Three wishes in the garden

[Chemenger]

What would your gardening three wishes be? Mine:

1. Slugs and snails would only eat weeds.
2. Grass would only grow in lawns (definitely not through my ground cover plants).
3. Rain would fall regularly, only during the hours of darkness and not at weekends.

1. Nasturtiums didn't spread so bloody vociferously
2. Clematis were immortal
3. Grass seed actually produced grass where you'd like there to be some.

I wish Plants weren't so expensive.
I wish weeding would last, but I spend hours doing it and they grow back within a week
I wish we didn't have so many ants, our garden is crawling with them

I love this

I wish my cherry trees and magnolia blossoms lasted longer than 3-4 weeks.

I wish my garden hedgehog stuck around permanently, and didn't disappear for weeks and months on end. I guess he keeps me on my toes. Typical male

I wish there was a permanent (organic, of course) way to get rid of weeds

That squirrels would look at your bulbs, seeds and newly planted shrubs and say, do you know what, let’s leave these alone as I’m looking forward to some beautiful flowers as well.

That every Saturday and Sunday, year round, was 21 degrees and sunny. Seasonal weather is welcome Monday to Friday.

That slugs and snails preferred ivy, bramble and dock to hostas and bedding plants.

That you could sow a swimming pool from seed

That the kids’ old trampoline would take itself to the tip

That the magpies would bugger off

That my dog would stop eating flowers. He likes rocket, which is OK, but chomping on nasturtiums means I don't get the seed pods to make pesto.

That it would rain more regularly. We've had good rain after two years of effective drought. But damn.

That winter grass would just bugger off. Winter is the weed season in Melbourne. Work work work. :o

That my next door neighbour on one side would get rid of the hideous Leylandii hedge which divides our gardens.

That the trampoline in my other next door neighbour's garden would disintegrate.

That my neighbour two doors down would get rid of two silver birches which are far too tall and far too close to her property and shade my garden from the evening sun.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

That my garden was level throughout.
That I had soil as diggable as Monty Don does.
That plants were less expensive.

That cuttings would always grow into plants
That spades could dig through stones
That lawns would self-level (and cut themselves if I could have a fourth)

😂😂😂 at soil as diggable as Monty Don's

Actually my one wish for my garden would be Monty Don himself

That I could see through the soil and inside bulbs etc to get a sense of what was happening

The ability to generate a status report for each plant (i am aggrieved by the waterlogging around my roots. I wish to be watered on Thursday)

Obviously I'd want total control over the weather etc but since that would also spoil some of the fun, I'll go for all tall or floppy plants to be completely self staking and stand up nicely without assistance

1. That ants would cease to exist, or at least bugger off and live somewhere else.
2. That great fat honey bees would be able to find their way out of my shed by the same route they got in (ie. the window), instead of faffing about in there for days and then dying.
3. That my garden had more shade. It's west-facing and like an oven on hot summer afternoons.

That when you chopped down a tree, there were no roots left in the ground to be dug our. I’m looking at you, ten million Cherry Laurels.

That the new trees I have planted would grow faster.

That all the brambles and ivy would disappear.

To find the answers to the following questions:

1. Where are my two indigo buddleia buzz? They were planted in the beds after flowering in pots two summers ago. Have they died? Why did they not come again last year?

1. Why did my lilac colour lilac barely flower, when it is the same age as my white lilac, same aspect, soil etc and has been pruned in the same way (after flowering)?

1. Where are my tall campanula?

Most of my questions would be along the lines of ‘what has happened to my ...’ as I seem to lose plants.

Also, why am I e only person who cannot get a wriggle to grow? I have a floribunda and a zebra, bought three years ago and they are smaller now that they were when I bought them and barely alive, to be honest.

A wriggle? A weigela!

1, I’d like to disappear my neighbours sinfully ugly garden office that is right on the southern boundary and means a large area on my garden gets no sun sept-March.

2, lesser celandine be gone

3, amazing roses.

1. That slugs and snails would become agoraphobic and bugger off into the woods behind us rather than raiding my garden
2. That my neighbour would give up on his ‘wild flower lawn’ and accept that only mowing a dandelion and bindweed patch of straggling grass once a year is utterly ridiculous.
3. That I had an endless source of lovely loam/compost/beautiful plants that would completely and miraculously transform my little patch into a beautiful garden.

It’s not much to ask is it? 😀

1. Slugs and snails would arrange themselves in a neat heap for the birds to eat and ignore my dahlias, sunflowers, etc etc

1. My garden was 20 metres longer so I could have a small orchard, greenhouse and kitchen garden rather than schlep to the allotment

1. Bindweed had not been invented

I’m the OP so I get a fourth. That my environmentally friendly slug pellets arrive before my petunias completely disappear. And that they work.

1. Bugs would ask my permission first - happy to share (biodiversity and all that) but within reason
2. Shade would fall where I want it and when I want it
3. Rain at night only (slugs and snails see 1. above)

1. Grass would just stay at its newly mowed length in perpetuity
2. More flowers would bloom in the shade
3. Slugs were banished to room 101