Hedge plant suggestion for someone with 0 gardening experience or ability

[Zapx]

I’m a terrible gardener. Absolutely awful. However I really would love to grow a hedge… we need a bit of privacy and I really don’t want a fence as I’m after something better for birds and less harsh looking. I need it to be about 4m long? And 5ft high or so? I don’t know much about the soil, so I’d guess “average”. I’m reading lots of stuff but what I really want is a “least likely to die from neglect or bad ownership” plant rating? Would love any suggestions. Thanks in advance!

Photonia is self-sufficient, and easy to keep tidy as a hedge.

I planted a 5 m hawthorn hedge from 40 cm whips a few years ago and it was easy to plant, established like a dream, has been easy to prune and shape as its grown and it is now at a stage where I'm happy to call it a hedge. We already had hawthorn in another hedge and I love it -it's flowering feels as much of a garden 'event' as the first flush of roses or lilacs. The established hawthorn already hosts lots of wildlife including some beautiful moth species: the flowers are a rich source of nectar in spring and a reliable 'feeding station' for all kinds of garden birds who feast on small insects, and the berries are popular with birds in autumn, as well as being decorative. Hawthorn all the way.

Beech is lovely, easy to grow and looks great in every season.

what I really want is a “least likely to die from neglect or bad ownership”
Native plants will probably thrive. Some info here from Hedges Direct.

Hawthorns are lovely when they bloom but mine (a) self-seed all over the place and (b) have vicious 2" thorns. I don't know if there are better modern varieties but I am getting rid of mine.

Hornbeam is good on heavy wet soils. Beech is good too. Photinia is very prone to fungal leaf spot and can look sickly.
The cheapest way to buy hedging would be to buy them bare root, and you are just about in time to do that before the end of the season. Mixed native hedging is another option but avoid planting Blackthorn ( Prunes spinosa) as it suckers terribly.

The Woodland Trust sells native hedgerow packs.

Photina red robin is fast pretty fast growing and easy to grow. You tend to see it planted in parks and in car parks etc so its pretty indestructible. I found a dead looking bit in dried up pot when i moved into my house 3 years ago. I planted it up and its now 4ft high with glossy green and red leaves.. I do nothing but trim it to fit occassionally.

Griselinia, grows quickly, easy to trim, (hawthorn isn’t! Trust me) and grows well, with no gaps. Hedge planting is easy, but you need to water in well, every week, a watering can of water on each plant if it’s dry…

@Zapx I planted a mixed native hedge, my first, in my front garden a few years ago and it's now approx 5ft tall. It's a mix of hawthorn, beech, some hazel, gelder rose and I think some field maple. I dug a deep trench and put some tree and shrub compost in the bottom, put the bare root plants in and covered over the roots with soil. Gave them a good water and just kept an eye in them. I cut them back hard the first year so they would thicken up and just trimmed them every year to keep them tidy. I am planning to add a wild dog rose to clamber through it for extra colour and fruits.
I would say just got for it! They are hardy plants, these native hedge plants, and will grow around farmers fields with pretty much no looking after. We get birds crawling around inside ours, eating the hawthorn berries and probably bugs and insects.