Help me fall back in love with my garden

[squashyhat]

Semi-lighthearted but if anyone can kick some sense into me I would be grateful.

I would describe myself as a good and reasonably experienced gardener. But lately I'm feeling I just can't be bothered. I used to love coming home from work and pottering on summer evenings, and waiting for things to come up in the spring. I thought when I retired it would be even better - plenty of time to experiment with new ideas. But now it just seems like one big chore. It's not massive and I have no lawn - mix of perennials, annuals and veg in the back with bark chip paths and a pond and perennial ferns and shade lovers in the front. The veg has been awful this year - very few beans, rubbish lettuce, no peas at all germinated. Even the courgettes are reluctant. The only things doing well are leeks which my OH planted and I don't even like very much! And the weeds - oh the weeds. I go out and all I can see are bloody willowherb, foxgloves and bindweed. Plus some tiny creeping yellow thing which breaks off the minute you touch it.

It took me 4 goes to get sweetpeas to germinate and I've had about 3 flowers which have all been covered in greenfly. The pelargoniums which I faithfully nurtured all through last winter have hardly flowered. I've just finished doing some dead heading while thinking I don't really want to encourage more flowers on my perennials as I'll only have to deadhead those as well! The hedges all need cutting, the shed is rotting away and the decking bounces when you walk on it. Plus next door are having an extension built so even when I can persuade myself to just sit and try and enjoy it there are builders everywhere.

I'm trying to think of positives - the raspberries are doing well and we have a huge bed of beautiful nasturtiums climbing everywhere. We have the money to fix the shed and decking, but the rest will just be the same next year.

Please help me not to have the whole lot paved over

I'm not growing veg next year. I know everyone swears by it, and half the country has lockdown veg patches but I'm done.

My only real successes were courgettes of which we have a massive glut at exactly the same time as everyone else and which are currently for sale for about 20 p each .

I'm sticking to plants I love, which grow well. I enjoy deadheading with a glass of wine in one hand so I'm going to do that. I'm also going to scatter nasturtium and poppy seeds in bare patches and I'm going to bring out the old faithful spot weedkiller for the bindweed. I might, perhaps, sow a few annual seeds but the fecking dahlias can stay where they are and if the slugs eat them all so much the better

So there

@TurquoiseBaubles right back atcha with the the tongue. I think that may be part of the problem - I keep persevering with the same things rather than think about what I really like and want to grow.

Another non-food gardener here. I've got a small garden, it faces north, I'm busy. Everything I've grown to eat has been difficult, tomatoes, raspberries, lettuce, even bloody sorrel. So now I just grow non-edibles and am pretty ruthless - if it doesn't work fairly quickly I compost it :)

Seriously, I could have written your post a few years back. It all just seemed a lot of work and I'd feel overwhelmed. Lockdown changed that for me. I just do a little bit at a time and I enjoy it. I've a notebook where I write down tasks as I do them or think of them, month by month, and that helps me from one year to the next.

My one concession to hard work is dahlias, but I do them in pots and then put them where I want. Much easier to avoid snails etc.

Is there anything in particular you'd like to do or change? Perhaps having a specific focus might help?

I find weeding an almost daily task. After the big effort to clear the obvious ones, I do a quick daily inspection and pick out the next obvious ones. Gradually there are less and less to remove.
Spend some time looking at similar sized gardens on Pinterest, garden programmes on catch up or treat yourself to a copy of The English Gardens, (apologies to Wales, Scotland and Ireland). You might be inspired again.

Thanks for all the encouragement. I think I may be letting disappointment at a poor veg year colour my overall view. I have suggested to DH that, before everything dies down, we go round with a notebook and camera and make a note of what we want to keep, what we would like to change and possible replacements. I don't want an 'easycare' garden but there's no point in working hard and not being happy with the results.

The joy of a garden is the way it changes. If you’re growing the same things in the same place, you will get bored.

My seed list each year is some staples, and then quite a lot of packets of completely new things. I’ve grown lots of different foxgloves, D grandiflora, D laevigata etc, a fun packet of different species roses - did you know sweetbriar are already giving out a hefty apple scent at 3” tall? - Anchusa azurea, about 5ft tall with intense dark blue flowers, an absolute stunner which I’m going to make sure I have every year. This year’s stare is giant goosefoot Magentaspreen, 3ft tall, grey foliage with velvety magenta shoots, and good eating too. It all helps to keep the interest going.

And for some reason my spellchecker, which has been assiduously changing all plant names to random selections of English words, actually recognises magentaspreen

In total agreement in the vegetable growing front, my work got a lot busier and I now have a bit less time. Young kids and dogs in to the equation and there is no time!! So I’m not doing vege gardens. The kids can do that with the grandparents for now. My herbs will stay and we may reintroduce some beds later on but for now it’sa pleasure garden!

I have made a promise to myself for the future - DO NOT plant free veg plants people give you in the spring - I end up with some very healthy plants (swiss chard, courgettes) which I'm not fussy about eating, some very unhealthy plants (cabbage summer broccoli, lettuce) which look miserable and caterpillar full, and odd things like coriander, stripey beetroot, basil which I forget to use. That leaves not much room for the things that do do well and we actually eat.

Next year it's runner beans, broad beans, potatoes, leeks, kale. They grow well, we eat them and they are available into the winter. Free gifts will be chucked!

I have planted some plants especially for butterflies and bees. Eupatorium cannabinum is one, tall not very pretty. More buddleia
The greatest success was an oregano plant which I have let flower, whiteish flower heads - it has been busy with bees all summer, the flowers are tiny and seem to just expand out from the flower head.
I will be splitting that and increasing the area.
That makes for rewarding gardening whether there are weeds or not.

Maybe you could opt for an 80-90% low maintenance garden? Then you can keep some space for growing things like veg or sweet peas but if you don't feel like it or they fail, you can chuck in some nasturtium seeds or cheap bedding plants. Or even just grow things in pots and leave the borders easy care.

You can grow a lot of fruit and veg in pots, if you don't mind the watering. I find them easier to protect from slugs etc, you can make sure they have the perfect soil conditions more easily, plus you can move them to a different spot if they aren't flourishing or throw them out if all else fails. I grow high yield, disease resistant dwarf varieties in pots.

Personally, I only bother to grow the varieties of fruit and veg that taste much better homegrown and that I really like eg tomatoes, strawberries, peas, globe artichokes, asparagus etc or are small, easy and handy to have a constant supply eg herbs, cut and come again salad leaves, radishes, spring onions. Carrots, courgettes and cabbages are cheap and no better homegrown than from the supermarket. It isn't really worth the effort.

I can’t be arsed with growing veg, would much rather buy it from the farm shop. 😂
What about having a cutting garden instead, lot more fun! I grow cosmos, larkspur, amaii, zinnias and dahlias. Like you I have had limited success with sweet peas until this year, I grew them in the ground. The ones in the pots are rubbish in comparison.
Also, I always lose interest at this time of year, everything looks tatty and straggly. Have to resist the temptation to cut it all down!

A pond!

Not only does it open up a whole new category of plants, it also brings more wildlife into the garden - giving you more to look out for and (hopefully) therefore, inviting you to get out there taking an interest again.

We are 'renovating' our garden which has meant lots of digging up old and bulky plants that are not to our taste and replacing with light flowery things or grass. Back breaking work and not much joy from it but the garden was really cluttered, dull and masculine.

Our raised beds that we've inherited are pretty knackered and there is just so much hedge to trim - it all feels like chores rather than fun. AND the weather has been pants. Grump

Am hoping a few hacking weekends in autumn and a big bonfire will sort some of the bigger issues it can be a bit more fun next year. That plus fucktons of membrane and bark to keep the weeds down a bit!

I could have written this. I’ve loved gardening for years, but I am so over it. Our garden is big as well. The veg garden is the worst thing. My greenhouse is home to biting ants, so I started seeds but then couldn’t get in there. Tomatoes didn’t get support. It’s full of dead things in pots. So depressing. The potatoes were tiny, the lettuce disappeared altogether, as did the peas beans and leeks. I’ve always had good strawberries but I moved them to a new bed last year and it’s too shady.The weeds are massive though.. I need to to do less but do it better next year.
I have a plan. Take all the failures and weeds out. Plant some elephant garlic, winter lettuce and onions, and cover any spare ground in cardboard. Clean the greenhouse. See if any of my million packets of seeds can grow in the green house over winter. I’m going to try for 4 hours tomorrow and see if I then feel more hopeful.

Oh and ponds are lovely, we got one last year, but they also get weedy, and the dogs jump in and then trail slime through the house. And if the lining gets punctured they get very ugly indeed.

I am feeling the same. There is so much bindweed this year, and nettles.i am allergic to stings and so can’t get into the beds after a certain point in the year, I have to be cautious. Normally I have someone to help a bit through those months with a day here and there that keeps on top of things, but my lovely gardener has moved away and there seems nobody else at the moment. Now the weeds are out of control, all the lovely things are getting overwhelmed, and so many things this year failed to do well because of the cold Spring, then a long dry stretch.
I have some nice things in pots, I think i need more pots next year !

Oh blimey. I’ve got so many pots and mostly they are a disgrace. I keep thinking no more pots.

I tend to have plenty of fruit in my small veg plot. Much easier and needs less watering. I have raspberries, red currents, thornless blackberries, gooseberries and black currents. I also had strawberries but they are too much work, and a cherry was a waste of time, as the birds ate the fruit and it was difficult to net properly. Then just runner beans. I also have a couple of small apples elsewhere in the garden and an absolutely gorgeous pear (Beth), which yields tons of fruit, even when quite young. Although that was slightly unfortunate, as I greedily kept it all on the second (plentiful) year, and it broke a big branch.

When we moved here ten years ago DH decided he (he not we!!) wanted a pond and waterfall. The waterfall was to be edged in local stone, so we scoured the local papers to see who had any to give away (he's of Scottish descent and he admits to having short arms and long pockets) Anyway, after foraging all over the local area wee managed to gather enough - approx 5 TONNES which has sat in heaps all over the garden for about 4yrs (I think he's wanting it to reproduce) That was year 1! Then the next summer he spent designing it all with little streams leading down to the pond area. The next year (y3) he spent marking out the stream areas and started digging out - only it was very dry and we live in an area where the soil is mostly clay. Y4 he spent whittling pieces of wood to hammer into the ground to make sure everything was level. We also ordered some marine plywood which needed cutting into strips to line the channel sides so the soil didn't cave in. For the winter the whole site needed to be covered so the plywood wouldn't fall apart. We then looked at concrete mixers and decided to buy one as it would work out cheaper over the time he'd need it.
Now we're into y5 and just as he wanted to start ordering materials COVID came along. We were able to get aggregate and cement and borrowed a young fit relation to help with the concreting of the channels. Now were into y6 and the 'construction' has begun - a 5ft high monolith made of building blocks for the waterfall to flow into - when lined of course and when some of the rock we've got will be stuck in place.
I think he thinks he's making it for me! But I'd much rather have enjoyed what years we've got left together - we're both in our 70s. We've had 2 holidays and we never go out - cos if it's a nice he 'he wants to get on' I've got mobility issues now and have become more dependent so.......

Do also bear in mind this year has been shit for enjoying gardens as it's been so grey and miserable! All those lovely evenings watering with a glass of wine or sitting breathing in the smell of night scented stocks have been ruined.

I like the suggestions for ponds, also for more fruit - perennial fruits like gooseberries and currants take much less effort and are so much more enjoyable than broccoli anyway!

Can you plan a self indulgent corner of the garden - a nice space for sitting or a hammock or something, then build enthusiasm around making that how you like?

Well. I’ve been out there doing it today and I do feel much better for it, so that is my suggestion, write a short list of achievable tasks, and do it, and while you are out there you may find that the love comes back, and if it doesn’t, you will notice more achievable tasks.. I’m going for easy wins, sweeping paths and weeding edges, just so everything looks less shit.. next year, I’m going to focus on just a few veg, and a cutting garden. I’ve done that before, easy annuals from seed, and i5 looked so pretty. My veg garden is awful, and this year I think I’ve had 2 radish3s and a few spuds, but it looks pretty because there are self seeded cosmos, nigella ,cornflowers and marigolds every where.