People taking 'clippings' from your garden

[mrsmplus3]

Whilst watching my child one day at my house abd whilst u was at work, a member of my family took 3 shopping bagfuls of clippings from the shrubs at the front of my garden to take home and put in her own garden.
I am quite annoyed about this as one in particular looks really bare now and it's in a horrible shape now.
I planted the shrubs about 6 years ago and
they were really beginning to look great, especially when in full bloom during the
summer.
Anyway, I was just wondering if this would annoy anyone else?
I am also a bit nervous if she tries to do it again this year. It's hard to say anything to her
as she's quite sensitive but I've planted new clematis in the back garden and I think I would actually cry if she touched them just now.
Thanks in advance for any replies.

Did she ask you? If not, I find it strange that she helped herself.

I would be happy to give cuttings to anyone who is wanting to create some greenery and plants.

Thing is they should ask like anything else they want - to borrow/take - of yours....that gives you the choice to say yes/no and decide how much they can take.

No she didn't ask at all. When I came home from work she said I hope you don't mind but I took some clippings. It wasn't til she was leaving I saw the bags and then checked out my front garden and was pretty horrified to see how much she'd taken. She also broke off branches to get them as they were left all jagged and there was a branch left discarded on the ground.

Oooh, I would be annoyed!

Thank god you get it ladies. She's a lovely women but does do stuff like this every so often and I think she just feels at home here but surely deep down she knows she should ask?

My goodness that's terrible! I mean taking cuttings should in no way damage the parent plant, and if she's left it out of shape I would be fuming. I would definitely say something.

Any ideas on what to say about the clematis or if I ever come home again to something like before? What would you do if it was your garden?

I am fuming. And it was last year as well. It's because it's getting to that time of year again I'm scared it's going to happen again. Although, there's not much left of the nice big flowery one in the middle. Other thing is, she doesn't even really know what she's doing. The last clippings didn't work out for her. She should just buy herself some.

You could say: "if you want any more clippings, please let me know and I'll take them for you" and possibly add, depending on how well she takes this, "I'm worried about the plants getting damaged".

Mind you, I'm not known for my subtlety.

I would have been MONUMENTALLY pissed off.

Ok seen as I'm getting so much support, for which I am very grateful and feel very validated in my feelings about this, I actually did cry the last time it happened. It just seemed so brutal to the plant! It used to look lovely but it was butchered! I also felt quite disrespected. I couldn't believe she thought it was ok to do that! As if I'm just some daft young women or as if cause she watches my child once a week she can do what she pleases in my house.
I think I will def say in a nice way, if u want any clippings this year just let me know
and I'll do it for u no prob as I'm trying to
create a nice shape? Something like that.

Plus, it takes years to grow! What was she thinking?

Thanks for the replies folks. Night for now.

I agree, you need to do a pre-emptive attack suggestion. This would put you out of your misery and also maybe plant the seed in her head that she shouldn't just help herself. I'm a bit of a wuss but think this could be a very non-confrontational approach.

My mum used to regularly prune my plants according to her satisfaction which would really really really annoy me. She never stopped even though I asked her outright not to as she thought she was 'helping'. In the end I let it go. When the children grew up I had my garden to do as I wanted anyway. I am sorry, mrsm I remember feeling really upset on a number of occasions.
If this person left your plant ragged you might need to double check she isn't developing Alzheimers. Those bags dont just sound like the odd cutting do they?
Looking back I also realise that perhaps people need to do something in the garden when they are out there on a sunny day with little ones, just to be active.

She's not lovely, she's selfish.

She wants something, she takes it. It doesn't matter that she ruins something of your to get it.

That's not a lovely person.

Tell her.

So what if she cries? People who are so sensitive that you can't call them on their bad behaviour are manipulative, not sensitive. I can do what I like and if you say anything or try to stop me, you'll make me cry.

Please don't take any more cuttings from my garden, my shrub is ruined. Don't do it again.

"I just wanted to tell you how upset I was when you took cuttings and ruined the shape of my plants. I realise it was a while ago now, but I am worried you'll do the same thing again so I thought I'd mention it. I am happy for you to have cuttings, but I'd rather do them myself. Is that OK?'

I'd ask if that's OK at the end just so she acknowledges what you've said and you gain her agreement.

That's very tactful Gert. I'd just miss off the is that ok bit, because you're not giving her a choice

I know, it was more to get acknowledgement rather than to imply choice. I once got upset because a neighbour pruned her side of an overhanging tree badly - can people not see they're creating an eyesore?

Thanks ladies. All very helpful posts. I WILL say something, I WILL!
Trying to convince myself here.

About the manipulative thing- I think you've hit the nail on the head. No one ever says anything to her. I did once say something about her to someone else in the family and it got back to her daughter- the daughter let rip at my husband for it. Cheeky madam. But that's the kind of thing im up against. I'm not scared of them, I just know if I ever do pluck up the courage to say something, I'll need to be prepared for a 'counter attack'.
On second thoughts, I might just keep quiet and ride out one more year of it til my child's at school, then she won't be in my house on her own to do anything to it.

What would you find more stressfull, her taking more clippings, or you speaking to her?

My mother takes it upon herself to 'helpfully' prune stuff but she does know what she's doing and she wouldn't dream of doing something like this.

I think Gertrude's suggestion is good.

You could lie. Tell her the neighbour has Downy Death Blight or Withering Stump Rot and any cuttings need to be treated to stop your shrubs getting it too. So please don't cut anything in the garden - ask if you want anything and I'll do it myself when the wind's right and I have the special medicine to put on the cut.

Then next year tell her some home truths

If you are less confrontational (or cowardly, like me) you could ask her whether, as it was coming up to the right time of year, she would like you to take any cuttings for her. You could say you have a new pair of extra sharp secateurs, which won't damage your plants so much. Then you can do it yourself and she won't feel the need to hack your plants to bits.

Of course, you could just tell her it upset you, which would probably be the right thing to do - she can't just go around doing things like that and she should know that.

Oohh, this brought back a repressed memory

MIL. Queensland, Australia.

DP and I had just bought our first house together, previously we'd been in a flat. New house had a garden which had been reasonably well planted. Due to circumstances involving buying the house 70 miles from where I was living, DP had been commuting down or me up every weekend for months; this was Easter, I'd been at the house on moving in day (as had DP, of course, but also his mum, dad and older live-at-home bro, all joined at the hip) then had to leave to go back down to my job for 2 days. Finally, on Good Friday, I'd battled holiday crowds to get up to my sparkly new house to find MIL + family still all there, her having told her DH and DS where to place our stuff in the house- but, by the time I actually arrived, she was holding court in the garden, telling her meek and mild DH and obedient DS what to pull up (because I don't like that/it's a 'weed' (read:native, not flouncy, English imported and over-cultivated- she was big on roses- in the tropics- with the expected results...)) and got really shirty when after a bit I politely asked her to stop and that I'd get onto it as soon as I could but I'd rather she didn't pull up anything else, thanks ("Well, that's the thanks I get!" etc).

I feel your pain.