Hardship loans at uni

[Lunaticmess]

Not sure if this is in the right place, but I'm looking for some advice. For the past two years, we've been looking after DS's friend on and off who has a hard time at home. For the past 6 months, this has become full time. The friend is going to uni in September and we've agreed to drop him off, but our financial situation is a little rocky at the moment due to both me and DH being made redundant recently. It never used to be an issue, but I have enough stress funding my own children's lifestyles and was wondering if I could seek help for the friend to get some belongings together for uni without breaking an already very broken bank account. He needs everything—clothes, bedding, shoes, kitchen stuff etc. I was just going to go and pick these things up, but I wondered if he could get help by way of a hardship fund. I've obviously looked at freecycle and marketplace to try and get some bits and pieces, but it would be far easier for him to have a loan so he could buy what he actually needs. Does anyone know how to access help? Because we haven't legally fostered, we've received no financial help at all, not even child benefit.

Both his Mum and Dad are local to us, but have basically washed their hands of the poor kid, and have made zero effort to get in touch with us to offer any help for over two years. I don't want him to feel like a charity case, but I'm quickly becoming one myself.

No. Never in formal foster care, and has a home but his relationship with his mother, and siblings (who trashed his room and took it over) became completely untenable. There is a history of drunken problems (though I’m obviously only getting one side of the story—and secondhand through my DS because he’s clearly a bit traumatised/socially awkward. Father is absent but local, and fully aware of his existence, but making zero effort. It’s all a bit tragic, really.

Thanks to everyone who offered me kind advice. In the end, though I wish I could argue that he is estranged, he’s left and come to us of his own accord. He has very little in the way of personal belongings, so I found a secondhand uni starter kit online with kitchen stuff, towels, bedding etc. it’s not been easy but everyone deserves a start. I can’t continue to do this, but I feel like I’ve done what I can. It also made more sense than collecting bits and bobs snd missing something important.

To the poster who said he must have clothes, you would not believe how little he has. It’s pretty sad. Only two pairs of boxers and a few, very old and tired tees and joggers. He has nothing suitable for this weather. I’ve bought lots of socks to replace what were basically rags. Thankfully, my DS is a similar size, so he has been sharing clothes, but might still need to do a Primark mercy mission. I appreciate every reply and will look into any other monetary assistance at the uni with him.

If he has little to no contact with mum, and she’s not supporting him in anyway, he’s estranged. It doesn’t matter if it he left of his own accord. Speak to the uni. We want to help.

There will be help available but he needs his status of being estranged etc. to be official. He will be asked to disclose information that he might find intrusive. And he may need to get in touch with social services.

You have done a lovely, kind thing but unfortunately by providing an informal safety net, you have potentially excluded him from more formal support. It’s a dreadful catch 22 position.

Can he open a student bank account, DD opened hers before starting uni and got £100 cash back and just eat vouchers for the year from Nationwide.

There are others available with different benefits. Also looking in charity shops for cloths would be a good idea.

I can well believe it. The local authority where the school/college is should help

Also domestic abuse charities & services - any abuse within a family is domestic abuse & not just partner to partner.

Social services should be involved too if they aren't already. An 18 year old with no parental support is classed as a vulnerable adult.

Oh FFS an 18 year old with no parental support is a highly vulnerable adult & needs support.

OP shouldn't be providing ongoing support but telling him 'to get off his arse & get a job' FFS

Finding yourself totally alone at 18 is much harder than as a younger teenager as you completely miss the care system. The future for a young person in that situation is very bleak. Clearly he is getting something right to have stayed on at school/college , got qualifications & got into uni. That's almost unheard of for kids in his situation

He absolutely plans to get a job, but he can’t do that with 4 weeks to go before uni in a completely different city. I’m well aware he’s vulnerable, which is why I asked for advice in the first place, but he isn’t my child and I’m not at all familiar with the services available or which categories he falls into. He does have some input from a step parent, but they are living hand to mouth and cannot offer any financial support. At least that one cares enough to check in, which is a far cry from the biological parents.

As you said, he is doing something right, and is pretty capable all things considered.

Sorry. Quoted the wrong post. This is a response to the suggestion that he gets off his arse and gets a job.

He does need to get his status confirmed as officially estranged. For one thing it means he will get full student finance without having to get his mum to fill in the income forms for all years.

he needs to have zero contact with both parents. It’s meant to be for a year but if he can get evidence of why he can’t return home with maybe a letter from his former school etc to back it up that will help.

definitely get him to contact the uni & explain his situation to see if any help is available.

I usually donate at this time of year to Centre Point who fund Starting Uni packs for students. Even if he isn't eligible,they might know of other ways he can access support.

Which course is he planning to do? Does he have the tech he will need such as a laptop?

How lovely of you. He has a laptop but I’m not sure how good it is. One of my difficulties is that he doesn’t really talk to me as he struggles with eye contact. This means there’s a lot I don’t know that I could probably do with knowing, but I obviously don’t want to make him more uncomfortable than he already feels,

Is the young person going to live in uni halls? If so a few clothes, towel bedding, a pan and bowl, plate, cup, knife, fork and spoon. Can easily be enough as starting point .
My kids all went and sometimes every student had brought a kettle, toaster etc. And halls provided them. I hope they settle in well.

Yes. He has bedding and loads more kitchen essentials than either of us ever had, including pots, pans, utensils, cutlery, plates, dishes, a glass and mug, grater, peeler, bottle opener, weighing scales etc. We want to give him the best possible start, but we don’t want him to be lulled into a false sense of security if you know what I mean. We’re going to help him move in, and take him for his first food shop as well. After that, it’s a bit beyond our control, and we need to be a lot more frugal to help ourselves right now. I know it sounds mean, but I will be breathing a big sigh of relief when there’s one less mouth to feed.

Nothing you have done or said puts you in a bad light, if everyone in the world was like you it would be a much better place.💕