Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

How do I get through to my very bright A-level student that he can do this?

10 replies

TruffulaTree · 29/05/2026 09:50

DS1 about to hit his exams. (He did just one before half term and the rest are stacked up over the next two and a half weeks.) He's really bright. His predicted grades are, I think, A*, A, A/B in two sciences and a humanities subject and he has an offer of ABB from a really good university to do an Earth Sci MSci programme. He ought to be able to manage that even if grades slip. His work over the last two years has been excellent. He's also been revising in various ways for most of this year. He's a sponge and absorbs the content, even of the content-crazy Biology, very well. He's astute and analytically minded, he's pretty good at looking at a question and knowing how he should be responding. He's been working away on practice past papers for ages and ages. His two sets of mocks went, for the most part, really well and they informed his predicted UCAS form grades. His teachers are supportive and encouraging and have been marking practice essay questions for the humanities subject and sending them back with feedback, they're great.

He panics.

He's never been the most confident of people. His peer group all seem to be aiming at Oxbridge or medicine (or both!) and have had to do all these entrance exams/interviews etc - they've been through a baptism of fire in the application process and he's not. He feels this makes him 'less' in some way and I struggle to get through to him that he's not! His peers are mostly predicted higher grades than he is and he lets that get to him, too. (his peers aren't doing this, btw, my son just feels inadequate beside them.)

He did his first exam (and it was a humanities paper, so essay writing answers) and it sunk whatever self-esteem he was carrying into the exam. He panicked, he doubted himself, he started crossing out sections and apparently felt like bursting into tears. I think the momentousness of it all got to him and suddenly, nothing he wrote down felt adequate. He wasn't like this in mocks!

How do I help him?? I'm desperate for him. He's lost his revision momentum (the fucking heatwave hasn't helped) and this week the dam broke and he had such a wobble - not just about the way he lost his head in his first exam but about his future, his university choice, the career he's been aiming at since he was about 4 (as in, is this not just self-indulgent, does the world really need professions like this - I think this is probably set against the backdrop of many of his friends wanting to be medics)... it's been awful for him and horrible for us, as we try to shore up his eroding self-esteem and make him realise how talented and worthwhile he is. It's like a whole house of cards has collapsed. He was so fired up a few weeks ago and now he's 'meh'. Sad

(This is coupled with a perfect storm of emotions - he's upset at the idea of 'everything ending' when the end of the academic year comes and his friends all go in separate directions, he feels like it's the end of it all and doesn't think his friends will want to keep in touch with him. And a very close friend (whom he also loves...) had a horrendous health emergency a few weeks ago and while they are now better and ready to sit exams, he was eaten up with fear for their wellbeing and that they might not pull through. Yes, he's a drama-llama, but this was a huge thing and it really distracted him. I felt terrible for his friend, and for him.)

And the heat this week has been almost unendurable - we're in the S and it's been 34/35 here, the house is superheated. We do all the sensible things to keep it as cool as we can and I'm getting him 'treat' cold drinks every day, cooking things I think he'll be tempted by, etc. But jeez, the heatwave has really NOT helped and I know that there, he's in the same boat as so many of his fellow A-level sitters. It's been such bad timing! Thank god next week is back to normal cool rainy weather.

OP posts:
bibliomania · 29/05/2026 11:40

That sounds so tough.

I find that what works best is not reassurance, but taking the catastrophizing to such an extreme length that you end up laughing at it.

I tell my dd that if she's going to fail, fail big. If she's going down, she should go down in style - cover her exam paper in rude drawings and insults to the examiner. The shame will pass down through the generations but in about three generations, they'll probably learn to live with it. It makes her laugh and common sense kicks in and she realizes it's unlikely to get that far.

Encourage him to think about the absolute worse case scenario and keep exaggerating it - he fails and the entire extended family ends up living in a rubbish dump. Nobly add that once you have your favourite little teapot beside you as you recline on a filthy abandoned mattress, you'll be okay.

You're really showing him that this is survivable, whatever happens, which takes away some of the anxiety.

RockyKeen · 30/05/2026 00:57

Just listen to him, tell him that he can only do his best and go over all the positives . I keep telling mine , what’s the worst thing that could happen ? And that everything has a solution one way or another.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/05/2026 10:30

I can’t help with exam nerves and exam technique - I hate them. I recently put off a set of professional exams for 2 years because I don’t like exams.

But I am an Earth Scientist, and please assure him that it’s excellent career choice. Future (near future) politics (and wars) is going to be based on water resources, mineral reserves, flood management, alternative energies, decarbonisation and regenerating land use. Geologists and Geographers are about to have their moment. It is an excellent profession to be in. (If he gets the oppurtunity to do any GIS modules, he should take them. Competency in GIS is very beneficial.)

My DS is Y12. You are so right about the huge content of A level Biology!

Good luck to him. One day at a time.

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 30/05/2026 10:37

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads Or engineers who actually engineer the solutions to the problems highlighted by others. Either way, there’s work!

truepenguin · 30/05/2026 10:45

Sounds like a lot of drama and noise. Bring the energy down a bit. What's his job right at this moment? To answer the question asked and to give the examiner something to mark. He's not splitting the atom (yet!). He's not discovering some ground-breaking earth science theorem. He's thinking 'how can I make it easy for the examiner to give me a tick in the margin'.

If he needs a reboot to revision (I'm probably thinking around humanities) he could try reading some current affairs relating to the subject. Often a newspaper article will give a nice insight into a subject.

icybreeze · 30/05/2026 10:49

Can you buy an air conditioner unit for his room? That might help as revising in heat is unbearable

As for the rest, this sounds like a bit of a mental health crisis to me and having been there myself I would suggest getting some external support .whether from school or doctors.

user293948849167 · 30/05/2026 11:01

My DD is going through GCSEs at the moment, the lovely weather hasn’t helped for sure.
She is really bright and did brilliantly in all her mocks but has had periods of saying she’s going to do so badly, she can’t remember anything etc.
I just keep repeating that she did well in her mocks, the studying she did then worked, just do her best, and it’s never the end of the world if she doesn’t do as well as she hopes.

Also supplying cold drinks and snacks and making sure she gets study breaks, goes out for some fresh air etc.

Would your DS do better in a smaller room rather than a big exam hall perhaps? May be worth discussing with the school

AtomicBlondeRose · 30/05/2026 11:05

I’m an examiner in an essay subject and in training we got guidance along the lines of “remember that these answers have been written by an anxious 18 year old in a hot exam room who has only studied this topic for a few weeks”. In other words, they set the exams at the standard an A-level student is reasonably expected to be able to reach. Perfection is not the aim!

MrsAvocet · 30/05/2026 11:37

I sympathise OP. My DS had a really clever friendship group at school. He's pretty bright too but his best friends were probably the highest achieving kids in the school academically speaking so it did make him feel like he wasn't good enough on occasion. It can be tough when they compare themselves negatively to others. I'm not sure there is an easy answer but I just used to remind DS that he is his own person on his own path and that whilst some of his friends were better at some things than him, he has qualities that some of them lack. But that ultimately that doesn't really matter as they are different people with different aspirations and that's ok!
Incidentally DS has really come into his own at University, now that he is in his element with his studies and is right at the top of his class.
Your DS has had a rough few weeks and sounds like he has had a big wobble but it also sounds like he is bright and hard working and has but the necessary effort in through the course. All that knowledge is in there, a less productive couple of weeks is not going to have undone all that work. If he can get his focus back now and grin and bear it for the next couple of weeks he'll be ok.
And remember that if it comes to it he doesn't have to go to University in September, he could take a gap year. I suspect once he is over this blip he will be excited to go, but possibly it might help if you reassure him that he isn't committed beyond all return now. I'd encourage him to get his head down and get through the exams, then if he really wants to he can have a rethink and look at alternatives later. It might just take the stress off a bit?

badboss2020 · 30/05/2026 11:52

It’s identical here with DD. She KNOWS she can do it but she doubts herself, panics, catastrophises and gets herself wound up going around in circles.
The heat and an unexpected painful period have been the last straw.
roll on 10th June. You have my sympathy.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page