desperate need of uni/life/career advice

[ForTealViewer]

hi, in desperate need of help.

I’ve posted before a few times. But I have seriously messed up with university, joined in September 2022 after my alevels and left in December 2022. Started a new uni in Sep 2023 in the hopes of it being different, had a successful first year and then got to 2nd year and had such a breakdown. I just realised I couldn’t keep up with this for further years.

I feel such a disappointment. All my friends will be graduating this summer and I’m stuck back at square one, with no funding left to do anything at all. I did well in my a-levels (2 A stars and an A), and it has genuinely all gone to waste.

I’ve looked at degree apprenticeships, hugely competitive, especially being 21 and not 18 anymore. Primarily they are tech/project management/IT/data which is certainly not my strong point.

I have no clue what I want to do with my life, I have no interests, no career goals. My only hobby was going to the gym as I have always been desperately insecure, and used it as a coping mechanism.

I am in such a rut, I feel like I have messed everything up at 21. Genuinely wish to not wake up each morning/contemplating doing something bad to myself, as I am so ashamed of myself and how I just can’t commit to anything. I have no passions, no goals, just nothing.

My parents are very ashamed of me, especially as this is round 2 of leaving.

I’m so sorry for this post, just really need some mum advice :(

What subject were you studying? What are you interests?

Giving you a hug. I have been there too. I took a bit of a break then pushed on. I scraped through and then got a job. Money helped and the people were lovely. Just value your self and all the super things you are

@SlaveToAGoldenRetriever Was studying criminology at a top RG. Stupidly messed up realising I have no interests, but then equally I don’t feel like I have an interest in anything at the moment I don’t even know

So glad it all worked out for you, I’m taking it you went back to uni?

Maybe it’s not the right time for you. You might be better working for a bit, maybe travelling a little - find out who you are and what you want out of life.
If you decide that you need / want a degree you could do it part-time or online if that suits you better.
I say this as someone who crashed and burned at uni, lived a little, studied part-time after a few years, actually enjoyed it and am now (the irony!) a university lecturer.

If you like the gym do a course in that there are always jobs in leisure centres.

Start off simple, commit to it and gather your thoughts. Stop feeling like a failure at 21!!

Stop comparing yourself to others this never ends well.

There are loads of different ways to build a career you just have to start at the bottom again and work your way up.

A lot of people struggle at uni OP, a lot drop out and/or don't finish their degree, because it's really hard to know what you want to do in life at age 18!

Plus, it sounds like you've had some serious mental health challenges (I assume that's what you mean by 'breakdown'?). So are you receiving help, support, medication and/or therapy, if you have poor MH? Because it's hard to build a career when you're not coping mentally.

As for where you are right now, I agree the PP who said you need to start working, earning some money and just give yourself some breathing space. You may or may not know what you want to do at 21 years of age, but many people don't, even if it seems like they do. I guarantee though that many will take a break, go travelling, change tack, go back to uni at a later date or retrain in some other career at some point. I just finished a second degree at age 50 and am starting again and it's not uncommon.

WRT your parents being disappointed, I get that that's stressful, but this is YOUR life and you're an adult now, so you get to make your own decisions. But you need to own your life and your decisions and find a way to make ends meet. That's what's being an adult is all about. So take charge of your life and take some positive action. Getting a degree is only one way to get started - there are others.

You've completed one year so can you use those credits in the future - maybe not now, but later on using something like Open University (yes, you would need to self fund) - that way it's not lost to you.

So you did criminology - would the police interest you or working in the prison service or probation - all need people at the moment.

If you're not ready for that how about becoming a special constable?

Maybe a short life guarding course (not too expensive) - this usually provides lots of opportunities both in this country and if you wanted to travel/do volunteering like Camp America.

If that's all too much is there anything part time in your area that you could do just to get some money/experience?

I think there are more people stumbling through life trying to find jobs they can tolerated than those who know what they are going to do and then do it consistently throughout their life. Others take years to figure it out.

Keep going to the gym. It will help you physically, mentally and socially. See if there are any jobs going there, even if it's just a few hours to start with.

Seek out help for your mental health - GP, https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/mental-health-support/ts/mental-health-support/

In the words of Desiderata/Max Ehrrman 'Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.....With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Sympathies, you are feeling very down at the moment, but as others have said, there are many, many ways forward for you. Maybe your future will involve a return to studying, and maybe it won't.

Very few people know clearly at age 21 what it is that they want to do with the rest of their lives. Most people start off in one direction then find themselves doing something else, and many people change direction entirely more than once. There is no need to have 'career goals'. It's quite helpful to have a sense of what you'd like to do over the next year or two, in loose terms, even if that is just 'do a bit of travelling/ learn to cook/ get a job to live on for now'.

Step one is to start doing something that gives you some independence , some structure, and will begin to boost your self esteem. This is a good time of year to be looking for hospitality jobs. As a pp said, perhaps there's a role for you in a gym. This is just to get yourself out of the house, have some income, and feel that you are doing something while you figure out next steps.

You are obviously very bright with those amazing a level results, and you will find a way to make use of that intelligence. Your universities will have advice services for jobs and careers and I am confident that you will still be entitled to access them regardless of not completing the course. The resources will include quizzes and prompts to help you analyse what you might enjoy and what you might be good at. The kinds of questions to figure out would be around your strengths and weaknesses, and what kinds of skills you would benefit from acquiring. If you don't know yet, then the answer is to start working and trying things out, so that you develop insight in to yourself as well as experiences that will help you to decide the next step, and so on.

You don't need to post about it here, but I am wondering what went wrong at uni and whether there is any possibility that you might be neurodiverse? There is a typical pattern for intelligent boys and girls who get through school, perhaps finding life a bit more tricky in sixth form but still getting the grades, then they go to pieces at uni because they can't manage to organise or motivate themselves for independent study. If this sounds possible you could have a look at some resources for inattentive ADHD (or ADD) to see whether it rings any bells. Even if you don't think a diagnosis would be relevant, the resources about managing your time could be of interest anyway.

Good luck - it will all work out - but as others have said, time to make a start on something, and take it from there.

@MadameBethune
Hi, thank you for this, yes a few people have suggested previously about the ADD/ADHD diagnosis, especially with my flitting about and uncertainty initially about university & my course.

Any choice you make doesn't have to be forever.
Take the pressure off on that front.
Working life is longer than ever and there is time for multiple careers.

University isn't for everyone and working that out for you doesn't make you a failure at all.

Have you seen your GP regarding feeling low? It may not be the circumstances causing depression but depression creating the circumstances. Your GP maybe able to help break that cycle.

A lot of the careers that criminology route into are still available to you without a degree.
policing, probation, support work, counselling.

Did you finish year 2 successfully? And have you logged that you left on grounds of ill health? These could make a difference to your funding options.