Thread 29 - Covid Cohort - Whirlwinds and Waiting

[OrangeCinnamonCroissant]

This is a thread for supporting all young people post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting. It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, please don't within this thread. Please also be sensitive when responding to threads about grades.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue.

Our DS/DD may go down various paths (such as employment, apprenticeships, higher ed) We have decided for anyone interested they will most likely find us within the Further Ed board.

previous thread 28

Good luck with the assessment @Oblomov22 and congrats @Cantonet.

We've looked at Swansea accommodation and it's bigger - floors with 20 rooms and 2 kitchens. DD quite keen on sharing with 6 so I think another plus for Portsmouth. I think she will go for Portsmouth once the Swansea visit is over.

Thanks, @Monkey2001. I can feel a walk up Brandon Hill coming on.

@Wheresthebeach a friend's DS at Swansea had an awful accommodation experience in one of the enormous flats - his flatmates partied into the night, throwing shot glasses out of the window and smashing the ceiling! That is not a universal experience, but he was much happier when he moved mid-year to a smaller flat, and there is a lot of nice accommodation in Swansea, both uni and private.

So, DS has got some of his mock results back and so far they are not looking good at all. I did say I was torn in wanting it to be a wake up call but we had a costa on the way home from school today and he seems so down and fed up. He says there is nothing to look forward to and the idea of three months of nothing but work is depressing. I haven't really seen him like this before and I am at a bit of a loss as to what to do.

I offered a tutor, he says no. DH can help him a fair bit and he says sitting down with him is good (I am willing to help but just don't have the knowledge on his subjects). I tried asking what he would like to do as 'nice' things and he can't think of anything apart from sport which is limited as his football team folded and he currently plays once a week socially. DH can play squash with him but that's about it.

Just feel at a loss really. DS has actually got a few things to look forward to but they are all in a couple of months and seem like a long way away to him. He is trying to plan a holiday with friends but that is on hold currently, he has a festival, a short holiday with me, a couple of trips out to London to see things planned but they don't seem to be on his radar.

He says it's a case of working all day at school, having a short break then working again in the evening in order to get an hour or two to himself.

The thing is the results he wants are very achievable if the effort is there, (I know that sounds harsh but in theory 4 As should be achievable, but really if he can get AAA that is all we and he wants). I suspect he is not very efficient in his revision/work but I have tried to make suggestions which haven't gone down that well.

Help! Any ideas of how to motivate him?

@Monkey2001 That's DD's concern. That it makes it too easy for parties to kick off, and there's no way the 'cooking for each other once a week' type of rota would work.

22 it's hard to know what to say to them, that's for sure. I'm afraid we're rewarding the bits she doesn't want to do with baked goods, and favourite meals nominated throughout the week (home cooked, not take aways). Apart from accepting that it's three months of hard work, no point in pretending otherwise. School is stressing breaks needed to avoid burn out.

I'm going to repeat something I was told today having checked the list that it is not anyone of us. It's made me very grumpy.

Talking with the Chair of sizeable charity and he was lamenting how they had failed to recruit to the post of CEO last week. Apparently one female candidate had declined her interview on the day. The reason turned out to be that she had applied as it fitted with her plan to relocate to follow her child to university but now her child had firmed a university hundreds of miles away!

I wish her child well obviously but she has just made women of a certain age look flaky. I'm prepared to be told she's just one woman but as I had spent the morning discussing how a different organisation needs to seriously improve its measly 21% of the workforce are female I am mightily annoyed.

Rant over

@doggerel Goldney is lovely. DD was very happy there in a flat of 6 I think.
It comes into its own in the summer and the grounds are beautiful.
The flats are mixed whereas her friend was in Stoke Bishop in a catered hall and it was all Girls on her floor. DD wanted to do her own cooking, as she's very independent.

Thanks @Wheresthebeach. Sadly he has said he doesn't want to be motivated by food as he is trying to get healthier again after a downturn in the amount of sport played recently. I tried telling him I'd cook nice food (which doesn't necessarily mean unhealthy) but he said no. I suggested he worked with Dad, played squash and I cooked them both a nice meal. Nope...

@EwwSprouts Relocate to follow child to uni - eek! I am dreading DS going but relocating, no that is not normal.

@EwwSprouts Well a lucky escape re the interviewee I'd say. Sounds bonkers and talk about overly invested in the child.

@22Newnames I think if he has fun stuff lined up but it's not on his radar I would resort to a planner on the wall so there's a visible reminder.

Could he start running or going to the gym with friends from his social football? Does he need a laugh with some low-brow TV? DS likes to relax with a couple of episodes of The Simpsons, South Park or the Marvel series.

DS uses Seneca (free) to revise physics as he doesn't make revision notes / cards.

Thank you @ Crazycrofter & @wheresthebeach.
@Ewwsprouts to cancel on the day is incredibly unprofessional. I reckon the charity has luckily dodged that particular bullet.
@22 I think if our kids don't do well in their exams due to a lack of work, we've got to allow them to suffer a little. It's all part of the growing up & realising in life they will need to work to get on. Licking their wounds is normal and how they learn to cope with failure will stand them in good stead for the future.

@22Newnames it's tough watching them so sad about everything. My DS is the same, he has his mocks now but has actually worked very hard. He has said all of the papers are horrendous and he's worried about how he's done. For once I'm not annoyed at him as he has worked hard.

I have tried to remind him it is a few months longer and then it will be fun again. But to them a few months feels like years. It is just so doom and gloom a the moment it is very hard to ease the DC's minds.

Thanks for the suggestions. Wall planner is a good one, we bought one a while ago and haven't done anything with it so will give it to him and suggest he puts the boring and the good stuff on there.

Sadly refuses to go to the gym, will only do team sports or things such as squash. I tried suggesting swimming with me too (at an adult lane session not a 'fun' session ). That has been declined. (I am pretty unfit so playing me at squash would not be fun for him)

So, we obediently , whirlwind like, replied to the text for a driving test booking : and now it doesn't appear to have booked it!! Grrrrr.... it's probably a ploy to get him to upgrade.

@Hopeful201 I think my DS genuinely believes he has worked pretty hard. He is used to everything just coming to him though so the complexity and amount of work involved in 4 A levels has been a bit of a shock.

I have just suggested the wall planner to him and that went down well.

How annoying @Piggywaspushed

Sorry, been so so busy at work today that I realise my post is a bit of a non sequitur form about 10 hours ago!!

Poor Ds 22New. It's hard to remember that 3 months is such a tiny amount of time in the grand scheme of things.

And sprouts, she does a disservice to all women, which is unhelpful to our feminist values.

How annoying Piggy.

@Piggywaspushed thats why we used the autobook in the end.

@22Newnames it is really hard. We motivate with telly watching together (peaky blinders), going to the gym together in the evening, random nandos, talking about our summer holiday, he goes out with his mates sometimes on sat as well when he isnt knackered from work.
We did put tutotring in for 2 subjects as well. Once he had started that (he wasnt pleased inititally) everything improved a lot. But the tutoring is to get him to the minimum level - I'm not sure I would tutor if you were already looking at A's tbh.

I agree the charity has swerved bonkers.

@Oblomov22 Exactly! You put it far more eloquently.
I hope your DS sails through what he already has planned but for interest (this is closed) westyorkshirepolice.tal.net/vx/mobile-0/appcentre-External/brand-0/candidate/so/pm/6/pl/1/opp/2650-YF346-Accounting-Technician-Apprentice-External/en-GB

@Cantonet Good to see another offer in!

@22Newnames that sounds really hard. I don't know what motivates your DS, but they really should not have to work all hours for A levels as they need a bit of "gas in the tank" for their degree studies.

I shared an email a while ago about people not necessarily achieving their best by going to super selective universities just because they can. If he is demoralised by a bumpy academic ride it may be worth keeping that unconditional from Lincoln nearer the top of the pile to take the pressure off now and also to think about a less stressful university life.

Or he could consider dropping an A level. Mental health is so much bigger than 4 A*s and a very top university. There is always the option to do a Masters later at Oxbridge or similar if he wants to prove he can; they will take a first from anywhere. A friend's son who has developed severe anxiety and suicidal thoughts makes me very aware of what really matters!

Thank you Sprouts you sweetie. I just showed him. I don't know anyone who lives in Wakefield, but he could be the first!

Thanks @Monkey2001. I don’t think he can drop an A level now without it affecting his offers. He does have other offers at AAA and AAB as well as the A*AA.

I agree about not necessarily going for the top. He originally wanted to apply to Cambridge but thankfully went off that idea.

Will see how he gets on. He still has two unis to hear from and a couple of months to make decisions. By then we’ll know more about where he is.

We don’t watch much tv together at all @ChristopherTracy but will try and suggest a couple of things. Will do much more talking about holidays!!

Whilst he is low, which is very unusual for him I am hopeful it is a temporary thing and not too serious. Will obviously be supporting him and keeping an eye on him.

Yes, sadly, I think autobook is needed.

22, the exams may be enough to spur him into action. A wallplanner is a very good idea!

@OrangeCinnamonCroissant

Thanks *@Monkey2001* and *@Shimy* we will investigate. Realistically her place at Southampton is precarious if she gets less than a B at Music A-Level (they confirmed at open days) it is worth checking with Cardiff but I'd be surprised if they don't say the same.

Firmed Southampton and Insured Cardiff today. Thank you *@Monkey2001 and @Shimy*. Although the offer was higher our thinking was;

Will only need to go to Cardiff if less than a B at Music anyway (very slim chance)

If the worst happens still a chance that Cardiff more likely to allow places to those they have already auditioned/interviewed

If the worst worst happens Sussex Music is always in clearing and they don't interview.

All unlikely scenarios, Cardiff has better performance opportunites, but I can see a resit if less than a B at Music anyhow.

Done the student finance application. There was a confusing bit when it asked for passport expiry date and a date above it that could have been DOB or pp start date (wasn't labelled) . We think is start date as the example date seemed to fit and we didn't get any error messages.

Chosen accommodation (ranked 5) have chosen a cheaper en suite about 20 mins walk from campus (Wessex Lane) first. Not the cheapest though. Next Glen Eyre (10 mins walk from campus) , Wessex Lane enhanced en suite (same price as Glen) then Mayflower (same price, newish/ modern in city centre). Luckily Dd doesn't mind a walk but as a Muso would prefer walking distance. I noticed you can apply/choose your accommodation if you insure Southampton too. They allocate after results day.

Now just for me to catch up on thread news and Dd to pass the exams!

PS. No covid here ...feeling a bit viral still