DD (year 13) wants to repeat year 12 due to anxiety

[Fretfulagain]

She says she was unwell last year and focus was on recovering (true) and she doesn't feel ready for year 13. Is it an option to repeat year 12? Academically she is on track but she wants to 'consolidate' so she can achieve her potential grades with enthusiasm and less stress.
She has generalised anxiety, has had cbt (12 sessions via CAMHS after a long wait) and is on prozac. She is ND, which we only found out when she burned out half-way through gcse exams and became very ill. It took a while to get her assessed and treated. She is much better and I want her to stay well (obviously). My question is what adjustments are possible? she is talking about repeating year 12 or doing the rest of the year online (says she finds going to school hard and would still see her friends).
A levels are daunting and after she crashed and burned in gcses I can see they must be terrifying. She is keen to go to university.
Any wisdom, advice or experience to share? Thank you!

I’m sorry about all of this. She can do dull
time education at school until 19. So ask.

I would say going to school is best. Friends might not hang around if they don’t see her. However she won’t be in lessons with them if she repeats y12.

Are you really certain uni is the best thing for her? Do you have one nearby? Going away seems full of angst to me. The rhetoric not meeting reality I think. It’s going to be difficult negotiating time off from uni and repeating years. I appreciate you might not want to hear this, but I’d get through what she can and re-evaluate.

What strikes me here more than anything is that if she was academically on track last year why would she re-do it?

If she is ND, both my kids are so I have some experience of this and also have a son who has just started year 13, then is she focusing too much on perfection and would encouraging this mean that her anxiety levels will increase?

Have you spoken to the SENCo at the 6th form to see what help can be given?

I'm not anti home education route at all, my DC was at home for his entire secondary education and this hasn't held him back. I would just worry that repeating a year in these circumstances would make anxiety worse not better. Obviously it would be different if she hadn't acheived in year 12

to you and DD though, navigating this things is very hard.

Thanks for your replies. I have emailed the school and asked for a meeting to discuss options/reasonable adjustments.

The 'perfection' thing is completely right. That is exactly what it is. That and the fact that she hit a crisis half-way through GCSE exams and couldn't complete them (long story, she got graded as she managed to meet the minimum % in all subjects but she sat two or three in a truly terrible state. I feel unwell when I recall it and the prospect of going through that again makes me feel ill so god knows what it must be like for her).

And my worry is that this fear won't go away until she sits her A levels and either succeeds (in sitting the actual exams) or doesn't. Academically I think she is fine but if the anxiety kicks in and prevents her doing the exams, well, all bets are off.

If she's academically on track how would she feel about continuing with year 13 but not doing UCAS this year and taking a gap year after year 13 and applying with grades in hand? With hindsight this is what DS should have done and it takes off some of the year 13 pressure.

DS (ASD/ ADHD) ended up withdrawing from UCAS and is having a gap year and reapplying, it also allows plenty of time to set up support at university etc. Just another idea for her to consider.

Also has she got extra time and rest breaks in place for the exams?

The problem with repeating a year now when she is actually academically on track is that she can only spend 3 years in sixth form, so there is no fall back option if her mental health prevents her from doing well when she does eventually get to Y13/exams, as she will already have used her extra year of funding.

Would she consider just progressing to year 13 so that she doesn’t become isolated from her peers and you arrange some tutoring for her at home to help her achieve academically? It’s likely there there will be established friendship groups in the year below cohort which she would find difficulty breaking into.

Yes she will be able to repeat a year

Sixth form students get 3 years of funding effectively, it's not encouraged but there will be no come back as long as loads of kids in her school aren't all going back a year, then it may get looked at in more detail.

But that's not something for you or your DD to worry about at all.

She can repeat Y13 instead if she decides to continue on with it for now. And do a second set of exams.

Oh this is so difficult.

Has she seen an occupational therapist as they can help with organisation and environmental issues?

Has she seen an educational psychologist again they can help with any learning issues she might have?

My DS did GCSEs at home under invigilation and with additional time / rest breaks. He is also dyslexic. This worked well for him.

In a school setting you can ask for a separate / quiet work space.

I second what others are saying about considering removing the UCAS and factoring in a gap year, that additional stress is distracting my DS a little at the moment.

I think a full and frank discussion with school would be a very good idea, if for no other reason than to ensure adequate support is put in place for her.

However, I am also wondering if she'd be better off continuing Year 13 (especially as you admit she is on track academically) because if the crunch point comes during exams then at least she will have a year in hand to resit, if necessary. If she repeats YR12 now then that will be her three funded years used up.

If she's on track then I wouldn't support this no. When she's eventually in employment she doesn't get a do over

Actually I don't agree with @dramallamadingdongdo . Lots of kids take 3 years between GCSE and finishing college, whatever route they take for 16-19, it's not unusual. And as for the world of work, at the company I work for we do lots of work around wellbeing and put in place all kinds of support for people who are having mental health issues, and that would be standard at similar professional companies. What happened to #bekind ?

All employers will have to balance output, the ability for others to cover work if necessary and employee needs. Smaller employers won’t take risks. They don’t have the slack. I’m afraid profits are hard to come by. Obviously others are in a different boat where they don’t need to make a profit because they are charities of NFP organisations. Long way to go before work is on the horizon though.

As she’s in track I would encourage her to carry in with the option of redoing year 13 next year if she isn’t happy with her grades.

But she's not at work. She's at sixth form. And even at work, people are entitled to reasonable adjustments. Not sure the message 'life is hard, get used to it' is the most constructive approach at the moment.

I didn't know doing exams at home was an option. Can you share any more about that which might help me explore it? Not ruling anything in or out at this stage.

I'd argue that you do get a do over in employment. A level exams and university are the equivalent of a promotion, pushing for the next rung on the ladder and harder tasks. Repeating a year is the equivalent of remaining in the same job because you don't feel ready for more responsibility. Which is fine and not uncommon to do in the working world, for all manner of reasons.

Thank you for all the thoughtful and helpful replies. I hear what you say about taking UCAS out of the equation and also about having that extra year to fall back on if she needs it further down the track. That is a very good point.

I don't think she really does want to repeat a year but I suspect she is scared - and I get that. TBH, I am scared too. Not heard from sixth form yet but will call them tomorrow if I need to. I think exploring more support - and a bit more awareness/input from school at this stage. I've offered academic tutoring (to help her timetable and organise revision) and she says she doesn't need it. Academically she is on track so not sure tutors are the right thing - she needs less pressure to get good grades. She does know this and is keeping up her extra curricular activities, which is positive, but adds to the burnout risk.

I think someone to talk to each week, to help her process and let off steam or express anxiety and share (voice) her fears would be good but softly softly at this stage. She is nearly 18 and needs space to make her own decisions - albeit with our support/facilitation.

Gosh the teen years are hard. Remember when they couldn't even roll over? Bliss . . .

completely agree but you put it very well!

My son was out of school due to high anxiety from being autistic and his normal way of working was at home and CAMHS wrote in support of him being able to do exams at home for this reason.

I don't think that you would be able to have exams done at home if a child is normally in school but they may be able to get a separate room.

yes lifeturnsonadime that is a good point about usually being in school.