Using two surnames (double-barrel) - which order?

[ObaDee]

I have just got married and have decided to double barrel my surname without a hyphen. DH will keep his surname as it is, as will our two children who already have DH's surname.

My indecision is which order to put the surnames. Mine is a one syllable unusual surname (beginning with Q) and his is a three syllable common surname (beginning with H) ... if any of that makes a difference.

I want to mainly be known as my maiden name but want DH's name in there somewhere so that I feel more connected to the children and him (yes I know that's ridiculous). Basically I want to be known as my maiden name most of the time but to have the option to use the double surname option when I want. Best of both worlds I guess.

What I'm asking is - if you are double barrelled without the hyphen, in reality do people end up dropping the first surname or the second? Which way round would I feel more like a Q than an H? Should I be HQ or QH?

I'm totally overthinking this and I know it doesn't really make a difference as it's just what you introduce yourself as, most people will call you what they want anyway and it's only a name. But if I'm going to do it, I may as well do it the right way round.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

I think it depends which sounds best.

Without a hyphen, if you want to be mainly Q then I think that should go last though.

Henderson Quink trips off the tongue better than the reverse, but Quink might get dropped, so I would do Quink Henderson to preserve your original name.

When we get married I'm going to do this.
DP has a three syllabled mouthful name and I have a one syllable common one.
Mine is B and his is M.
I'm going for M-B as I'm worried the first will end up being more of a middle name iyswim?

Henderson Quink trips off the tongue better than the reverse, but Quink might get dropped, so I would do Quink Henderson to preserve your original name.

Although a friend double barrelled hers and the name that got dropped was the first (hers). Perhaps because it was different from the rest of the family.

Thanks everyone.

spankhurst - you're not far off there with your guesses! And you're right that HQ sounds better than QH. Though as soupdragon says, without the hyphen at least Q is the last name.

Still undecided but I think I'm coming to the conclusion that actually there's no wrong decision.

Maybe I'll just change my whole name to Helena Bonham Carter or Sacha Baron Cohen and have done with it ;-)

Definitely Obadee Henderson Quink - sounds better, and also Quink will be taken to be the actual surname. Think of it like in America the woman often takes her husband's surname and puts her maiden name in the middle as an extra middle name eg Hillary Rodham Clinton. So you need to keep the 'Q' name at the end.

Why aren't you all changing to the hyphenated name?

I think putting your own first and your H's after it sounds more logical. Because breaking up the pattern that has been your name for however many years to insert a new name in the middle is going to feel v counterintuitive surely? better to keep your name as it has been for decades and put another name after it.

I wouldn't bother but each to their own so long as they don't make snippy comments about women who use Ms

My ds has his dad's surname and mine.

For example John Smith-Jones
I would be Smith and his dad Jones.

We separated when he was 2 and I've always used the full name with school, doctor etc.

Now he's 14 he seems to be dropping the first name ( Smith ) and is becoming known as John Jones.
It does seem to flow off the tongue better when using his actual real name.

At least if you do use both names it gives you the option of keeping it or sticking with your maiden name.

When we went on holiday with dp it was a bit weird that all 3 of us had different surnames! For that reason i would use the name purely to have that connection to your children.

There was a thread on here this week about a lady who got stopped at customs with her dc who were asking her and them how they were related as she had a different surname to them.