What the hell do I do with this..

[TriffidInMyShower]

Bought this plant as a tatty looking thing for pence thinking I could do something with it. And it grew. And grew. And grew. It's been living in the shower whilst we've been on holiday and I've come back to this!
What on earth do I do with it? It's resting on the wall so if I move it it will keel over. I don't really have anywhere I can tie to to either.
I'm half thinking I find someone else to have it or chop it in half to see if the side bits grow out!

I would burn it. It looks extremely invasive.

My eyes are not great but I think we have a plant like that. Or at least have several plants like that. If bits fall off you put them in water and they grow.

I would say re-pot and then place them around your bathroom. We actually re-designed our ensuite bathroom based around the rgeenery and now have a fairly Victoriana-esque bathroom with loads of greenery and painted terracotta pots. (It's nicer than it sounds).

It's a climber, often used as an indoor plant trained around a stake.

Should be fine to cut back, but fundamentally it will always try to climb, so you'll have to give it some support of some kind.

Prune it a bit and tie it to a bamboo stake?

It is fab though.

And > misses point of thread < I love your tiles, they look like fish scales. In a good way

Thank you! I love them too.

How stupid am I? I never thought about it being an indoor climber 😳
It definitely needs a much bigger pot that's true! I do love my house plants but I'm better at outdoor plants!

a lot of indoor plants are plants from the under-canopy of tropical rainforests, where climbing up towards the sun makes a lot of sense!

Is it some sort of Monstera?

I'm sure I've seen YouTubes on chopping them up and propagating the bits to thicken out the pot so you'll have several stalks to battle!

I think that's what I thought it was. There was no label with it!

It's what we used to call a Swiss Cheese Plant - Monstera Deliciosa. They were very popular in the 70's. They need a stake to grow up.

They can grow to be enormous.

www.etsy.com/listing/991609718/giant-monstera-deliciosa-swiss-cheese

Often they start off on someone's desk at work, then they have to be moved to the corner of the office, then they have to be put in the lobby.

They give me the creeps !

It's not a Swiss cheese plant. It's a raphidophora tetrasperma though so a very similar indoor plant.
They are definitely climbers and grow fast.
You can chop it and prop it to make new plants though!

This is what you need for a swiss cheese plant

www.amazon.co.uk/Hicdaw-Inches-Stackable-Monstera-Support/dp/B097MP7VBG/ref=asc_df_B097MP7VBG/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=536027887139&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14410036650663443945&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007131&hvtargid=pla-1411791485258&psc=1

It could do with a moss pole or other support to climb.

Mine has long outgrown its huge moss pole and subsequent bamboo supports and is now wildly taking over our office like something from day of the triffids!

(I do love it though!)

Also - keep it out of direct sunlight as it will burn and die!

Train it round a window / curtain pole. It will look beautiful

Triffid like ... OP, look out for sudden unexplained vision trouble

@cataline
"It's not a Swiss cheese plant. It's a raphidophora tetrasperma though so a very similar indoor plant."

It looks very similar to me but I will bow to your superior 'green fingers' !

They're from the same plant family and look very similar!

I bought it thinking it was one of these! It's definitely not!

Use a garden cane and cable ties to support the plant, then maybe greenhouse or if it survives, the garden ?

I've had two over the years - the first one lived in our unheated conservatory for years, I used to bring it into a warmer room in the winter. Then it got too big to keep moving it; it was ok for a few years, then we had a winter with a couple of nights of minus double figures and it went black and died🙁
The second one (in a different house) I put on a table in the hall and tied it to the banisters. It just kept on growing upwards, but it started growing outwards as well and just took up too much room. I gave it to a friend of a friend who brought a large van to take it away- no idea what they did with it in the end!

Oh she's pretty! I'd give her a lot of support (bamboo or the one that's been linked) and let her have a corner of your very stylish bathroom. I do love indoor plants and my 15yo daughter has picked up my liking for them and taken it to new levels. Her room resembles a rainforest now.

My plant is app agrees that it's a cheese plant too.