Is there a way to detect if DS is on phone when he should be sleeping?

[Bluskythinking]

We allowed DS to have phone in his room overnight as he's now 15. We didn't want to agree to this but we did. Well his behaviour at school seemed to deteriorate some weeks later. He says he's not using phone at night. However I wonder if he is. Is there some way to find out if the phone is in use?

Yes, keep the phone downstairs with you.

If he's not using it then why does it need to be in his room?
If it's an android phone you can both install Family Link from the play store. Using this you can set a limit on the times of day the phone can be used.

If it’s an iPhone you can put it in a family group and see exactly what they are doing. You can also set times and time limits for different apps and shut it down remotely.

If the behaviour at school keeps going downhill we will have to take it off him but I want to do some checks on times of usage so I have evidence. It's not a iPhone unfortunately and I don't think he will agree to family links etc. Short of going into room at 1am or something I don't know how to police this. It's easy to say take it off him but he's taller than me and at times very confrontational/argumentative. His self control over screens is very difficult to manage.

Who pays the bills? You do. So you have control over that and also the WiFi so you can restrict his use. Make sure you put a cap on monthly spend so he can’t run up big bills.

If he’s not using his phone at night he doesn’t need it in his room. Change the WiFi password and switch it off overnight and see if he says anything.

Settings > Screen Time

Just say no. I don’t understand this. It’s so simple.

Sorry. Didn’t see it isn’t an iPhone.

As in no to it being in the room...

Won't agree to family links? He's a child he doesn't get the choice! Sounds like you have a lot more issues than phone using to address tbh!

Many phones now automatically track sleep. You could check the stats each day, should say when it believes he was sleeping.

Does he use WhatsApp and Instagram? You can check when he was last online first thing in the morning.

Turn the WiFi off at night, he’ll complain soon enough.

You tell him he either puts the phone in your hand or you will call the phone company and have it deactivated. You're the parent and you are in charge, not him.

Turn the WiFi off at night, he’ll complain soon enough.

Only works if he doesn't have data

If he’s using wifi you will be able to see his device using data on your wifi admin settings

” I don't think he will agree to family links etc.”

what? He’s the child you’re the adult. What do you mean he won’t agree? You don’t ask his permission, you tell him you’re doing it.

OP, are you saying that your son is a threat to you if you go against him? Does he hurt you, or threaten to hurt you, or frighten you if you tell him off?

He is still the child. He is still reliant on you for everything. He still needs to follow house rules. Are you saying that you cant enforce rules because he uses his physical presence to get his way?

If so, what do you think he will do to future wives and girlfriends? This is domestic abuse and you need to take some action now, before it's too late.

In android they have this (see attached image ) in Settings

@HasaDigaEebowai

If he’s using wifi you will be able to see his device using data on your wifi admin settings

This is something I could try. I'm on our Virgin Media account trying to work out how to do this.

When your child won't respond to a verbal request to give you their phone overnight it is very difficult for me to parent in that situation. If I said I'm getting your contract suspended he would get really angry with me.

I'd this serious? So let him be angry with you. Teens are frequently angry with their parents, it's normal. If he's actually threatening/oolong or you are scared of him then that's less normal, the phone issue is the least of your worries and I'd seek external help. Are you a single parent?

Are you afraid of him? It sounds as if you are. I'm afraid you need to make rules and enforce them, even if it's tough. Sounds like he walks all over you tbh.

If he won't hand it over then there's another consequence until he does. If he threatens you physically then you call the police. At the moment he can basically do what he likes, 15 is not old enough for you to step back and leave him to his own devices (literally).

@Insertfunnyname

” I don't think he will agree to family links etc.”

what? He’s the child you’re the adult. What do you mean he won’t agree? You don’t ask his permission, you tell him you’re doing it.

Come on!! Some of the replies are so judgemental on here. Guessing you don't have teens or if you do they are more compliant. I'm a strict parent and always have been but now she's 16 and taller than me and headstrong there is no way on earth she would hand over her phone. It's not a bad parenting thing. It's a natural progression between child and adult.

On an iPhone go to settings/screen time and then it will show you the hours per day then click “see all activity” and you will see a timeline with activity per hour of the day. You can then see when he’s active on it.

What is the reason for a phone in room if not being being used? 15 is not so mature so I wouldn't have agreed because of age. My DB's brother is almost 16 and his phone goes in a basket in the kitchen at 9pm and during homework. That's the agreement if he wants a phone. It is hard now to back peddle so yes settings and screen time if you can't do it remotely. I check my phone if I wake overnight, and I shouldn't, a 15yo doesn't have the self-control not to, especially if he has a strong phone habit. You do sound afraid of him which must be very hard and is frightening to think of but I hope you can sort this.