Help - really distressed year 12

[Stopsnowing]

DD has just started a new sixth form and is bitterly regretting it.
she has always struggled with change and takes a long time to selttle and had mental health issues a couple of years ago.
however the new school has worse results than her old school. We had thought that with hard work this would not matter but she is worried because she says the level of engagement from her fellow students is low and the teaching basic.
the school and the whole world has said how intense the uni application process is and how early all the deadlines are so it feels like there simply isn’t time for her to adjust or settle (it takes her months)
on the one hand I think she should develop some resilience but she is weeping every day, looks absolutely wiped out and says she wants to leave school altogether (never had an issue there before) she is very anxious and I am worried she may start self harming again.

did anyone else’s child go back to their old school in year 12 and how long did you leave it? She wants to go back now and is so distressed. Ideally I would want her to give it a few weeks but she is not in th right frame of mind to give it a proper go and obviously the longer she leaves it, the more she would have to catch up on which would in itself be more stressful

it seems that sixth form is much more intense and unis much more competitive than when I was there.

does she need to apply to uni with everyone else? Could she plan now to take a year out, apply at least a year later and be older, more mature, a bit more stoic hopefully with some better strategies for managing her mental health and the everyday rough and tumble of life? Maybe taking that pressure of her might help

i certainly think she would benefit from a gap year. However the uni application process will still be going on around her at school and she will still worry that she won’t get the grades at her new school she could have got at her old school.

Why did she decide to move schools in the first place - if there was a reason to leave the original school is that still valid?

Quickly switch her back to the old school. You have until sept 24th or something. There’s a lot of shifting initially eatly 6th form as pupils realise they’ve a mistake. Remember a talk saying it’s fine to switch before this date.

We have a boys and girls school both woth mixed 6th forms and it’s pretty common for girls to go to the boys school realise they can’t cope with it and flip back to the girls school.

the new school offered four a levels and at the time of applying to sixth form she was so undecided on subject choice. it seemed like a good idea. Unfortunately she has now decided she definitely doesn’t want to do a fourth a level and she is already overwhelmed with the work load. She also thought a larger school would be more interesting but she just feels lost in a very large school.

There is a lot of movement in the first weeks.

Ex-teacher and it's really really common.

Get in touch with her old school asap and move her. The earlier the better but it happens right up to Christmas.

Btw, hard work cannot generally compensate for a school with worse results as these are generally due to a bad environment and not great teaching.

Four a levels is generally only recommended these days if two of them are maths and further maths and even then it's only really recommended for the kind of kid that is already on the British maths Olympiad team.

There's a lot more content than there used to be in a levels. Lots of bright kids think "oh, GCSEs were easy I can cope with 4 a levels" and it's a step change up in terms of work
Just for 3.

Thanks. She went from a girls school to a mixed school and she is not enjoying it at all. They are both independent schools so I don’t know if a sept 24 deadline makes any difference. The financial impact of the change would be huge on me but for now I am trying not to factor that into the decision making and focus on what is best for her. I have never seen her so unhappy.

Indy schools will not have a Sept 24 deadline as state funding doesn't apply.

Not sure how arsey the new one will be about notice periods though.

What are the four she chose? What's she dropped?

Some a levels (and maths is a classic for this) do go in quite hard to make sure that the kids who can't cope drop out early enough to move to another a level.

Presumably you would
Be paying for a term plus a terms notice at the new one and the old one if she switched back which would be, erm, expensive.

This is interesting and mirrors what she is telling me. The school makes everyone do four a levels for a year then they get a qualification and can drop it for the second year. But she tells me that a lot of the kids are just not engaging in the subjects (and this is probably because they know they are going to drop them) She says the level of class discussion is really low.

I hear you on the fees.

She is doing humanities. The school expect them to do four a levels for a year and I haven’t asked them about dropping one yet given what she is saying about wanting to switch schools.

Four a levels is insane sorry. Not even the really bright ones do that here. You only need 3 and risk getting lower grades in those if you are spread too thinly. Never understood why teens are advised to do this. Dd1 just out the other side can’t believe how hard she worked for her 3 a levels 4 would have pushed her over the edge. Can’t comment on private schools but the fact the state system anticipates pupils shifting at the start of term tells you it’s pretty common,

We were advised that unless there’s a definite reason to move it’s better to stay put. The a level course is only 18 months and is very intense so dealing with a new system plus a levels is a lot to deal with for some.

Maybe her standards are too high she’s only been there a few weeks hence the class discussion thing they havent come out of themselves yet. Dd said it took a term for her eng lit class to engage properly.

Yes it all seems very intense and hardly any time before they get their predicted grades!

I would move her, there is a lot of movement in the first few weeks. However I would think that there will be fee implications.
Regarding uni I wouldn't worry about it at the moment, the jump between GCSE and A levels is enough to concentrate on at the moment.
When the time comes at the beginning of Y13, I encourage students to apply, so much can change over the year and at least by applying you have the option of your first choice etc rather than not apply and change your mind to go to uni and have to apply late, go through clearing.
On results day she then has the choice to go / not go to uni, seek employment/apprenticeship, defer or have a gap year.

My daughter has just started the 6th form at her old school and she’s loving it. She had wanted to go to a 6th form in a city 25 miles away but I said no as her current school has an outstanding OFSTED, her elder brother did well there, and I couldn’t justify the extra cost of going somewhere 25 miles away. She is a quiet girl and we had some issues with her when she started primary school (wouldn’t speak at school and we thought she had selective mutism) so I felt it was best for her to go somewhere familiar where she knew the place, had established friends and knew the staff. She’s doing 4 A-levels but I’m expecting her dropping one, as her brother did and most of his friends did. The only two boys who carried on with 4 A-levels were very, very studious and came out with 9’s across the board for GCSE’s and top grades at A-level. Both are now at Cambridge studying medicine.

I’d move her back to her old school now, and not wait. She’s clearly very unhappy where she is now. A gap year is great - my son took a gap year. He worked and did a bit of travelling. Really matured!

My dc1, who performed very highly in STEM subjects, moved to s STEM specialist school for 6th form equivalent (not in UK) and went back to his old school within a month. The place didn't live up to its hype at all in his view and he was just unhappy. No regrets - he got the top possible final grade in his leaving qualification.

I do think giving something a go, realising it's not working and acting on that realisation is a good life lesson and a good immunisation against the sunk costs fallacy (although unfortunate in terms of actual financial costs for you - but maybe the one or other school will show some flexibility).

Thanks everyone for the replies. It seems pretty unanimous for her to return to old school and not stick it out. I really appreciate all the posts.