Really grrrrr about a letter in Gardeners World Mag this month.....anyone else see it?

[taffetacat]

Entitled "Are unwatched children the biggest garden pest?"

Doesn't seem to be on the website so here goes:

"My most feared pest in the garden is children. More to the point, its the adults who visit without first explaining to their children that not all gardens make suitable playgrounds.
My heart sinks when acquaintances arrive with children or grandchildren and send them off, saying "run and play". Our garden is lovingly maintained, full of carefully chosen and unusual plants and is a haven for wildlife.
I wince when a particular seven year old races towards the pond yelling "where's the net?". Pond dipping is not an activity our water plants enpoy. And the fish are positively traumatised by having a net smacked repeatedly down on their heads. After a visit from another small child, it took me weeks to retrieve the gravel he'd removed from a bed and dumped in our conservatory. They play "chase" in our flower beds, stamp on our vegetables and swipe the heads off flowers with their plastic golf clubs.
If these adults can't keep their offspring under control, why don't they invite us to visit them instead? Despite our advanced years, we'd be happy to kick a football around a bald lawn with their kids. Anything to keep them out of our garden!"

Grrrrrrr.I don't know where to start. I want to email a response but am too enraged. I think the bit that annoys me the most is the assumption of a bald lawn!

Please God I never become like this when I'm older.

Any thoughts?

LadyBiscuit - its such a good point and is so difficult. What can you say that doesn't sound patronising but imparts the needed information to a non gardener?

I am firmly of the opinion that it is the garden owner's responsibility to make it clear, as if the parents are indeed clueless about gardening they may well be oblivious to some issues. Some issues, mind, not all.

I know no-one should have to spell these things out, but the same applies inside the house - and IME I often have to explain bleeding obvious house rules to visiting children - so I see no reason why anyone with a nice garden shouldn't feel free to similarly lay down the law.

We sport the ever popular scuffed/bald look in our garden under the swing and seesaw. Then again our gardening prowess is nothing to write home about. The garden has very much been turned over to the dc.

I think I can see where the person who wrote that letter is coming from a bit. If it was my pride and joy, I'd probably feel the same. She's a bit acerbic in tone though. I assume 'these adults' are either family or friends after all..I also wonder if it was really as bad as she says or did it seem awful because she's not in contact with children that much.

I hope my dc wouldn't do those things - I'd tell em off if they did. But I do hate visiting where everything is dont touch, be careful. It's oppressive

If you have active children and they are confined in a fusty house where everything is breakable and valuable, I can see its a relief for some parents to see a big garden that they think they can let the children play in.

There is an assumption I think that outdoor space equals a bit more freedom.

I think its that 'don't say anything at the time, moan about it later' problem that is so common in British life. If you don't want them doing it, then say!

I panicked for weeks before DH's company barbeque with 30 drunken programmers, and they behaved perfectly throughout (well, garden-wise, which is all that matters), while my parents' carefully chosen guests at their big wedding anniversary party caused much more damage.

GrendelsMum - nail on the head I think.

............and maybe that is what upsets me too.

I would hate it if someone bitched about my children or my parenting behind my back ( I expect it happens)- I want to know about it. FGS, how can people improve if its all done on the sly?

My cousin's son is a really energetic, boisterous lad of 8 or 9, and he tears around the school playground like a mad thing. Then after school he goes down to his dad's plant nursery, and behaves like an absolute angel with the plants. If children know that things are important and special and need to be looked after, they can do it.

I think you're right Grendelsmum. But I am the only gardening fanatic enthusiast among most of my friends and I do worry they think I'm rather precious about it. I do have lots and lots of outdoor toys though in compensation - a big inflatable pool (with balls as well as water), sand pit, climbing frame, pop up tent and tunnel etc. As long as they are on the grass and not on the dahlia shoots I'm happy

I did see the letter in the magazine (my parents are subscribers). What struck me was where did the plastic golf clubs and fishing net come from? They sound like the sort of toy that grandparents keep for visiting grandchildren, in which case she should get rid of them. Problem (half) solved!

Crikey bit suprised all the blame seems to be landing firmly on the parents of said children. Is it so wrong for them to assume that a garden is for playing in?

In fact I developed my love of gardening from being allowed to do what I liked in my parent's - I'd snap off the odd flower head so I could look at the pollen inside, I'd grub up some weeds here and there to see how deep the roots went, I would get my little cups and scoop up water from the pond to admire the tadpoles and spend hours trying to catch their koi carp....it was a voyage of exploration. And I'd rather my own kids did that than rampaged round the house doing infinitely more damage.

I appreciate this isn't everyone's thing, but personally speaking whenever we have someone else's children over, I always make it clear what our house rules are.

If the writer views the garden as an extension of the living room then they need to make this explicit to any visitors so the parents can respond appropriately - rather than just standing by and watching, and then whinging about it later

I can see where the letter-writer is coming from. I have two small children and would definitely tell them off if they engaged in this sort of behaviour in a garden whose owners we'd visited. I think it's more about getting children to think about the fact that they need to respect other people's spaces and property..to appreciate that hard work has gone into making it beautiful; that if they destroy flowers, no-one else can appreciate them; that fish and animals may be frightened by what they're doing? Isn't it parental responsibility to teach kids to behave appropriately? Why would you be surprised that the owners felt frustrated at seeing something they'd worked hard at ruined? Kids need to learn that different spaces have different ways of behaving. I don't have any problem with this, and mostly, my children don't either. They wouldn't be allowed to cause havoc at school and a good number of children learn this very quickly.