How to deal with the nice but "know it all" erm, elderly men at the allotment?

[ShyTalk]

We have had a allotment for 3+ years now, we grow loads of good stuff and really enjoy it. We went on the waiting list for a second one and after a wait, hooray, we were offered one. The problem is this - when we had just one allotment, all the old wiry men were pleasant and friendly, but that was it. Now that we have two plots, we seem to have entered the "serious" category. An unwanted side-effect is the constant advice of the wiry old devils. The latter favour a great big plot with rows of traditional veg, slug pellets galore and weedkiller at dawn. We go for individual beds with paths between, crop rotation and organic methods.
Wiry old devil 1 says my DH is a wuss - raised beds mean no digging, yet he watched DH dig the whole plot, build raised beds, dig 3 land drains, lay paths and barrow a mountain of bark onto said paths (with my help) in five (I'll say it again, five days). No way a wuss.
Wiry old devil 2 is with us, but he is hated by the other wiry devils as they say he lazy.
Wiry devil 1 is retired and pretty much always there, watching. Apart from saying a rude thing, how do I get him to back off? PS - he keeps forcing tools on us that he says we can borrow, but we don't really need. He is also given to wandering around looking at plots, with his wiry friend, and criticising them. I don't mind this, as that is what retired males tend to do.

Nod and smile at any advice offered, then ignore it.

They both sound a little bit lonely.
Challenge them to a leek/courgette/something else contest and you will not see them again until Autumn. They will go off and Become Secretive.

A courgette contest sounds like a goer. They don't grow courgettes cos they're small; they grow marrows. I grow courgettes cos they taste nice; I don't grow marrows cos they taste of nothing. I look forward to them Becoming Secretive

Leeks!
Grow them in drainpipe filled with sand and compost and feed them with sheep poo steeped in water.
You will grow leeks the size of oak trees.

Oh shit - I will be turning into a wiry old competitive fogy! Tempting, though. Especially, giant, poo-inused leeks. Maybe not for dinner.

That would be poo-infused leeks

Very impressive leeks
Think not so much of the sheeppoo but super-fertilizer and you could always give the said monster leeks to the wiry old froats as a 'gift'.
Or dahlias - for some odd reason these wiry old devils that lurk round gardens go all funny over dahlias.

Just because they're wiry and old doesn't mean their devils, they're probably someone's Dad, Granddad and mean well. I would appreciate them as an immense source of well-tried advice a lot better than the likes of any coffee table book. And how kind to offer you tools, you're very lucky, they're probably prized possessions not easily lent out. Sounds like you've earned their respect, what an honour!

I'm sorry but this thread had my chortling at my desk (in an open plan office and everything!). And I don't even have an allotment!

Suiz I reckon you're right but I'm thinking the OP is using devil more in the "divil" way (I'm Irish and I'd definitely describe people as a bit of a devil meaning a bit of character rather than something off Buffy!).

Love the going off and Becoming Secretive.

[slinks off chortling]

I've been chortling too, but also feeling sad because my gardening mentor and unofficial uncle who gave me a lot of advice when I was a novice passed away before I got my allotment.

I hope to turn into a wiry old devil biddy myself one day!

LOL, my plot is full of the old boys too - and the feuds between them would require 24/7 study to keep track of! I told Gary that Colin had been kind to remove all the trees from the end of my plot; Gary hasn't spoken to me since (!)
I find nodding, smiling, and doing my own thing the only way. Give 'em flowers and they give me leeks.

Allotments ime are full of them, like weeds, you think you've got shot of them then up they pop again

We grow all sorts of weird fruit & veg and seem to be entertainment for all those who grow only onions, leeks and rhubarb!
I'll be honest this is our 5th year and I'm not sure the oldies take you seriously until you hit 5 years.
Maybe it'll get better. In the meantime, I think I'd be glad of someone having an eye on my plot if he's there all day...less likely to get trashed.

I never realised just how spectacularly old men could fall out with one another until we got our plots

and the bitchin' is something else. It's worse than a Toddler group, that's certain

Suiz's analysis is right

You are in the club

You are officially Junior Wiry Old Devils.

Really, I think they generally just want to talk allotments with you. I am in a similar position and frankly I have to time my visits to get any work done as otherwise it is yak yak yak yak yak with one after the other. Plus the horse ladies and the dog persons.

The only problem is as they get older they tend to drop off the perch a bit which is a major bummer. They are indeed someone's Dad or Grandad or in my case Neighbour over the road who is very ill now. Major major bummer.

You may wish to work up a feud with one allotmenter at the bottom of the pecking order to gain awkward old bugger credibility. Apart from that develop a speciality such as quinoa or sorrel to wow your new friends.

It's not always the old'uns though. The 90 year old opposite us (with enormous, immaculate allotment) is very helpful with lending of hosepipes etc but doesn't force advice on us (unless we ask, then he's more than happy to help), whereas next-door we have 'Mr-know-it-all', a young bloke who 'did a course' at the local college and thinks he is an expert! He's always nosing at what we are doing and telling us how we are doing it wrong, which obviously we completely ignore .

I think it's part of 'the joy' of the allotment - my dh and I love the fact that nosy old buggers constantly give us advice! We have 2 allotments, garden organically, and hate slug pellets but we are always being told we are wrong! We just nod and smile, nod and smile. My dh has a horticulture degree, and works as a landscape architect so does 'know his onions' but just lets them be. They are great characters, and I love this aspect of allotment life!

I think it's part of 'the joy' of the allotment - my dh and I love the fact that nosy old buggers constantly give us advice! We have 2 allotments, garden organically, and hate slug pellets but we are always being told we are wrong! We just nod and smile, nod and smile. My dh has a horticulture degree, and works as a landscape architect so does 'know his onions' but just lets them be. They are great characters, and I love this aspect of allotment life!

Bloody hell you're making allotments sound scary
I was thinking I'd quite like one but not if the other allotment holders are always wandering round criticising. It's bad enough living next door to a landscape gardener.

Just say "thanks, dear/love...would you like a home baked gingerbread man, dear?!

The old man next to us turned out to be my neighbours dad. Unfortunately the neighbour's rabbit died while she was on holiday and I was looking after it, so now every time her dad sees me on the allotment he shouts out "killed any more rabbits lately?". He thinks he's hilarious .

Noticed that the op was in March - wondering if there is an update about the 2 old devils.

Bedlambeast - I heart them too!

Have you encountered the 70-year-old letch yet? The one who can turn any innocent comment of yours into a come-on?
Even though I suspect if I said: ''ok, old bean, let's be having you; come on behind the raspberry canes and let's have a decko at this legendary hosepipe of yours ...'' he'd drop dead on the spot

LOL!!