IB: how has it been for your very able but anxious perfectionists?

[danesch]

Hi,
DD deciding between IB and A Levels at the moment. She is a very able all rounder (solid 9s and 8s in first Y11 mocks). She works hard, but is prone to procrastinating and a bit of a perfectionist. She's also quite anxious.

Benefits of IB would be that she could keep studying a language and Maths, both of which she loves and don't fit into her current plans for 3/4 A Levels. IB cohort at college is a smallish group of 50/60 students and I think that would suit her socially.

My elder DD did the IB and loved it, but she was more organised and pragmatic. I'm concerned about how DD would handle the varied workload and amount of coursework, so it'd be good to hear any experiences.

If she did A Levels, it would be a with an Arts/Humanities focus. Long term goal is currently Classics/History at University - she's likely to apply to Oxbridge/UCL etc.

not related by everything you are saying about your daughter sounds identical to my daughter. Turns out these are all pointers to undiagnosed ADHD in girls (who knew?!) which is why so many women get diagnosed in their thirties rather than as kids (expert maskers)

I know someone will be in touch to say that we have to diagnose EVERYONE these days but it’s helped me and my daughter so much to work out what was at the root of anxiety that I would rather say than not.

Please Choose to ignore if you think I’m a crank but it’s been life changing for my daughter.

My DD is able and a perfectionist but was fairly disorganised, due mainly to being a perfectionist and worrying about everything not being just so. It was a struggle initially, she was behind in a most of her IAs, but by the second year had got a bit more organised and lowered her standards slightly so she could get stuff done more or less on time. She had a great pastoral lead who helped her manage her anxiety and she also saw she was getting 6s and 7s for work she deemed less than perfect, so relaxed a bit.

It’s all been worth it, she’s now at university studying a full on STEM subject, is ahead of a lot of her fellow students in terms of organising herself, and she found the first year quite easy after the intensity of IB study

Thank you both. That's exactly the kind of reassuring story I was hoping to hear @Melassa. Sounds like your daughter is thriving now!

@Tiredalwaystired I was going to mention possible neurodiversity in my OP! I strongly suspect DD is autistic or ADHD. I've discussed it with her and she agrees it may well fit, but she isn't interested in a diagnosis or in really exploring it for herself at the moment. I hope she'll come round to it in future, and I try to support her with strategies which help neurodiverse women/girls (I know a fair bit about it through my work). I'd be interested in anything you and your daughter have found particularly helpful.

Oh I’m so glad you took it in the spirit it was meant!

The main thing is that it actually improved my own parenting as I’m much more patient now and we work together more rather than clash.

I found how I frame things helps - so rather than demands like “come on we’re late!” Which sets her in a tizz, I just say I’ll be in the car in five mins, do you need any help with anything” and she still gets the urgency but doesn’t feel pressurised.

We’ve had to do a lot of work to stop her comparing herself with others, especially as she has a VERY high performing older sibling which is hard enough when yo aren’t a perfectionist! That’s a work in progress…

PS my eldest is a classics kid too!

We have the super-high-achieving elder sibling too! (Happily on a very different path now, so hopefully they will compare a bit less.)
Good to hear that altering your approach has helped. I'm trying low pressure, declarative language etc but it's one thing knowing what you should do and quite another doing it in the moment!

I hear you!

I know it doesn’t answer your original question but sending sooo much solidarity.

You might find this thread interesting:

IB (UK) - was it the right choice for DC to get to Uni or did it make it more difficult www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/4995897-ib-uk-was-it-the-right-choice-for-dc-to-get-to-uni-or-did-it-make-it-more-difficult