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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

How can I motivate my DS year 13?

8 replies

MotivatingMumx · 16/09/2024 17:25

He's got no interest in anything beyond tonight or this week. Doesn't plan ahead. Enjoys himself and takes life easy. He can't see the need to decide on a course of action. Uni or apprenticeship, he doesn't know what he fancies. But that's fine. He can change his mind if he decided on uni but then doesn't want to go. It's the here and now I'm
Struggling with. I could weep at his lack of motivation to study. He's never liked it but is very capable. He scraped 5s and 6s in GCSEs and whilst he's enjoying college , he isn't doing more than the bare minimum of work. No revision. No reading. Nothing. Just sits on his phone or wants to see his friends, some of whom are working in school leaver apprenticeships and not academically focused and with free evenings and weekends. I've just said to him I want him to have the best and told him i wish he could be more motivated. He rolled his eyes and grunted. Do I just let him find his own way? If he wasn't academically gifted I'd be more keen to find something else with him but I know he's capable and intelligent, just incredibly slack at studying. Can I do anything ? We are going to open days and I'm hoping student life will cheer him up but what if it doesn't ? He doesn't want to work his part time job so won't be keen on 9-5 as soon as he leaves college. It's so hard wanting the best life possible for them while wanting their happiness too. Hes not practical so a trade isn't for him either. (I've asked. He was horrified at the thought of learning something like that). Anyone had similar. Do I just need to back off? I'm really not pushy at all and tend to let him get on with it but feel he needs a steer now.

OP posts:
Channellingsophistication · 21/09/2024 17:05

I don’t know the answer, but in the same situation with my DS if its any consolation. He didnt get his predicted grades at GCSE he got mostly high 4’s instead of predicted 5/6s so no A levels for him and wasnt able to stay at his school where he was very happy. He’s having to retake English language as he was one mark away from a pass, however he’s not that interested in revising - his idea of revising is looking at one of the books.

He knows and says he understands importance of studying to give himself the best chance in life, but when it comes to it, he can’t be bothered to put the work in.

I just don’t know what to do to encourage him.

poppyzbrite4 · 21/09/2024 17:11

Sit down with him and say that since he's nearly an adult, you'd like to know what his plans are. You'll help him choose a university course, if that's what he wants to do but he either works or studies full time as he's to start paying towards his keep.

Lavenderflower · 21/09/2024 17:16

If he is not the studious type, he may not be ready for university yet.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 21/09/2024 17:20

If he scraped 5s and 6s is academic study and university the direction he will be happy to go in? A levels are a lot of hard work even if you have higher grades and are working hard. He might just about be able to get onto a different course and repeat yr12. What is his passion? What does he enjoy? It doesn't have to be a physical trade, photography, health and social care, driving, lots of other possible careers.

noblegiraffe · 21/09/2024 17:25

Are you going to let him continue living at home rent free if he is not studying? I’d suggest it be made clear to him that he will be paying his own way from 18 if not at uni, so he should start investigating how much things cost (including rent) and what sort of job he will need to fund his adult life.

TeenToTwenties · 22/09/2024 07:39

If he didn't work for GCSEs and scraped 5s and 6s, why did you think things would be any better at college doing, I presume, A levels?
If he is equally not working now, I would work on a presumption of him getting a job post college.

RampantIvy · 22/09/2024 07:48

I agree that he doesn't sound like university material right now.

He has to be self motivated to study at university or he will just bomb. No-one chases you for work or reminds you about deadlines. The onus is on the student to read their emails every day and keep on top of their work.

I don't know the answer, but it needs to be made clear that there are only two options - study or get a job.

TwigTheWonderKid · 22/09/2024 07:53

He needs to figure this out himself, no matter how painful it is for you.

Although taking him to uni open days is a good shout and that's what made my DS pull his finger out at a level.

They really have to find their own way or you are effectively just kicking the can down the road. If you drag him through his A levels and he gets to uni then how is he going cope there?

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