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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

Mental health crisis before a levels

11 replies

Mixednuts123 · 31/03/2026 17:09

Mental health crisis
my child is in year 13 and likely to get A grades in two of her a levels. The other she is really struggling with and has been for the duration of her course- been times where she was doing ‘ok’ but I think she’s recently given up and lost all confidence. We paid for a tutor for several months but recently stopped as she wasn’t engaging. She has anxiety and is really struggling at the mo. Her mental health seemed generally ok last week but she has been struggling so much since the weekend. She has spent all afternoon on the floor of her bedroom, refusing to talk to us and just says she wants to drop out of a levels completely. I’ve tried to talk to her so she can discuss this but she won’t engage. I get that she is scared of failing something for the first time ever but she knows we will support her in the plans for the future- we have talked about doing alternative pathways to uni or work. We really aren’t bothered about her failing. We have made an appointment for her to see our gp.
has anyone had a young person have a mental health crisis so close to exams.
I feel that she wouldn’t be struggling if she was at college this week.

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SundayMondayMyDay · 31/03/2026 21:23

I have a year 13, have you thought about getting her to the GP and asking if propanolol might be appropriate? (In my experience they are much happier to prescribe this than anti-depressants). Propanolol is a beta-blocker which dials down all the physiological symptoms of stress. There are lots of other things you can do to relieve anxiety a bit - address sleep issues, take time out, cold water at end of shower on the back of the neck (that one is a Michael Mosley tip), and apparently ibuprofen can reduce anxiety (research has shown it is effective in animal studies). It all feels so all-or-nothing for the at 18, it’s such a problem. Your dd sounds like a high achiever, and sounds like she will do well at whatever she wants to do in life. She probably needs a massive amount of reassurance that it is not the end of the world if she doesn’t do as well as she would like in subject 3. (I suspect it could be something like physics, that’s a really horrible subject at A level - my eldest did it, and the exam questions are so complicated, obscure and bizarre, that you only need to get 50 per cent of the papers correct, to get an A).

Would she be willing to have a complete break tomorrow, to reset? Would it help her to hear about some contingency plans? If meeting her grades for a uni course is her main worry, it might be that the course would give her a place anyway, even if she misses one of the grades. (Places like Bristol last year were confirming places even when grades had dropped substantially).

As an aside, we have SEN in our family, and anxiety is very common in things like autism. Perfectionism, catastrophising, lack of flexibility, inability to cope with changes to routine (ie, being away from school) can all be part of autism. Inability to focus, needing someone to be there with you / to buddy up with can be signs of adhd. Might be something to keep an eye open n at this stage.

Thelondonone · 31/03/2026 21:25

What is the subject?

Mixednuts123 · 31/03/2026 21:34

@SundayMondayMyDay
thank you for your lovely message and tips.
We do suspect some neurodiversity and sought a referral through right to choose a while ago but the gp wasn’t supportive and persuaded her that it was ‘just’ anxiety.
she is a high achiever with very high aspirations for herself and you are right about the perfectionism etc.
She will only consider one place at the moment despite her having 3 wonderful offers for some fantastic unis. It’s almost as if she is fixated on this one place that will offer no flexibility. I’m not even that convinced that it’s the right fit at all. We have all tried to persuade her that this place isn’t the be all and end all and that she will be successful wherever she goes but she won’t listen.
I’ve tried to make a go appointment but they asked me to try again in the morning so fingers crossed. I know last time we asked for mediation for her anxiety they refused as she was 17 so hopefully they will be a bit more receptive now.
thank you

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thanks2 · 03/04/2026 07:11

If she gets a diagnosis of autism, most uni's will still accept her if she drops a grade as they make allowances for late autism diagnosis. when is she 18? A gp can prescribe anti-depressants at 18.
what subject is she struggling with? The tutor might not be right for her or you could opt for 30mins rather than an 1hr. Would I would do with my exhausted auADHD girl at A level is send her work to a tutor and ask for written feedback as my daughter did not have the bandwidth to meet / talk with someone else.

SuperGinger · 03/04/2026 07:40

How about only doing the two she feels confident with and then doing the other one next year?

Mixednuts123 · 03/04/2026 11:53

SuperGinger · 03/04/2026 07:40

How about only doing the two she feels confident with and then doing the other one next year?

College won’t allow her to study just the 2 as this would impact upon their funding.
we do discuss options
e.g.

  1. drop out and get a job
  2. keep trying, see what happens and if necessary we will pay for her to do an online a level next year (in a subject she is likely to do well in). She is quite well motivated to work alone and this should be achievable if she picks carefully.
  3. keep on with her 2 predicted a grade subjects and just do the bare minimum for the other subject- take off th stress and pressure but be aware it is likely to be a very low grade on results dta
  4. we have managed to get some medication for her for the gp so fingers crossed we start to see a positive glimmer ahead.
1.
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SundayMondayMyDay · 03/04/2026 12:54

Fingers crossed with it all. And I hope the medication helps.

Is it Oxbridge she is fixated on? If so, I seem to recall that they will only accept results from the same sitting (so they do not accept resits from afterwards). I may be wrong with this, or it may not be all courses, so worth checking the details. (As an aside, I have three separate friends with dc who started at Oxford last September, and for me it has been a complete eye-opener - the workload and pressure just seems to be completely insane, even from day 1 of term 1… there is no way I would want one of my dc going through that. It almost seems a complete recipe for a mental health disaster…).

thanks2 · 04/04/2026 10:24

having had twins finish A levels in 2025 - I would go with your suggestion of focusing on two and accepting low grade in third. She might not pick up again if she drops out and shes come so far. You would be surprised what unis are accepting for grades - they want bums on seats. but regardless, only having to study one unit again or pick up an epq to boast grades not such an issue compared to starting three from ground zero. By exam time my daughter had unfort developed autistic burnout and dropped from A+ to B in one of her subjects and her uni still accepted her.

Mixednuts123 · 04/04/2026 13:55

SundayMondayMyDay · 03/04/2026 12:54

Fingers crossed with it all. And I hope the medication helps.

Is it Oxbridge she is fixated on? If so, I seem to recall that they will only accept results from the same sitting (so they do not accept resits from afterwards). I may be wrong with this, or it may not be all courses, so worth checking the details. (As an aside, I have three separate friends with dc who started at Oxford last September, and for me it has been a complete eye-opener - the workload and pressure just seems to be completely insane, even from day 1 of term 1… there is no way I would want one of my dc going through that. It almost seems a complete recipe for a mental health disaster…).

Hi
no she was didn’t get through her Oxford application- had 2 interviews but she is now fixated on another uni. I get why she liked it but know there are other opportunities which would be ideal for her and that sometimes we are redirected by fate into other directions. Just wish she felt the same way…
I agree that the pressure of Oxford/Cambridge would have not be ideal with her mental health.
thank you everyone for your supportive words x

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Beaton234 · 04/04/2026 21:27

I did option 3 - Sat the papers for my "bad" subject but I ditched any revision to concentrate on the grades for the other two. I was in a bit of a mess emotionally, dumped by a boyfriend, didn't know what I wanted to do at uni and under a lot of pressure from parents and school.
It was my way of hitting my foot on the brake - an having an enforced gap year to get myself sorted out. I ended up with AAD which wasn't enough for the course I eventually decided I wanted to do, so I did another A level through self-study in a year (couldn't face retakes in the bad subject) and won the B I needed. All good, and went to uni a much happier person a year later.

Mixednuts123 · 05/04/2026 09:10

@Beaton234
thank you- your message has given me hope and made me realise that her options are good ones.
please can I ask how difficult you found it to complete the a level in a year? Were you able to work alongside it?

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