My ex is witholding my password

[milkmonster]

My partner has left me.
Our Tiscali internet was registered in his name and paid by him.
He has just changed the payment details to my bank account.

However, he won't give me the password, so I cannot access my account to check my Tiscali bill, what I am actually signed up for, what overdue payments there are if any, the direct debit date, or even what I'm now going to be paying each month!

He won't give me the password because he uses Tiscali to re-route his emails or something, so he doesn't want me reading his mail. I emailed Tiscali explaining this saying can I have a second password just so I can access my account but NOT his emails, but no reply.

If I just ask them to send me the password, my partner will go nuts and think I'm reading his emails, or if they change it and he loses his email access, I will be in serious trouble with him (this was an abusive relationship).

I just want to be able to check my bill. Is he really using Tiscali to re-route his emails or is he just saying this to 'control' me again?

He's a PC genius by the way. He's now using free internet thanks to hacking into other people's broadband wireless, not that it would require genius to do that, but he's boasting to me about it so he seems to think so. Anything I do on my PC he'll know about as he says he can remote access it if he wants to, so I can't just get the password changed.

The Tiscali contract was a year-long one. If I stop it altogether and go and get my own internet provider to bypass this problem, he will probably be charged the whole year. If that happened and I had caused that, I will probably be left with no fingers to type with again.

Please reply in layman's terms, I know virtually nothing about computers!

Thankyou

So he's changed it to your bank account - you're paying but you can't use it properly.

Contact Tiscali and tell them that the previous account holder has left and he has changed the payment details to your account. As you are now financially responsible for the account you must have a password. Are you paying monthly or annually?

If it's monthly it's no longer his business.

To be honest - tell your ex if he wants to use Tiscali he pays for it himself or he gives you the password and tell your bank not to pay it as you have no access to the account. Best option is change your provider (internet) and then setup a Google mail account for your own email and email your friends with that.

You must not pay for something you cannot use properly.

AFAIK, for him to access youPC by remote access you need to agree to let him when he tries to access it IYSWIM.

My BIL tried sorting out a problem with ours by remote access and I had to click "YES" when the Pc prompted me.....

I agree with alipiggie, cancel the DD.

"he uses Tiscali to reroute his emails" - that's bollocks. Tiscali is just an internet provider, you can access your emails from wherever. Presumably he is reading his emails somewhere else? If he means that the Tiscali account password is the same as his Tiscali email password, well they don't need to be the same.

Contact Tiscali, tell them that you are the account holder and you need the account password changed, that shouldn't affect his email at all. 0871 222 3311

He's not your partner. Let him go nuts. If he tries to abuse you, call the police and have him arrested. You don't have to take his shit any more. Why are you letting him control you? Call the police and have his charged!

Cancel the Tiscali and have your own set up with your own password. It's not up to him what you do in your house. If you are afraid of him, don't let him in. Take an injunction out!

these people can help

And you can't just change something into someone else's back account without their permission. Cancel the account. Colditz is right, you can't let this bully control you anymore.

The most empowering (yes i know, it's an awful word) moment of my life to date is when I shouted at my ex for messing about with my computer. I shouted "You don't live here any more!" And as I shouted it, I realised it for the first time.

i'd change bank accounts too..change everything htat he knows about and dont bother telling him

Oh dear. If you daren't change the password and are afraid that he would break your fingers if you cancelled the contract, you have bigger problems that Tiscali whipping fifteen quid a month from your bank account. Which they can't do anyway, by the way, unless you have signed a direct debit.

You don't have to put up with this. There are lots of people who will help: women's aid organisations, or the police.

Good luck.

Cancel the direct debit.

If he knows your bank details in order to set up Direct Debits, you need to contact your bank, explain to them the situation, and ask them to help you change details to protect you from fraudulent activity.

Remote access to your PC:

Firstly - do you have a wireless modem and is it encrypted - if you dont know - this can be sorted - let me know.

Depending on whether your ex has access to your house - you can resest your router and restart it. It's very simple to do. What router do you have?

Do you have a pc that connects directly into the router - or do you have a laptop? Do you have a windows 2000 with the firewall switched on? (Right click on My Network Places (should be on desktop or start menu), go to properties, if its completely wireless - it will say wireless - if its wired in it will say LAN. On each/either connection, if it has a padlock symbol on the top left corner of the icon he CANNOT access your computer).

As for your IT-whizz ex - I'm sure DH could give him something to think about with the right information

Surely he should keep the Tiscali account in his name, and transfer it to his new address, while you start afresh with a different account?

He has a nerve, expecting you to pay for an account that routes his emails.

Get rid of it, and if he tries to bully you, dont let him into your house, and dial 999 if he starts any funny stuff.

About the remote access, has he installed some software on your computer (worst case scenario could be a keystroke logger)? or does he just know the ip address. My knowledge is hazy here as Im no sysadmin - would the computer keep the same ip address, or get a different one allocated each time it starts? And would changing your internet provider mean a new IP address?

I would get you own account to access the internet legaly and properly.

He can access his e.mails from anyPC, but he can't access your PC. His e.mail account can continue.

Why did he have an iternet account if he was using other peoples broadband?

Set up a new account with whatever company you want.

He will get a letter/ e.mail telling him the direct debit has been canceled, but if he only needs to access e.mail this is normally free anyway, it is only internet access you pay for.