ooops I'm in the doghouse

[pum]

3rd day of summer holidays with 2 DSs. Have attacked a bed by the house which contained overgrown rose, lavender and sundry bulbs, all choked with bindweed. This was actually my DS's (the younger) garden ... and I had his permission to 'nuke' it. Agreed with my son we would blitz the bindweed and plan a proper bed on return from holiday.

10 mins ago DH has seen it. He blasted me, and said he'd rather I 'leave the garden to him'. 'Can't believe I've been so stupid' ... etc etc.

I am very annoyed/hurt. I don't do much in the garden (so many other jobs), but had good intentions. I am also painting the outside windows above this flower bed.

Can anyone sympathise/empathise? Wonder why I bother sometimes. Going on holiday on Sunday .. so if it wasn't for the darling children would probably suggest I don't go.

I don't understand the problem? is he always such an arse? you poor thing I'd be mad as hell how dare he>

He's pretty good (I think). Fantastic with the children, works very hard.

I knew he would be cross that I'd taken everything out of the bed, but it looked horrendous. It's all gone to the tip today :-) I thought if the 'evidence' was gone, it might be easier ... but it wasn't.

He's now sulking, and i'm sulking ... Am fairly new to MN .. but it's proved to be worth its weight in gold tonight. Just posting a random frustration to anyone who is listening feels so good. Thankyou cjel.

no worries, glad to help still couldn't live with a man who told me off for doing my own garden! 'pretty good(I think)' really wouldn't do it for me and as for his sulking? Sounds like my idea of hell.
I also don't like the sound of 'i knew he'd be cross' Its not a one off is it?
This is emotional abuse of you . Fantastic with children works very hard - but emotionally abuses you Oh Dear. Poor you. I'd need change or you could be a wreck in a few years.

Oh hang on...I think calling it emotional abuse is a bit harsh! I'm a bit precious about my garden and if my DH waded in and pulled everything out of a bed I'd be furious! If it was the laundry or the housework he'd attacked then different story but...I'm a bit attached to my plants and I'd hate for them to be ripped out without being consulted first!

PS - Why didn't you just attack the bindweed?

Maybe you should talk about something like this before you do it again in the future - it sounds like you've probably dug up and got rid of some mature plants that could have remained. Sounds like you and your DH don't share the same vision for the garden! If you knew he would be cross why didn't you talk about it first?
Doesn't sound like something you should really fall out over though.

It wasn't hi garden it was there Dss bit of garden so he already had given control of it to someone else. I don't know what sort of relationships you have US , but to know he would be angry before he even came home and the names he called her and the sulking is bad and I'd say EA. He couldn't have been that attached to it or it wouldn't have been in such a mess.
Also if they are married and share a family home why on earth should she get permission to make changes to the overgrown bit of garden that they had allocated to ds, Ds was fine with changes. This is controlling.