Monstera- it’s giving off Little Shop of Horror vibes! I need advice!

[maldivemoment]

It’s out of control. The thing is monstrous & taking over the room!

can someone please tell me what to do with it? Do I take off some of the stalks? And what do I do with those weird root things that grow out of it?

I really love it but don’t know how to treat it well.

Thank you

Ha, mine is the same! You can prune it by removing some of the leaves. If you cut them below the nodes (lots of videos on YouTube showing how to do this) you can then put the single stalks into water until they sprout new roots and give them to your friends.

Guide the air roots into the soil, as they'll help stabilise the beast.

If he's really proving a problem, chop off a nice, sturdy section with air root and node and root it - creating an army of Audreys in the process.

Take off some of the leaves and propagate them into new plants & give them away on marketplace or similar :) ignore the aerial roots, they’re not a bother, you don’t need to do anything with them.

Thank you folks. Much appreciated, however you’re using phrases like “nice, sturdy section with air root and node and root it “ and I don’t know what that means! 😩

Feel like an absolute Eejit!

Gerald says Hello, Audrey

A node is a lumpy bit where it looks like a new shoot could grow from, often where a leaf joins the stem.

Sweet Jesus @HalebiHabibti 😆👌🏻

Reassured it’s not just me…

If you had to tear a chunk off, you'd instinctively go for just below where a leaf emerges from the stalk, as you'd want to be able to grasp it and snap it. That theoretical (ie, don't start beating Audrey up), chunk would include stem, leaf, probably an air root (the dangly thing) and a node (a nipple like bump on the back of the leaf where it emerges from the stem).

Or it's the place where, if you have a cat bent upon self destruction who has attempted to scale a moss pole, the plant would naturally snap. Before planning revenge for interrupting its attempts at world domination, naturally.

Either way, it looks like it could start up life on its own - with or without human blood. Because that's what happens in the wild; they chuck out air roots and if there's an accident/tree falling/whatever that snaps the plant, the snapped off bit then grows quite happily by itself with access to soil and/or water, as it begins to chuck out normal roots of its own from the node.

Just don't turn your back on it. And don't be a dentist.

@NeverDropYourMooncup 😆