Please can someone help me with ideas for Dd2's grave?

[3littlebadgers]

Hello green fingered mumsnetters. I need your advice please. For the past 15 months I have been really struggling with dd's grave. No matter what I plant they either get eaten by slugs or die. It is quite open to the elements where she is. When it is sunny it is dry and is not shaded, it can be windy too, but when it rains the ground becomes very waterlogged. I think it might be clay but I put a bag of nice dark soil actually in her grave, so the soil for her flowers is nice.
Dd2 was only a baby so her headstone and kerb leaves only a little place to plant so I need something that doesn't get big or her little name will be covered.
I really need to find something that will work with limited care because we have to move overseas with DH's work, I'm heartbroken to leave her here alone anyway but the thought of her little grave looking all unloved is so very hard. She is so very very loved.
Any ideas of what I can plant would be appreciated. With much thanks

So sorry for your loss OP

I personally would not go for bulbs if someone cannot tend the grave every so often simply because they look really crap after they have finished flowering for about 5-6 weeks and I wouldn't want that on a grave.

I want geraniums planted on my grave. They are hardy and pretty much fool proof, don't spread and have the most beautiful vibrant colours. They are slug resistant too. Once a year after flowering you could get someone to cut them back so that they will be as strong the next year.

Alternatively you could go for Lithodora Heavenly Blue which is an alpine plant. I planted this for the first time this year and when in flower is low growing and absolutely beautiful. It has retained its nice green colour too now that it has finished flowering so wouldn't look dead in the winter months. Again someone could trim it back once a year to prevent spread.

My heart goes out to you, 3littlebadgers.

There have been some excellent ideas for planting, I'm thinking more in terms of general grave adornment in addition. What about some particularly pretty stones, which you could even mark with a waterproof pen with a message: her name, your names, your feelings. Perhaps every time you go on holiday somewhere you choose 'Azra's stone' and save it up until you're next in the UK, then place it somewhere on the grave where it won't get on top of the planting. The stone could be somewhere from a beach or the countryside, or a semi-precious type stone from a shop; it could be a pretty shell or a fossil. Just something of your lives you're taking back to your precious girl and leaving with her there, something that will withstand whatever the weather conditions.

Heathers do well on acid soils thog I think for some varieties it doesnt matter too much but anyway its important for them that the ground doesnt get waterlogged so ultimately if yo think the ground is damp clay probably heathers might not do

here is a heather guide
www.theheathergarden.co.uk/all-about-heathers/

here is an aster guide
www.autumnasters.co.uk/asters.htm

here is rose sweet dreams
www.classicroses.co.uk/roses/sweet-dreams-bush-rose.html

Bless you all, you have all given me lots to think about. I will have a good think before I go wild. I was all set for doing it today but the rain, thankfully had made me take stock.

The idea of collecting her stones is lovely. Maybe I could take her new ones when we go to visit and bring home her old ones that have been with her for our own garden.

I am sorry for your loss.

Just wanted to give you planting advice re bulbs. Bulbs of different plants can all be planted on top of each other (think about how it would be in nature). You need to put the biggest at the bottom and then layer up. This way the bulbs will not take up that much space and it will look lovely from Jan to May/June even later depending on what you plant. I wouldn't plant tulips as some varities only flower once. But everything else will come back regularly. Hope that helps.

Very helpful Ninja thank you, I wouldn't have done that I would have just squashed them next to eachother. Good tip

3littlebagers you sound like a lovely person, I'm so sorry for your loss.

If you can afford it would you consider hiring a gardener for an hour a fortnight to pop in and keep it nice? You could discuss planting with them and have the plants updated for the seasons so it will always be pretty and the gardener could send you photos to keep you up to date?

I'm sure there are people who would be more than happy to do this for you...have a google, i found this annasgardens.com but there must be loads of independent gardeners around who could fit in a little job like this and make it really special for you.

FauxFox thank you for your suggestion. I think I might do just that. I might plant the bulbs and let the gardener know. I'm thinking of arranging it when we have actually moved so I can feel like I'm looking after her and doing something special for her from afar.

Thank you all so much your kindness has really touched me

Good luck flower

Sorry to hear of your loss

I am in central/ west London and could go out occasionally if you like? Just pm if so

Another suggestion is small ornaments or similar that will last ages. Or things like those ceramic butterflies you can get in garden centres, or nice shells or similar. That way you get around the seasonal diffenences also

I'm glad you are finding a way through this