2022 01:22
Cafetropical · 17/05/2022 23:30
Order the birth certificate online? It might say the father's name.
Already did and it is blank.
KloppsTeeth · 18/05/2022 01:30
Is your mum still alive? If she would also do an Ancestry DNA test it would separate any results to “mother’s side” so you can separate out the paternal line.
i love mysteries like this. Apart from the close matches who you know, what is the next level of matches? Ideally second cousin matches can help you narrow it down. I’ve helped my friend find her likely (but deceased) paternal grandfather in the same circumstances, unknown father. Happy to help if I can.
Rebeccasmoonnecklace · 18/05/2022 01:40
My friend downloaded his Ancestry DNA data to the MyHeritage site and found a half-sibling and 1st cousin that were not on Ancestry. That may be worth a try for you.
Cafetropical · 18/05/2022 07:19
Ah ok then! You could also try 23 and me? Might have different matches.
CaperCaper · 18/05/2022 07:22
Google the 'Leeds method' for separating your dna matches in ancestry. You should have four groups of people, one for each grandparent.
I found my maternal grandparent when a half cousin tested and so hopefully you will have at least one close dna match which could help you figure it out.
ValerieCupcake · 18/05/2022 11:08
KloppsTeeth · 18/05/2022 01:30
Is your mum still alive? If she would also do an Ancestry DNA test it would separate any results to “mother’s side” so you can separate out the paternal line.
i love mysteries like this. Apart from the close matches who you know, what is the next level of matches? Ideally second cousin matches can help you narrow it down. I’ve helped my friend find her likely (but deceased) paternal grandfather in the same circumstances, unknown father. Happy to help if I can.
No my parents are both dead, have an aunt but she is on the other side of the family.
ValerieCupcake · 26/05/2022 12:09
CaperCaper · 18/05/2022 07:22
Google the 'Leeds method' for separating your dna matches in ancestry. You should have four groups of people, one for each grandparent.
I found my maternal grandparent when a half cousin tested and so hopefully you will have at least one close dna match which could help you figure it out.
Think I am getting somewhere with this. Identified nine possible half siblings for my father. Four on one side and five on another. His parents married other people. I think I have identified the missing grandfather. But there is a twist. His grandmother was murdered by her husband. This was his mother's stepfather not biological father. I wasn't expecting that.
ValerieCupcake · 26/05/2022 12:10
Well I say murdered, he was hanged for it. I think it was manslaughter. He seemed to flip even though he had form. He is the sort of guy that we would read about on Mumsnet.
CaperCaper · 27/05/2022 19:14
There should be a health warning on DNA tests...all the skeletons tumble out of the cupboard!
ValerieCupcake · 31/05/2022 08:30
@KloppsTeeth I think I have cracked the mystery.
There were two female matches as potential second cousins or half first cousins.
I began following up the potential half siblings using Ancestry. I then looked up their children on Facebook. One of them is one of the people who made the Ancestry tree. Two of the potential half siblings have died. Of the rest one is in Australia and the other is in Canterbury. Very close to where I live. I have found some of their children on Facebook. I've messaged the son of one of the brothers and daughter of the other brother. They are in Australia. One of the brothers died recently.
Of the two sisters, one is alive and well so is her husband. I messaged both their children. They've not seen it yet it has gone into their message requests. I saw some pictures of the potential half uncle in Australia. He looks just like my dad.
The other deceased sister had a son and a daughter. They became teachers. The daughter is very senior in education management.
I'm not bothered one way or another if they want a friendship. If they do fine. If they don't fine too. Doesn't matter. The mystery was the thing. I have messaged and simply said it is a DNA match and could we chat about the mystery.
The four half siblings have all seemed to have really successful lives and so have their kids. This is a big contrast to me and my family. If these are related and I think there is no doubt they are it is a big contributor to Nature v Nurture debate.
My dad was useless. He wouldn't go to work half the time. House was a mess and mum and I were abused. My childhood was terrible. Grew up in emotional and practical poverty. I have been far less successful than my "cousins". Making wrong choices leading to wrong relationships and wrong jobs. Having to keep starting again and trying to sort out the emotional and financial mess this caused each time. Now I have my own house but it is like a rabbit hutch. Very small but no woodchip on the wall. I have a good job but it has taken a very long time to get it. Lots of false starts on the way and mucking up.
I don't have any rancour towards any of these people and it was good to see how they have all had good lives. I'm pleased. I'm also pleased to find my missing ancestry. I hope I have not opened up a can of worms for them.
But it brings up other things. Why my dad was an arsehole and these people clearly were not. I don't know if he knew about them or not. I doubt it. I don't know if they know about him. He is 9 years older than the oldest of the four siblings. He was the result of a teenage fling I think. They couldn't bring him up. His dad moved on and his mum had a family with someone else. Their oldest was 8 years younger than my dad. I never knew any of them. His aunt and uncle brought him up and something caused him to become an arsehole.
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