Oh gawd I have never been in this section before - come and help me do a garden makeover don't chase me out with your pitchforks PLEASE

[FrannyandZooey]

We have a little garden - about 12 foot of grass (am guessing here, not very good at measurements) surrounded by a few foot of patio and path, with one corner of a couple of foot of earth, in which there are a few bushes (have no idea what they are).

It always looks messy as we are lazy and not gardeners. When we moved in I tried to plant a few sunflowers but nothing ever came up. The soil seems to be full of stones and I mean FULL of stones.

What I would like to do is use it for ds to play in / work in more - get rid of the bushes and get a patch of earth where he can just dig and muck about, and also some space where he can plant things - flowers, or preferably stuff we can eat as well.

Can you advise me on, well, anything? I know NOTHING about gardening and I am semi-phobic about slugs and spiders so can't handle growing a load of lettuces to see them covered in creatures. Will we need to do something about the soil? Is 2 foot by about 7 or 8 foot (going round a corner) enough room to do anything with a 3 year old or will we have to sacrifice some of the grass?

PLus we are still planning to convert a corner of the patio to a sandpit so any advice on that welcome.

Anything else that would be fun / useful for a small child to do in a garden? I don't care what it looks like as long as it is being USED (at present it is neither a smart garden nor a fun family garden IYSWIM)

We are clueless but willing....well, willing-ish

You know those big glass pint pots for beer, the ones with the handles? One of those fell on his head. He has a lump the size of a robin's egg. I took him to GP who said take him to A&E because he was drowsy and had clear fluid leaking out of his nose (rather worrying to say the least, but it could just have been snot). The doc at A&E says he thinks everything is OK though, we are to watch him for the next 24 hours and bring him back if anything awful happens.

You could get some of that log roll stuff and partition an area off. I am getting some cheapy willow roll stuff (£4.95 for 5m from Homebase) to get over a major flaw in my garden - the lawn slopes onto the flower borders - not ideal when you have a football mad 6yo.

Oh shite

I bet that was fun to explain

I blamed the cat

Oh is that the stuff that is like bits of wood chopped in half bozza? We have got some of that round the edge of what is there now

I must admit I am not terribly fond of it but we could easily reuse it as you suggest?

I think they believed me, not least because the poor little mite was soaking wet with the water that had been in the glass when it fell I HATE going to A&E with a child though, you always feel so....watched

The cat can't hold its drink, obviously

You can also buy decorative bricks which can do the same job as the willow stuff, and also little sections of low picket fence which has little stakes to dig in - couldn't be easier

The sad thing is, I think (not totally sure) it was my fault it fell on him - the cat knocked it over on the desk, and all the water fell out of ds2, at which point I leapt up going "Oh no!!" and I think my arm caught it and made it fall off the desk

And we were having a nice sing-song too.

Will now stop hijacking your thread with our catalogue of domestic melodramas (why oh why can't we just have a NORMAL day?)

the water fell out onto ds2, obv

Yes lots of ways of doing it. The log roll is as you described. This willow stuff is cheapy and more like twigs (like those little wigwams you see sometimes) but also taller which is an advantage in terms of the football not rolling over the top but possibly flimsy in terms of the football demolishing it. For £10, I can afford to experiment. I would think though that you would want something lower for your DS, so might work well to reuse the other stuff.

We have a tiny garden and a great book that inspired me with ideas was "Great Little Gardens" by Anthony Noel. It has so many great things to do in tiny spaces and I would thoroughly recommend it.

I saw a lovely idea at Wisley where they had placed two old sinks at child's height. One was used for sand and one was used for water play. The children seemed to love it. I think it is useful to have a patch of grass with children because it is comfortable to sit on in summer and play. And nice for picnics.

As for plants, I think box can look really nice if you plant it in mini-hedges or rows. It needs very little maintenance - a trim every year. And it is evergreen which means it looks nice all year round.

An easy way to make a yard look more interesting is to put a pair of bay standard trees in pots near the back door. They add a bit of height and interest, but need virtually no looking after as long as they get some rain.

ch, sounds lovedly,,, op about your sand pit it may be wise to buy one with a lid to put insitu as neighbourhood cats used to love ours

I will return to this at some point with a photo of the garden

thanks for all the ideas which have really got me thinking

whirr click-click

tic-tic-tic-tic..."Thanks for nothing Greeny, you can stick yer fernickety namby-pamby artsy-fartsy feckin rockery twattery shite up yer arse and swivel it, some of us have LIVES to lead and, um, erm.....baskets.....tic-tic-tic....baskets and erm......whirr-click....yeah. Baskets."

Oh, Greeny, you do write comically, even about things that make me want to hug you - hope DS2 is right as rain in the morning.

Am PMSL (though not actually, a la Aitch, Franny and Tutter) at your lentil-human translation.

And trying to work out what you'd have called your plants

Franny, you and me both with the garden thing - THIS year, I will have a nice garden (we're moving house to get one - just got to try not to fuck this one up...!).

Hope ds2's egg has not hatched today

will you patent the lentil / human translator and follow me around, please? Especially when I am on the cc threads, as a translation of what I am thinking about on there would be quite an eye opener

has no one mentioned containers?

thats what you need, frank, lots of nice containers

you can grow lots of veg in a tiny garden in containers. easy slug proof stuff-potatoes, tomatoes, peas, courgettes/pumpkins. rocket seems slug proof also. you can't grow much wrth cwrs but its the experience, yes?

And sunlight? Does it get any? And is there a wall/fence anywhere to do a climber against?? And is there room for a fountain??

and yes I know it gets sunlight..., I mean direct sunlight???

By the way, a great book which tells you how to grow your own veg in a back garden or even on a balcony or roof terrace - "Urban Eden" by Adam and James Caplin. It has some lovely low maintenance ideas for growing your own produce in your garden.

Is it obvious I have spent years collecting and reading garden books??

We always grow courgettes. Very easy and loads of produce. Children love watching the yellow flowers and seeing how big they get. We're quite high so I normally start them off in pots in the greenhouse, but a windowsill would do. 3 plants would me more than enough to feed your family and even the neighbours! I went into labour with DS2 planting them out one year!!