My DD is getting a smartphone - is there ANY way to keep her safe on the internet or do I give up now?

[GoldfinchesHiccup]

She's 12yrs old. At home we have parental restrictions set up on the wifi but with a smart phone she will have unmonitored internet access.

We have rules about phone being charged downstairs at night and not being used in her bedroom.
She also knows about speaking to us about anything which makes her uncomfortable etc. No chat rooms etc and as she will be on a child's Apple ID any apps will have to be approved by us.

At the moment we also have a rule that we can pick up her phone and look at it at any time.

Is there anything else we can do?

Which phone is she getting? You should be able to set restrictions on which apps can be downloaded, and most UK service providers should enable parental controls to block the most dodgy sites by default

That's a good idea, I hadn't thought about the service provider, I'll look into that. She really wants an iPhone 5c but I haven't looked into prices yet!

Norton Family can be installed on mobile devices. It's very good at blocking dodgy websites with added benefit of emailing you when websites have been blocked.

F Secure is also very good software as it can set timers on certain apps, block downloading inappropriate apps and also filters Internet searches so your child won't see anything they shouldn't. If you are a Virgin Media customer you get a 1yr subscription free.

I actually use both of the above for my DS who is also 12 and they are pretty good.

Internet filters won't work with some common phone browsers (anything that compresses data)

You can't control what she sees online at all. You need to have talked to her and trust her, that is the best (and only) protection.

F Secure comes with its own browser app 'Safe Browser'.

Never had any problems with it. Tested is myself before letting ds use it

F-secure sounds perfect, thanks

Ds is sensible, we have had talks about internet safety and I trust her but she's still young and naive.

A girl at school was being horrible to her - arsey text/voicemail/email, I told her not to delete them as if it became a problem we would need to have proof but she'd already deleted the texts (because she didn't like them) - which makes sense but isn't mature thinking.

It's such a dilemma at this point because by giving her a smartphone I'm essentially giving her access to porn, chat rooms, any sort of videos - loads of nasty stuff. Obviously the benefits vastly outweigh that stuff and I'm sure she wouldn't be seeking that stuff out yet but I know she doesn't have the maturity at just 12yrs to deal with the nasties yet. Think I'll try and keep a lid on it for the mo!

Out of curiously, I'm wondering why you feel she needs a smart
Phone? As opposed to a
Big standard phone for safety etc?

From a teacher POV, they're a nightmare.

She doesn't NEED a smartphone!
She's had a basic phone for a year now. We had said when she first had a phone if she looked after it for a year we would consider upgrading it. It's been a year now and for her birthday she has asked for an iPhone - we have all apple products at home. She doesn't really ask for anything so we are happy to do this for her.

Why are smartphones worse than regular phone for teachers? Dd is allowed her phone at school but only for use at breaktimes and they are very strict about it. Dd wouldn't consider using her current phone or a smartphone during the lesson. Is it children taking them from each other?

Hi OP.
From a school POV, they interrupt teaching and learning. Having a SMART phone in their bags, pockets etc is a massive distraction and too many schoolchildren lack the discipline to switch them off until home time.

Also, at break and lunch, you see too many pupils huddled around phones instead of actually socialising and talking with one another. Not to mention the instances of abusive messaging via text, snapchat, Instagram that occurs on an hourly basis. Keyboard warriors occur at all ages so you can imagine how out of control some abuse get. It can be truly horrific.

Our school, in line with other county schools are banning all phones. If seen, we will confiscate and return at the end of the day. If it happens a second time, then pupils don't get the phone back but parents must come in to collect them. It really has been THAT big a problem for us.

Put it like this: when old enough my DD's will get a big standard discreet phone - their secondary school is 20 miles away and I will want them to be able to contact me when they start travelling to and fro, but after seeing how smart phones impact these kids lives on a day to day basis - my DD's won't be getting one until they're much older.

Bog standard, not big!

My 12yo has an iPhone and is very good with it. The settings are R13 and I have the apple account so she can only download apps through me. She barely texts or calls, it is all about apps esp Instagram. I check her account regularly and it is all very innocent.

School is fine with students having smart phones. They are to be turned off during lessons and 2 days a week are designatd tech-free at break times.

I feel that smart phone etiquette has to be guided as much as real life interaction. Stay involved and keep doing what you are doing.

Esme (great name btw, still gutted about TP) - if I think the phone interferes with dd's education in any way I will take it away and replace with the old basic one.

Also, I keep an eye on texts etc in terms of bullying. She doesn't have snapchat/instagram etc and with the iPhone she won't be able to download any apps without them going through my account for permission. It's hard to stay on top of these things but I will be doing my best to. DD's school has never mentioned the idea of banning phones, I don't know any secondary schools in our county that have but I can imagine how it becomes a necessity. I think it's tougher than it ever has been to both be a teenager and to parent a teenager