Allotment Characters

[IlPorcupinoNilSodomyEst]

Now, everybody knows that one of the very best things about allotments is the variety of people you get there - who are yours?

We have the blonde lady who argues with everybody about the most trivial matters ... 'Brian the Sieve' who takes on a new allotment, sieves the soil until it's fine then moves onto the next one, to repeat the process, Roy the one who thinks he's really reasonable but seems to fall out with everybody and was Chairman and everybody left the committee cos they couldn't get on with him ...

(All names changed to protect identities, obviously!)

I LOVE BRIAN THE SIEVE ALREADY! I have thought for a long time you could make a great comedy about an allotment site.

My site is relatively new, and many people seem to be struggling. Nearly all of the first lot of people I started with have left and many others are not that committed, so the plots change hands quite regularly. Many people who start are young professionals who I think underestimate the time it takes to get an allotment going in the first year - for some reason, we really lack older people. There is no allotment committee, nor any central organisation, and that means no real social structure. It has made me realise how vital the community-building work of older people is!

Unfortunately, the person I seem most regularly is my plot neighbour, an alcoholic who tells me with pride about the time he hurled his dog against a wall in a temper. I have been known to hide in my shed on seeing him coming.

There are lovely people too, though. Two plots down is one of DH's former MA students, which is quite weird for both of them!! I think he might also have given up, though - he hasn't been all winter.

Our site is relatively new, six years, so there's a small hard core of the ones who've been there from the beginning, 'when it was all clay and rubble' who eye up the newbies with their enthusiasm and shinyness, and bet on how long they'll last.

Telling them with glee how you have to tie your shed down or it'll disappear in the winter, v exposed site.

I have only met a few so far, one I have named 'Guardian of the gate' he has 2 plots by the gate and always greets with something cheery. I have met 'Snooty lady' would quite rude about the garden trimmings I was taking to compost. After wheeling my barrow past her she said ' I can see someone doesn't like dierama very much then'. I have also met 2 other friendly women.

*who was

Is Brian the sieve looking for Artefacts?

I don't know, mypropertea, perhaps he's looking for buried treasure that nobody else knows about!

I have to say, we have a large proportion of really lovely characters, we're in a small village so we have lots of older plot holders who have been there for donkey's years and cut their leek leaves 'to let the worms out'(?!), chicken owners who are generous with poop and eggs, and always somebody to have a chat with - my plot is at the far end and it can take me an hour to get there from the gate!

I love it.

Shove, have you watched 'Grow your Own'? Allotment comedy film! I keep an eye on it on Amazon but it's quite expensive.

Noooo! I haven't even heard of it before now! I must check this out immediately!

I have never heard of cutting the leaves off leeks to let the worms out. How delightfully bonkers.

I don't have an allotment myself but we directly back on to quite a large set of allotments.

We have 'allotment knob' (shortened to AK when the kids are listening) immediately the other side of our bottom hedge. The hedge that he took upon himself to cut down one spring. Caught him at it before he exposed us completely. My thread about it might be on here still.

not bitter still. No

I am on an old and big allotment site.
I can give you
the man across from me who sucks through teeth - and says "I wouldn't be doing that"
the man with the multiple carrier bags on wobbly bike - how he doesn't fall off, I have no idea - bless him he looks about 90
the man who grows prize winning carrots, who gives all the rejects away ( and they are delicious)
All the women tend to be beavering away, lots of the (older) men go for a chat!
I love it , lots of wonderful advice, free plants/seedlings.

We have Wobbly Bike Man too ... I wonder is it compulsory to have one on each site? Our allotments have been there since the 40s I think ... The soil is amazing but so are the weeds too when you get a plot that hasn't been tended for more than six weeks!