Why do I kill everything?

[GreenFingeredOrNot]

I moved into a house with a big garden 5 years ago and since then have planted loads of things and pretty much nothing has done well. A few have limped on like fuchsias and hydrangeas but they stay stumpy and have never flowered. The majority die off after the first year or two. Lavenders, honeysuckle, penstemon, all completely dead within 2 years. What am I doing wrong? The soil is very clay but my neighbour has the same soil and a lovely garden, he gives me cuttings and bedding plants that work well for him and they never take in my garden. What am I doing wrong? My dad says I don't water enough but I water every day unless it has rained. Should I be watering more than once a day? Or for longer? I work full time and have small DC so don't have loads of time but need to do something as the garden is just a jungle of weeds.

Plant some wheat, if that dies too then it will confirm that you’re a cereal killer.

I’m no gardener but have a friend who is and I was ‘in charge’ of one of the gardens at work for a couple of years - I had a proper gardener once a week to do the work, and I’d just tell him what colour schemes were wanted and what events were going on where to ensure the place looked how we wanted. Then he’d tell me what to buy to enable him to do that
For one of the summers we had a heat wave so I was out there every day or every other day pretty much drowning all the plants

It is possible to over water, but to both of them the rule was pretty much that what normal people think is too much is nothing. When I think a plant is soaked, under an hour later it could be dry again

The time of day affects your watering, whether it’s in the soil or pots etc
Another factor is the soil may be same in principle between the two gardens, but could be very different based on the nutrients in there. The previous occupant may have had different plants,
not been so much of a gardener or was working on the garden all of the time

Our gardener would get me to keep him stocked up with moisture gel (for just the pots I think), miracle grow etc and he had his own secret recipie mix of old soil, garden centre compost, our compost etc
Any new planting was treated to his secret mix

When you plant a new shrub, especially in the summer, it is going to need a whole watering can full of water every couple of days. Soak the surrounding soil too.

Heavy clay soil is very difficult. Your neighbour may have dug lots of well rotted compost, grit and sand in over many years to improve it, so you are being unfair on yourself making comparisons with him!
It’s possible you are overwatering. Clay doesn’t drain very well, and it’s interesting that your two surviving plants are fuchsia and hydrangia, both of which like wet conditions. Lavender likes hot dry thin sandy soil - which is why it thrives in Norfolk and Provence.
I would focus on improving your soil before risking planting more victims in it, and also ask your neighbour’s advice.

I suspect you’re just not interested enough in it. Looking at your plants, spot early signs of trouble, see what’s working and what is not.

So - mow your lawn and keep the edges trimmed, and trim your hedges. That”ll make the garden look cared for. Let your wildflowers (weeds) flower and hoick out any you don’t like. And postpone serious gardening till your children are a little older

I'm almost certain I would also be a cereal killer
Sounds like the soil really needs improving first then. I need to find someone to help me out with that!

When DH dug my flower bed he added lots of sharp sand and compost. It's in clay soil with lots of building rubble. It was hard work but meant the ground was just about soft enough to add some plants. The biggest difference was when I dumped several bags of compost and manure on top in the autumn. Over winter the worms did all the heavy mixing for me and the soil was much easier to work with this year.

Have you tried growing any roses? They prefer clay soil. I inherited some in the front garden. Even in the depths of a wet winter the ground out there is rock solid (more hardcore than soil) but the roses love it. One climber has grown up a tree and flowers prolifically at 1st floor level. Strange but pretty.

@Babdoc

Heavy clay soil is very difficult. Your neighbour may have dug lots of well rotted compost, grit and sand in over many years to improve it, so you are being unfair on yourself making comparisons with him! It’s possible you are overwatering. Clay doesn’t drain very well, and it’s interesting that your two surviving plants are fuchsia and hydrangia, both of which like wet conditions. Lavender likes hot dry thin sandy soil - which is why it thrives in Norfolk and Provence. I would focus on improving your soil before risking planting more victims in it, and also ask your neighbour’s advice.

This - my garden has taken years to really take off and several things died but I have persisted and added to the soil every year (also have very heavy clay) and it is so much better now. I have lots of lavender etc and it works really well.

I wonder if it might be the aspect? If it’s north facing/not getting enough sun?

Try Rhododendrons, azaleas and roses as someone else said. (Get a good gardening book and look up plants for clay soil) that will save too much work trying to change it. Water WITH RAINWATER give the plants a LOT when they they are newly planted. But not too much.

Also how hard are you pruning things like lavender and do you mean french or english lavender? The former seems to die pretty easily but english lavender is much easier and grows well even in the clay soil I haven't improved in my front garden. Do you prune it back in autumn and if so do you go back too far?

I found some plants like rhodedendrons took a couple of years to start flowering so there is a degree of patience. Some plants spend longer putting their energy into developing strong root systems before they flower.

I've never pruned anything, they don't grow big enough to justify it! Fuchsias go back to a few twigs over winter and lavender just dries out and dies despite watering. Don't know if they're English or French lavenders but will look out for English in future.
I really need to get a gardener to help but have never had any luck finding one that knows about plants, round here there seem to be loads that mow lawns and cut hedges but wouldn't have a clue about pruning or weeding.
I will start looking at different types of plants too, I thought fuchsias and lavenders were fairly foolproof but clearly I was wrong!

It really is the soil I've got an azalea (an acid clay soil lover) in a pot and it's not happy even with my keeping it fed with acid feed and water. The plants like lavender are very happy here, with alkili, chalky\sandy soil conditions and baking sun. no shade, and very little (if any) feeding. Rosemary is the same.

Depending on your fuchias they should be happy, they are deciduous. Maybe they need more shade or more sun!

Fuchsias go back to a few twigs over winter That's normal for Fuchsias, unless you're in the warm wet west of the country. Most fuchsias are not hardy and will die over winter. The "hardy" ones are liable to die back completely, and will throw new shoots in the spring.