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Gardening

Find tips and tricks to make your garden or allotment flourish on our Gardening forum.

Does anyone's DH not like gardening or just mine?

23 replies

user1500363920 · 30/07/2017 23:24

Bit of a funny one but lately I feel like it's only my DH that does not do any gardening while I see my neighbour's DH all doing their fair share of their gardens. We have astroturf so that's like zero maintenance but when there is some weed about , my DH doesn't a blink an eye or even notice. He has basically done no garden related things since we moved in. I have never asked him to either. It hasn't bothered me much as I do enjoy buying plants with my mum and happy to plant them with my son but I just can't help to wonder why there seems like so many more male gardeners.
Then my friend who has just bought a new house was mentioning how her OH was watering the garden and saying how he better be cutting the grass when it gets long. I didn't ask how come she won't be doing it. When I told this to my DH , that was his reply - why doesn't she cut it?
It all seems like is it a male thing to me now? Is it that men look after the outside of the house more than women? And women will always have more house hold chores than men that's a given. I am not being sexist in any way. This is just something I have noticed. Obviously sinlgle mum's and so on they can manage perfectly fine but I am speaking about couples. My dad did the gardening, my brother does it ... most guys I know do look after the garden!
We are planning on moving to a new house which will have real grass and some nice trees at the back. DH is already worried that there may be more bugs and midges because he has this idea in his head from his parents home where he never enjoyed going out in the garden as there were too many midges n bugs. I explain to him that thats because his parents house have no sun and is constantly in the shade and besides her back garden theres a woodland and a train track - different trees. So yes he does not like the bugs and so on, I can't change him. At his parents , it is his mum that cuts the grass. My dil has hayfever and bil can't be bothered so leave her to do it. Maybe this is why he is like this?

Back to my question, does anyone have a DH that does not do any gardening? Should it be a shared thing? I actually really admire and respect guys that go out and buy plants and put them in the garden. I think it's lovely and shows their sensitive and caring side. I don't ever see my DH doing that :(

OP posts:
MeanAger · 30/07/2017 23:30

does anyone have a DH that does not do any gardening?

Of course they do. There will be loads of husbands who don't do gardening. For various reasons, just like there will be loads of wives who don't do gardening. I'm not really sure why you're having so much trouble getting your head round this tbh. Some people garden and some don't.

IrritatedUser1960 · 30/07/2017 23:31

None of my husbands have ever touched the garden but left it all to me, pretty much the same with the house, the car, the bills ad nauseam.
Why would they when they have maids to do everything for them.

IrritatedUser1960 · 30/07/2017 23:31

Sorry not into men these days.

MeanAger · 30/07/2017 23:31

And putting plants in a garden is a ridiculous measure of how caring and sensitive anyone is. There are loads of gardeners who are right bastards.

rollonthesummer · 30/07/2017 23:33

It's not a male/female thing!

Some people like gardening, some don't. Some are lazier than others. Some see the garden as another room-like an extension of their house and want to make it beautiful. Others hate the outdoors and just shut the door!

Surely you can see that people are all different!?

SerendipityFelix · 30/07/2017 23:39

Can you explain why your expectation that your husband should be more interested in gardening because he is male, is not sexist?

I'm way more into gardening/plants than my DP. Plenty of women on my allotment site too.

CadnoDrwg · 30/07/2017 23:47

Growing up it was my mother's garden...not my father's. Even now they're both retired he doesn't do anything in the garden except sit out there with a cuppa.

Same in my in laws house. MIL was in charge of the garden. FIL had nothing to do with it.

I hate gardening so roles are switched for DH and I so in my experience it's unusual for the garden to be "man" territory.

All to do with perspective I guess.

user1500363920 · 30/07/2017 23:49

I think recently there is something wrong me as I just cant help myself but compare my DH to other people's DH. I know for a fact that it does not help that my mum who is single and separated mentions to me nearly every day how her bro-in-law is such a wonderful husband and does everything for her wife. I have said to her before that she is constantly saying this and is she just trying to hint to me that my DH is not.

I know you guys are all right and I agree. Everyone is different. I did not mean to upset anyone in my OP. I was just curious that's all. As I said, all my neighbour's DH do the planting and I have just never came across a male that does not that's the reason for my post. Hope noone takes it offensively and please see it from my point of view.

OP posts:
redfairy · 30/07/2017 23:50

I love gardening but DH is totally disinterested. I'm really disappointed as I'd hoped he might get the gardening bug and we'd have a shared interest.
I do have to enlist him to do heavy stuff (dig out a large plant, go to the GC and get conpost, saw branches that I can't reach) which he does very reluctantly.

user1500363920 · 30/07/2017 23:55

Same redfairy , i also wished that my DH would have even a tiny interest in the garden and plants. I just think nature is so beautiful. I am so excited to move to a new house with lovely tall trees in the back , DH is not so happy with this. He is only agreeing as this house is in the cul de sac n away from the other road which is a bit busier.
I just pray we don't have arguments over our trees in the back. I am already preparing myself that I will be doing everything gardening related. He has even said that I will have to take the bins out myself if there are lots of bugs in the garden. He wants to get the artificial grass so neither of us have to cut it- that will be fine with me.

OP posts:
SerendipityFelix · 31/07/2017 00:14

Sod what your Mum thinks makes a good husband, or what your neighbours' husbands do; what do you think?

Are you unhappy that your husband doesn't show more interest in the garden because you'd like to share your love of nature with him, or because you feel he's shirking some of the work of the household?

user1500363920 · 31/07/2017 00:30

Yeah I know but it just gets to you sometimes when someone says almost every second how much of a wonderful husband my uncle is. I probably should just reply well good for you for admiring him for the 100th time!

No i am not unhappy with my DH I just compare a lot and it is a terrible habit of mine, I'll admit to that. Yes just wish he would have a bit of love of nature and animals more as I love taking my kids to outdoory places but he will come along too.

Yes - everyone is different. I hear you all loud and clear :)

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 31/07/2017 00:31

Whoo Hoo! You have a 'blank canvas'. Go for it. Oddly enough he will start to show interest in a few years time.

BackforGood · 31/07/2017 00:39

all my neighbour's DH do the planting and I have just never came across a male that does not

Seriously ? You must know a very small number of people. Hmm

Loads of people either don't like gardening, or possibly more don't have time for gardening, or maybe, don't prioritise time for gardening. This includes lots of women and lots of men.

Thinking about couples that I can think of who have lovely gardens, I don't think there is a particular bias as to those where they both like it, those where the woman does or those where the man does.

user1500363920 · 31/07/2017 00:41

Lol!! I would love to get experimental in the new garden!

A few years time you say , hmm that would be good although he is 34 this year and I am doubtful if he will do any gardening. He'll say it hurts his back or something lame as he's had surgery from slip disc many years ago HmmNot saying gardening has any starting age , before someone comments , just saying that there is still no interest at 34 years of age. I guess you never know these things. Maybe my 3 year old son will get him into it!

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 31/07/2017 00:45

Um if you listen to GQT you will find more rows happen about the garden. I you enjoy it, embrace it, make it your space.

user1500363920 · 31/07/2017 00:55

Great advice! I am going to love looking up at the lovely tall trees instead of seeing the back of neighbour's houses!
I shall embrace it! Perfect advice! Stuff the DH and block out his rubbish about how trees look dull! Trees are tranquil for me!

OP posts:
KanyesLunchbox · 31/07/2017 08:15

Dh cuts the grass and will do specific jobs if I ask him but he's wholly uninterested too. I'm not especially enthusiastic bout gardening but I don't dislike it and like to look at nice plants so I make some effort. If your dh makes no effort at all ,tbh, in my mind he gets no opinion on the trees!

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2017 08:28

I'm not sure why you're getting a bit of a hard time here. It's not simply you love gardening or don't, the garden needs to be maintained, just like the house, and not liking gardening doesn't give you a free pass to leave all the work to your partner.

Unless there is some form of agreement he does more in the house than out or is willing to pay for a gardener then he's not playing fair. He won't take the bins out as he doesn't like bugs? That's ludicrous.

I can't say either my husband or I love it, but we have a big garden and work needs doing so we share it, yesterday I cut the grass and strimmed he was cutting stuff back and burning stuff, other times it's the opposite, and we go to the garden centre together.

Bottom line is it's a shared responsibility just like the house and unless otherwise agreed the work should be shared. It's nothing to do with gender,it's everything to do with not shirking the work.

AlternativeTentacle · 31/07/2017 08:31

I teach gardening, do most of the gardening in our house [he does do weeding and we share the mowing which is my fav job as I chuck all the weeds on the grass path and use the mowings as a mulch], and he does help dig out the odd tree when I need him to; and I also have a shed, and all the power tools, do all of the DIY, whilst he stacks the dishwasher. I also prepare all the firewood, and prune all the trees.

What is your point exactly?

2014newme · 31/07/2017 08:36

You have a very bizarre outlook!

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2017 08:38

She doesn't have a bizzare outlook. I'd be royally pissed off if my husband refused to help in the garden, just as pissed off if he refused to help in the house. Gardens take work and unless otherwise agreed, just like housework it should be shared.

Justgivemesomepeace · 31/07/2017 08:46

My dp would never dream of touching the garden. The only thing he does is paint the decking/fences as he seems obsessive about it rotting. He has said he thinks it should just be flagged all over and that's it. How depressing. He would never cut grass or plant anything in a million years. My mum and dad always had a nice garden, dad did most if it and mum seemed to be in charge of flowers. She's gone now and dad just cuts the grass and bushes now. I think he just did it all for my mum. He has no interest really.

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