Shared garden

[MilaV]

Hi! I recently found that the garden that I thought was ours only is in fact shared with another flat (looks like the estate agent lied to us when we rented it, because I later got confirmation for the landlord that it is shared). Anyway, now that we're here, I'd like to make the most of it. But I am a bit worried by the fact that our neighbour has been gardening non-stop since the good weather arrived. In fact, she's been removing plants and just clearing everything, and the other day she even suggested she would like to plant some vegetables in the part that I had assumed was mine. Anyway, I feel threatened and a bit territorial about this, but I don't want to confront her directly... so I asked a friend, and she suggested that I make use of the garden, start planting things too and make it a bit more mine. What would you do in my place? I have absolutely no clue about gardening. I want to have a good relationship with my neighbour, but don't want her to invade my -our- garden.

Thanks for listening :)

i think you have to talk to her and offer up suggestion - does she want to make clear boundary demarcation lines my bit your bit or have it as a proper shared garden and talk and agree on who does what?

Sounds reasonable. For what she's been up to until now, I'd say it's more the second. I wish I was cooler about this, but I'd really prefer each one has their space. Oh, but I am so f^^*ing shy/coward to speak about this face to face! :S

You need to sort this out now or you'll both end up quietly neighbourly seething forever more. I would recommend going and having a talk with her - maybe even invite her round for a bit of cake and coffee :) That would work well for me as I am at the moment that person looking after shared fronts at my house! It may be that she's the only one who has used it for ages so does feel it is hers, especially if she has been putting a lot of hard work into it over the years. Make it clear that you admire all her efforts so far but also that you are also keen to benefit from what is now your garden too. See if you can work together but if not you'd have to insist on segregation.

We have open plan half and half front gardens round here. As old neighbours didn't bother either side for years I have been tending, treating and loving both sides as if they were my own. However, whenever new neighbours have moved in, though I've made it clear I've been doing it so far and am happy to carry on if they are I have been quite prepared to relinquish their bits and accept they may do with them as they see fit but would be absolutely fuming if they just ploughed in, pulled up all my plants and gravelled over my beautiful loved and cared for for 5ish odd years lawns while others seem happy to have a dandelion strewn patch instead A bit of communication and negotiation could lead to years of happy neighbourly friendship. Otherwise things will be miserable all round.

So far I am surrounded by lazyarsed buggers who are more than happy to allow crazy lawn lady to do all the work herself!!

Thanks Mspontipine! That sure sounds like the more civilized and intelligent option. I feel ashamed for having all these negative feelings and not being able to just be upfront... maybe the most natural thing would be just sitting down and asking her what she/we want to do, discuss ideas, like cestlavie suggested.

Just a thing, how can I start learning a bit about gardening? The basics, I mean... For what I know now, I think I have to take the bad plants out, remove or change the soil and plant new ones... mind if I post a pic and you give me your thoughts?

I would love to see a picture but I am no expert! I'm a kind of pop it in and hope for the best kind of gardener. I am proud of my lawn though (except could really do with a load of rain and to tight to water it!!) We only have a small garden so I'm just lawn, pots and minimal beds. I do enjoy reading gardening magazines occasionally where you can pick up good tips - I love a bit of Titchmarsh! I do find the Expert books (Dr Hesseyon) helpful - especially the lawn one here
If I see a nice garden I'll speak to the owner for tips etc. It's amazing what you pick up if you're interested. There's loads of knowledgeable peeps on here particularly regarding growing veg etc - I know nothing about that. I do enjoy gardening programmes too. If you like what your garden-mate's done tell her!! Butter her up and pick her brains :)

Do keep us informed :)

If your neighbour has been doing a lot of work and you like what she has done, it would probably be quite flattering for her if you asked her for help/ ideas.

I think you need to decide what you want (two completely separate areas; one completely shared garden; your own areas but coordinated so it looks like a whole IYSWIM.) You should also decide what your compromise position would be if she has any really strong feelings. Is there any official detail, other than its a "shared" garden? Then talk!

It's never as bad as you think it will be, and you will both be able to relax and enjoy the garden knowing exactly where you stand.