ND Neighbours removing fence

[SaltySandwich]

I live with DH and our DC: DS13, DS10, DS8, DD8.
Our next door neighbours have 4 DC as well: DD16, DD14, DS9, DS8.
For ease I'll call DH John, and NDN: Sarah and David.

John, David & I have been friends since we where 2-3 years old as out parents were good friends. We went to all the same school but different uni's. Both couples have been married for around 20 years.

My DS8 & DD8 and their DS8 are in same class in year 3
My DS10 & their DS9 are in same class in year 5 (our primary has 1 class per year). And the teens are all in the same secondary.

Our 2 families are very close and both the kids and the adults are always round at each others houses. We also share childcare, David and I look after the 5 youngest kids, on 2 afternoons a week each (alternating days).
In the summer, all our kids play outside almost all day, we have a play set in our and they love it. We do BBQ's all the time in summer holidays etc.

Basically, Sarah and David have suggested taking down their fence which separates our garden (both in detached houses) and make it one massive garden. It would mean the kids can play together without permission and traipsing through the others house, ND DC can use the swings if we are out etc. Same for the BBQ.

John loves the idea as do the kids. I think it could be good but also am a bit apprehensive (I don't even know why - I can't think of any negatives, except maybe a bit less privacy but that really doesn't bother me at all). My PIL also aren't too keen on the plan as they won't be able to have secluded family BBQ in the summers anymore.

We are both in out forever homes, so neither couple has to worry about house devaluing etc.

What are all your thoughts?
What are the pros and cons?

Also, sorry that's so long!

I might remove a panel so access is easier.. or have a gate maybe. But I'd want to retain 'our' space

Take down the fence towards the bottom end of the garden only. That way kids can play together and have a big open area there, but you still have privacy near the house.

I'd probably put it in a gate instead. Then if they did move out you could replace it with fence, just in case the next neighbours are awful!

@SaltySandwich

Put a gate in and have an agreement that it can be locked if needed so you keep your privacy when you need to

Gate in definitely! And an agreement they knock?

This ^^

Agree with just making a gap where kids can get through.

Hell no. Put a gate in.

I think the benefit comes from the kids being able to make the most of the full width of the garden, so I would be tempted to try taking some panels out down the end.

Is there a way you could suggest a trial period of this summer with a promise of amicable agreement if either side wants to change things back?

I do think the end thing (possibly with a gate between near the houses as well?) could work quite well.

I have a gate between mine and my neighbour's place and it's great for BBQs etc in the summer. The fence is one of those slide in/slide out panel ones so if we need to get through up the other end we just take a panel out for a bit.

A gate - maybe, removing all or part of the fence - no.

Agree with gate at the bottom of the garden. The kids are no longer small, so able to cope with that.

At some point the kids will all be gone and it might feel awkward to ask to put one back up.

I would worry about privacy and possible claiming of land in the future.

A gate or removing panels at end of garden are both good ideas

Gate or nothing. Some of the DCs are not really old enough to understand that you (and they) are entitled to privacy, despite the other parents being all for it. Agree on bolts both sides, so the other side knows if visitors are not welcome at that point.
I'm not sure you'd be pleased if they sent their DCs round to yours every weekend morning while they enjoy a lovely lie-in, in the worst-case scenario.

Gate at the end.

Surely you have other friends and family who come over? And it could be annoying if the NDN Dc are playing in the garden every time. Or their kids are in the garden , outside your windows, when you have family time indoors etc.

It sounds like a plan for them to use your play equipment and your BBQ, what’s in it for you?

I know a family who did this with next door.

They each had a fenced off patio area next to the houses with a gate through to effectively a small field. The 'field' was actually the bottom end of both gardens, but with no boundary down the middle. Had loads of play equipment in there that all the kids used feely.

I think it's a great idea!

Full disclosure, not British and find all those pics of towel-sized gardens enclosed by high fences incredibly claustrophobic. I grew up with the opposite as fences were explicitly prohibited by building regs in my parents' neighbourhood. Perfectly possible to have privacy without them through the strategic placement of greenery. I think at least visually you'll find you have a lot more garden for your money.

What's a bit trickier to me is negotiating actual shared use the way you are suggesting. I once came across an entire Dutch terraced block where all the neighbours had a set-up even more intricate than this, including a permanently unlocked door permitting communal access to one household's washing machine! Ugh-oh.

It's great you have such a good relationship with the neighbours. To avoid friction, I'd also discuss with them rules on what happens if one side or the other just isn't in the mood for company. Maybe be very direct/specify a code word that says, butt out?