Collapsing conifers!

[catinboo0ts]

I've inherited a garden with loads of leylandii? leilandi? conifer things.

Some of them are sort of growing sideways. I'm really not a gardener

How the heck can I get them growing upwards again? I've got bamboo canes but I don't think they'll be strong enough.

TIA

No one? My first post in the gardening section ever?

It's flopped like one of my conifers

How big are they ?
I had this in my previous were in a wind path and grew sideways. I tried staking them when they were about 5 feet tall.
That didn't work so we tensioned them with ropes.
They got to about 20 feet tall, still sideways. I couldn't shift the buggers.

Chop them down and plant something nice.
Job done.
No need to thank me, I'm not a gardener either

Chop them down and plant something nice.

^ This. And I am a gardener and teacher of gardening. Especially the leylandii. Horrid stuff. Plant some nice things that give you joy. Like a beautiful Paper Bark Maple, or an Amelanchier with it's wonderful spring flowers and June berries. Or a Japanese Acer with it's elegant drift of leaves.

Anything but a bloody conifer.

I'm a gardener and I agree with AlternativeTentacle. Bloody horrible things when they have been allowed to grow unchecked.

There aren't any cost effective cheap ways to remove them and you cannot cut them back without getting a mass of dead, brown, branches. If the limbs you are trying to train are no thicker then say, your wrist, you could try cargo straps to winch them into a more upright position. It won't be 100% but will probably be better than what you've got.

Steve

I am more than happy to chop the fuckers down. But I what do I ask for in Homebase to replace them?

Don't go to homebase. Go to a local plant nursery.

Yesyesyes get rid of them. Then talk to your neighbours about what grows best in your area and ask for the names of trees/shrubs in their gardens that you like. Most gardeners love being asked for advice and are happy to share information and the occasional cutting.