holding back tears over plant invasion

[SparkyUK]

There is no question really, I think I'm just looking for a bit of sympathy. My inlaws are staying with us for the summer (and I need a hell of a lot of sympathy on that point alone). They went away the other weekend and came back with 5 plants they had bought at a NT garden center. Was a bit annoyed bc we've just had the garden landscaped and I spent ages working on my planting plan and have been patiently waiting for things to bed a bit before going on any mad buying sprees. And I've also been really good about not buying up just singles of plants that I like and really working to plant in multiples and also to coordinate where possible with season and to get a spread of shapes and coordinating colours etc etc.

Now they've just came back from a week away with over 15 different plants as "gifts" for us. We live in London. Our garden is Not That Big. They are currently sitting watching DH plant them out into random gaps (not really gaps but places where shrubs will grow in in a year or two.) They're grinning their blooming faces off like it's the best thing in the world. They don't even remember what half the plants are (raided a friends garden) and keep saying things like "just plonk it there. or anywhere. it doesn't matter!" It bloody well does matter, thank you!

If I were the type of person to post in AIBU this would perhaps go there. DH sort of gets it and says we can rip them all out when they leave but even that isn't really the point. Sigh. I know I'm being a bit of brat, but some one on here must get it, right? please?

You are not being unreasonable at all. Why should anyone else decide what goes in your garden? You don't choose their furniture do you?

Oh yes I do. My lovely sis has a very expensively landscaped garden and I have a large bare one that I'm carefully planting. My mum has thinned lots of d'sis garden and removed plants which are known allergens to plonk in my garden to save me money. I have asthma and excema and can do with out putting plants that are known irritants in my garden, thank you. No I'm not ungrateful it's just my project! Plus My sisters garden is modern mine is ment to be country cottage.

It's the outdoor equivalent of ugly ornaments/paintings... so I get it but I also suggest perspective is required?

Relatives are a right pia at times but a massive loving support at others. This action of theirs is meant kindly. Manage it as kindly as you can whilst preserving good feelings for them.

I completely get it. Similar things drive me bonkers, and it's hard to keep perspective when you (I) have told people your colour scheme for a tiny back yard, and every gift is the very colours that are banned. Grrr.

Sending sympathy for you having in-laws to stay the whole summer.
Also sending sympathy that they went and bought many plants of their own choosing rather than ask you first. This is typical parent-of-grownups behaviour.
Also sending sympathy that their choice didn't coincide with yours. Most unfortunate as otherwise this could have been a happy event.
Also sending sympathy that they rather irritatingly had a wonderful time buying plants and going to NT places when you didn't. This is typical parent- of-grown-ups behaviour.

In the nicest possible way you could bring up the subject tactfully (eg bring up your planting plan with names of plants you want and gift vouchers for garden centres). If they are beyond the pale they have bought you the plants to save you 'wasting' their darling son's money. If they are nice they have bought you the plants because they share your excitement about your garden and want to give something to you because you are having them to stay. If you really dont like the plants you could always fail to water them and within a week of this weather they will be dead.

My dearest mum in law always sends me vouchers and I much appreciate it.

I'm sure they meant well but it's a bit like going out and buying a dozen pictures and randomly putting them up in someone's home even if they don't match!

PS This could be tricky. The garden should be a bonding thing between you and DH. Not between DH and his parents. Definitely not water all the plants. Perhaps just keep a couple you like. Go to an NT place with DH in the Autumn to get replacements.

PPS Very tricky. You see when I think about my garden one of the things I like is that it isn't planned because it is full of donations from friends and family.

Thank you ladies for all your support. Feeling less bruised now (though it will probably flare up for a while every time I look at the offenders.) They were definitely doing it out of enthusiasm and good will and maybe just a little bit of you don't know what you are going, we are the experts. And I'm sure most of them are lovely and to my taste its just there are masses of them and like Ant says, it's MY project. hmph.

And funny person, I totally agree about looking around the garden and thinking of friends and family. I have a rose that I love more than the others because it was a gift and it's a beautiful rose that I had almost chosen myself which makes me feel like my friend really knows me and thought about the gift, etc. Unfortunately, the sheer number of this gift makes me feel I won't get the same warm feeling when I look out. Oh well, what can one do expect forget to water though I don't like as suggested by you evil gardeners

You have my utter sympathy. It's like having someone else come and rearrange your kitchen cupboards - feels like a total outrage.

They mean well and surely don't get how intrusive they're being. Probably the gracious thing to do will be to thank them, nod and smile while the plants go in and then discreetly move/pull out/kill any you really don't want. If they're as ignorant as they sound about garden design they won't be any the wiser if you just say serenely 'Oh, that one just didn't thrive'.

That's the funny thing though. they are really keen and experienced gardeners so I don't understand how they have managed to over look one of the first rules of garden design. Still they think I'm a complete moron when it comes to gardening (I'm not. It is new to me, but I'm no moron) so plenty of time later in the year to rip out what I don't like and probably no need to even make excuses...

Well, they obviously mean well. So perhaps the trick will be to pick one or two things you actually want to keep, and thank them effusively in a year or so for that and keep updating them on how well they're doing; but also tell them sadly but firmly how unfortunate it was that the rest of their gifts died

Gosh, how very annoying.

Of course, it's very generous of them, but what a shame the slugs have been so rampant this year; lots of young plants just seem to disappear overnight... :(

They may be well intentioned but they are also pretty thoughtless. It's like you have done all the hard landscaping work and they are having all the fun choosing plants. I would definitely pull up their plants after they had gone and meanwhile tell them not to buy any more as you would prefer to choose them yourself.

Mooncup is right about the terrible depredations of slugs, especially with the rainy weather this year. Amazing how they can just demolish plants overnight

Blame the slugs! Love it! What else can I blame on them? Can they be the reason I didn't unload the dishwasher this morning before leaving for work??

FarSide, that is exactly it. They are doing the fun part But I just need to keep perspective and remember that I can move things to pots (I can't imagine throwing out plants jsut yet - probably a sign that I am still green) and put in what I want later.