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Genealogy
Original poster

Double barrelled surnames

46 replies

nappyaddict · 25/04/2012 22:07

It's becoming a,bit of a deal bteaker between dp and I. I see it as joining 2 names and 2 families together which is what marriage is all about. Dp sees it as inventing a new surname, not carrying his nane on, breaking tradition and ruining history because if you look up other people with the same combined surname as us, we won't be related.

What are other peopke's opinions?

OP posts:
Original poster
nappyaddict · 25/04/2012 22:08

Sorry about spelling, on my phone!

OP posts:
difficultpickle · 25/04/2012 22:08

Why don't you keep your name and he keep his?

LadySybilDeChocolate · 25/04/2012 22:09

Why shouldn't you use both? What about your side of the family, do they not matter?

FirstLastEverything · 25/04/2012 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 25/04/2012 22:09

What happens when we have children though? It's the same debate all over again.

OP posts:
FirstLastEverything · 25/04/2012 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 25/04/2012 22:13

That seems complicated though and siblings should have the same name, shouldn't they if they have the same parents? I don't know any that don't.

OP posts:
AllPastYears · 25/04/2012 22:25

"Dp sees it as inventing a new surname, not carrying his nane on, breaking tradition and ruining history"

Sod that! Grin

We double-barrelled our kids' names. Who would carry my name on if we hadn't done that? Grin My mum said, but then when people in the future look up the family history they'll find it difficult. I said, So "family history" really means the history of my husband, and his father (not his mother), his father's father (not his father's mother, or either of his mother's parents) etc. etc. Don't think so!

AllPastYears · 25/04/2012 22:26

BTW we didn't double-barrel ourselves - I suggested this, but DH wasn't keen, so fair enough. And I'm pretty sure there is no-one else with the same surname as our kids. There are lots of people with the same surname as DH, and a few with the same surname as me, but we're not related to a great number of them...

bloomingfrazzled · 25/04/2012 22:29

My children all have my maiden name as a middle name which I quite like as eldest ds was with ex and now I am married and have another ds and dd they also have it even though they have a different surname to eldest ds (complicated, I know)

Original poster
nappyaddict · 25/04/2012 22:30

So did you keep your own names?

OP posts:
Hassled · 25/04/2012 22:33

We double-barrelled the DCs names and it did upset my father, who was very into his family history etc (as am I). But I see it that it doesn't make the DCs any less members of the respective family trees, the traditions are carried on but that the families are merged nicely. We know the fmaily history - it's recorded - and the children will never struggle to identify who's who, regardless of their hybrid names.

The only part that does bother me is what happens when Fred Jones-Smith and Jane Baker-Butcher have children.

Hassled · 25/04/2012 22:34

Yes, kept my own surname.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 25/04/2012 22:40

Bloomingfrazzled did you keep your maiden name?

OP posts:
Springforward · 25/04/2012 22:51

We did what Bloomingfrazzled did.

When we married I kept my maiden name, and intended to stay that way right up until I went on maternity leave to have DS. Then I had a proper panic about not having the same name as my child, as we were both happy for DS to take DH's surname.

I half-heartedly suggested double-barrelling our names, but it sounded clumsy and DH hated it, so that was that. (I'm quite glad about that now - I would have spent my life spelling it out to people over the phone.)

So - at 37 weeks pregnant I changed my name by Deed Poll, so keeping my original first and middle names, followed by my maiden name as a second middle name, then adopting DH's surname as my own.

When DS was born, he also took my maiden name as his middle name, then DH's surname as his. If we have any more, they'll do the same.

It's caused much less confusion than I thought it was going to, TBH. And, as there is only one boy in our branch of the family going by my maiden name, I saw it as a way to keep my own (fairly unusual) maiden name going.

If it wasn't for DH, I'd still be Ms Maidenname now - never felt the need to be my husband's wife, but I did feel the need to be my son's mother, IYSWIM.

BoffinMum · 25/04/2012 22:53

FirstLast, same problem here!

RachelWalsh · 25/04/2012 22:58

We double barrelled so we are ms and mr hisname-myname. My ds (dh is his step dad) is ds hisdadsname-myname.

I didn't want to just take DH's name because a)I wanted to still share a name with my ds and b)it just felt a bit sexist.

We have had some dealings with morons in banks who didn't believe it was 'possible' to do it that way and we would need a deed poll etc. actually we don't we just need the marriage certificate.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/04/2012 23:05

We didn't consider double barrelling as it would have been far too much of a mouthful, but I don't see anything wrong with it at all and if the names fit well together then it's great. I kept my own name, DCs have DH's surname.

I know two families where the wife has double barrelled her surname with her husbands, but he has kept his own surname only, and the children just have his surname (not sure if they have hers as middle name in either case), it's a bit best of both worlds for the woman, keeps her own name as well as being linked to DH and DCs, would that work for you?

frikinfabulous · 25/04/2012 23:17

ive got a double barrelled surname cant say i like it much dts have dp surname and i cant wait to get married to change mine

Collaborate · 25/04/2012 23:28

Whatever works for you both. Agree it, or don't marry. My DW has kept her surname. I was just so happy she agreed to marry a hopeless sod like me, though for some primeval reason I wanted our children to have my name. Her family name is carried on through her brother's children. If I didn't carry it on through ours it would be lost/diluted. A week or 2 before labour she said she wanted her name to be their middle names, and who was I to refuse the woman who had put herself through 9 months of pregnancy (!). Her side of the family though think that the kids have a double barrelled surname. I find it so damn rude that they can't get my children's names right.

Jux · 25/04/2012 23:33

One of my (now rather ancient ) relatives insisted when she married that her h resurrect his full double-barreled surname. All the kids were double-barreled as a consequence. All except one, has dropped t and gone back to the simple form of surname which their dad had been using originally.

I have friends who d-b'ed on marriage, and then somehow or other the kids ended up triple-barreled. 'tis bloody ridiculous!

What does it really matter?

AllPastYears · 26/04/2012 08:33

What matters is equality Jux. For many people, including me, your name is part of your identity. I didn't want to change my name to my husband's (why on earth should only I make a change on marriage, not him as well) and I don't like the model where the wife keeps her own name but the kids get their dad's name (unequal again).

whitewhitewine · 26/04/2012 08:46

We both double-barrelled on marriage- DH wanted to have the same surname as me and our future children (we have 2 now) and I felt uncomfortable giving up my name, as did he, so we simply joined them together. Has been met with a lot of Hmm faces from people as I do not know one single other woman who has done this or just kept her own name.

I do hate having a double-barrelled name in terms of form filling and people getting confused (!) etc but to me, it's so important in terms of equality. But I do realise I seem to be in the minority there!

whitewhitewine · 26/04/2012 08:51

AllPastYears, I am honestly so confused when my friends who aren't married have a child and give them their father's name. Why not the mother's?! Also, my friend has recently got married to a man with a rather unfortunate surname who admits she will get a certain amount of ribbing for it as he does. Why not just keep her lovely surname?

IShallWearMidnight · 26/04/2012 08:51

whitewhitewine - you're not the only one - we doubled-barrelled on marriage (we're hisname-myname) and the DDs have that too. When/if they marry they can do whatever they like.