Have also posted in AIBU as I needed a 'reaction' but if you good people could help I'd be so chuffed. Didn't realise this board existed. This is a C&P of my original post:
Sorry – a bit of War and Peace… but I hope this may be life changing for me.
My father left when I was very small (I’m now 47) and there was NC for many years until I found him through other rellies when I was 14. Background info – I have a great relationship with my mum. No ‘full’ DS or DB. Discussion around father when I was young a no-go area due to living with my grandmother and her vitriolic hatred for dad (due to him leaving mum).
After finding dad, forged a decent enough relationship but he was living back in Australia so from the UK it was not ideal. I also forged a good relationship with my (then) step mum, and when she was travelling Europe when I was 24 I met up with her. She’d by then split up with DF.
As we were having lunch and talking about Dad (she was still obsessed with him) I said something along the lines of ‘wouldn’t it be weird if there were more of ‘me’?’ to which she almost dropped her drink and said ‘Don’t you know?’. Dropped a bollock there, then.
Long and short of it – Dad had a son before he married my mum. I was half furious and half delighted and asap went to mum’s to ask her. She was so shocked I knew. I didn’t blame her, she had her reasons for not telling me. Then raised it with Dad (pre internet – so by letter) – little information. Turns out he’d parted from brother’s mother fairly swiftly and no real contact after the age of approximately 11 by which time I was born. Mum knew at that stage.
I eventually got to meet my dad when I was 26, flew out to Aus. He evaded the questions and made light of the fact that ‘there are probably more in Sydney’ (he was based in Melbourne). The visit is another story altogether.
Dad died in 2002 under tragic circumstances. Went back out to manage the estate and found nothing relevant in his paperwork apart from a couple of photos.
Have asked other rellies including my Uncle (his brother) – no information. I know his first name, his approximate DOB (year) and that’s about it. Nothing apart from one photo I carry around with me of Dad and my brother in about 1972.
I’ve tried: Salvation Army (won’t help as my dad and brother’s mother not married at time of birth – WTF); free birth records online – think I’ve got as far as determining definite DOB if brother is using my birth surname too; DNA match – nothing.
AIBU to continue my search or is it fruitless? And please, please, if you have any other ideas on how I can find him, please tell me (preferably those that I don’t have to take out another mortgage for). I feel I still ‘need’ to know. I don’t think he knows about me though.
Thank you and sorry for the essay….