year 12 son too anxious to do mocks - options?

[lu9months]

hi my son has anxiety and depression. he managed to get good GCSEs due to covid allowing flexibility , and has had a great year 12, feeling well and happy. but just before mocks, he became extremely anxious about mocks and hasn't made it into exams. the school are very supportive but he doesn't feel he can do them. he is getting support from mental health services and is feeling a little better, but had hoped to go to uni to do engineering. if he doesn't get over his fear of exams, im not sure what options are open to him? even apprenticeships seem to need A levels. he will get one A level since he is doing design which is 100% assessed. are there any options/courses for kids who are very bright but cant do exams? he says he could do them at home but not at school, (even in a separate room) but thats not really an option. thank you

Anxiety is such a horrible debilitating condition. Has he actually been diagnosed and is he on medication? if not, that would be my first port of call.

Genuine answer:

Anxiety is horrible! I should know, I have it!

But also: you need to get him to a place where he can take regular exams! Use the help of any services - publicly provided or privately paid for - if you must!

Why I'm saying this: corporate executive here! In a nutshell: I don't have enough jobs to meet the needs of all those current graduate hires who will "do anything - just as long as they never have to interact with either clients or bosses". I also don't have enough candidates for work I do have and that I have sold.

In all fairness, "hiding away and avoiding anyone who might potentially have an opinion" is just seriously not that much of a market!

Again, I get anxiety! I can fret for half a day before I manage to call a key client contact on the phone. But, and here is the key difference: I eventually WILL do it!

You could research I think they are called degree access courses. Not sure if there’s one in his field or if they themselves include exams, but they are an alternative route to A levels in order to
access a degree. Of course as far as I know degree courses also require exams.

I think you need to look at building his resilience. He really can't go through life just avoiding doing anything that makes him feel anxious. It's no way to live. I speak as someone with a DC who has serious MH problems.

You could look at cognitive behavioural therapy perhaps or other types of counselling - but it's not helpful to decide at 17 I'm never going to be able to cope with sitting a public exam - so I'll look for ways to avoid doing anything I don't want to.

That might sound harsh, but employers don't really care about people with anxiety or other issues. They have business needs and want someone who is able to fulfil them.

Does he understand that it's perfectly normal to be anxious about exams op? Unfortunately @MadMadMadamMim is right and it's about finding some strategies that will allow him to feel the fear and do it anyway.

What does he suggest as a solution to this? Why does he not feel able to do them in a separate room at school? We’ve had that in place for a number of our students this year and it’s worked very well.

A really good point. Every single student I teach is anxious about exams. No one is just swanning into the exam hall thinking “I’ve got this”. But they are doing them. The bottom line is, if your son can’t work out a strategy for doing the same, then his options are to look for career paths/further education opportunities that don’t require A Levels. There will be lots out there - he’ll just need to get stuck into the research and plot an alternative route for himself.

He needs to deal woth it one way or another because the real world wont give him get outs. He has to tackle it head on Im afraid. If he doesn't manage to do them, then hes going to have to deal with the fall out which will be considerably worse. The job centre is not a fun place.

@lu9months Just wanted to say that just because he can't do mocks now, doesn't mean that in a year's time he won't be well enough to sit the real things.

iirc Your DS is running a bit behind my DD in terms of illness and treatment. My DD is so much better now than she was this time last year. She still has a long way to go but compared to 1 year ago or worse 18 months ago she is very changed for the better.

Oh and sitting them at home with an invigilator should I think be an option if there is enough willpower from the people in power. Definitely worth doing more research on.

Have school suggested rest breaks? A number of kids at DS's school get them so they can take time out to calm down during the exam without losing time.

Can’t he have reasonable adjustments for exams due to his condition? I’ve heard of pupils sitting in rooms alone to do exams due to anxiety.

It is totally normal to feel anxious and nervous about taking exams. However the longer he goes without actually sitting one, the worse he is going to build it up in his mind into some terrible terrifying experience. As part of my job I spend a huge amount of time supporting students in being able to take their exams. You need to speak to your exams officer and SENCO asap to put some plans in place, such as small rooms, rest breaks etc.

I'd just like to point out that this is (almost certainly) not just 'being anxious and nervous' about exams. Diagnosed anxiety & depression compared with 'a bit anxious and sad' is like having a broken leg rather than a sore toe.

Diagnosed anxiety can be debilitating.

It can. But avoidance is often the worst thing you can do for diagnosed anxiety too.

I agree red it is a very fine line. If you do less you shrink your circle, but if pushed to do too much that can be counterproductive too.

Speak to the Exams Officer and also, get him to do them at home under your supervision so that he can progress to Yr 13. There are instances in which your home can be designated an exam centre for public exams, according to the JCQ regulations and he can do them there next year - but it has to be sorted out more than three months in advance and would require a lot of medical evidence. As PPs have said, Exam Access Arrangements (EAAs) can also be made for separate rooms, rest-breaks and small rooms but only with careful liaison with school and medical evidence.

Hi OP I also have a DS in year 12, they are re-sitting mocks next week due and also similar to your DS.

My DS gets extra time in exams due to writing speed, is struggling to finish the questions still. I'm wondering if he might have been better doing a BTEC where it is less exams based and more coursework.

Would your DS consider changing to a BTEC perhaps. There are also degrees which are more coursework based than exams.

Another thing- this cohort didn't do proper GCSE's so it may be that this is the first lot of proper exams he has had.

Maybe he could sit his mocks at the same time as others are re-sitting (if any are) It could be that due to the situation with the GCSEs they are seeming more stressful

Also what about doing some past papers at home under exam conditions to get used to it

See if he will visit the GP. He can sit exams at home but this will need medical evidence. Start talking to the exams officer now.

Yes, and no:

Again, be me, your sympathetic but otherwise bog standard corporate executive!

What shall I tell my clients? "Well, X is brilliant, they're just too afraid of you to face you directly (from what I am being told, that is, they're too afraid to face me, too!)"? "X has successfully navigated the horror that is a graduate accessment process, so we hold out great hopes for X!"?

Look, I hate to be Debbie Downer, but: I'm currently the boss of the boss of several youngsters who can't stomach a (relatively junior, at that) client. My call, every single time, has been "then get the hell rid of them! I still spend a sleeplessness night ahead of every actually important meeting - because I'm anxious, too - but: I WILL EVENTUALLY DO IT! Because that's what I'm being paid to do!"

I'm not unempathetic - but if you're going to be so complicated that the standard job requirements cannot be asked of you then you might, just might, not have any business being in the job!

I will spend hours upon hours gently coaching you, trying to teach you, attempting to remove your fear. But there is only so much I can do. I'm a corporate executive, not a trained psychotherapist!

He can sit his exams at home but his school will need to support this ( I am an invigilator and we have 3 students out of 400 doing it this year….)

OK - so if we go with the broken leg analogy…

The OP says: are there any options/courses for kids who are very bright but cant do exams?

So what if I wanted to know: are there any options for kids who can run very fast but, because they have a broken leg, can’t compete in races? The answer is - no, not until the leg has recovered and the child is physically fit again. So if the OP’s DS is not fit enough to do exams at the moment, they need to be taken off the table until he has properly recovered and can cope with them. Because what is the point of finding a workaround which doesn’t help the child to address the problem but just postpones that?

My DS did all his GCSE class tests ( in 2020) at home with a volunteer invigilator sent by the school. The poor woman spent every weekday with is for almost 6 weeks !He does have an EHCP though.. For some of his tests it took about 2-3 hours to get him past his paralysing fear to actually take the test and the invigilator was very patient as I worked with him to get him to take each test

He actually also did all his mocks at home without an invigilator. This was so the teachers could at least know where he was academically. It was this experience that made them realise they needed to out in place something else for the actual assessments

Now he is at college and he takes all class tests in a separate room in the ASD unit . He has had two mock exams one was ok but one of which was very difficult for him So much so that they agreed he could come back to try it again . He did this a few days later and it almost went the same way but in the end he did it ( an hour late)

Talk to the school . Taking exams at home is probably not an options as 2020 was a very unusual year with no exams board but even if you can get him to practice taking mocks at school, he can try as many times as it takes. It is about getting him used to it not about the result of the test . Even if he can avoid the need to take them by taking 100% coursework subjects in future , it will help his confidence if he can even do one mock at school , regardless of his mark

thanks all. i think some responders are confusing 'normal' anxiety with severe Generalised Anxiety Disorder with panic attacks. hes on meds and under a mental health team but theres a long way to go. thankyou all for your thoughts though. maybe he will improve enough to do mocks in sept- the school have said he can. hes trying so hard