Am I being overly controling?

[tactum]

My son 17 (y13), isn't out at all in the evenings during the school week, but majors on xbox, social media. Definitely wants to go to the gym at least 3 times during the week after 6th form, has sport training and work at least once and a driving lesson. Wants to meet friends at weekends and work also which is understandable.

His 6th form have said he should be doing 3-4 hours a week per 3 subjects revision/consolidation for each subject over and above homework as he enters this crucial term - bear in mind he's never sat external exams before due to covid. He NEVER EVER does this - just the absolute bare minimum homework and says everything is fine. His teachers at EVERY parents evening mention lack of homework/effort and full of potential but unlikely to meet it as things stand. He's on track for pretty lower end grades.

I am trying to get him to put his phone and xbox controller in my room at 10.30 every night just so I know he will get a decent nights sleep, as his sister agreed to quite happily previously , but he thinks I am absolutely violating his human rights. Am I?

As he is physically so much bigger than me I can't force him to work, but at least I can reduce his distractions to sleep. Or should I just leave him to it and let him fuck it up all by himself?

ps. he actually wants to be a cid detective (without years on the beat!) or a lawyer, so lower end A levels ain't going to get him where he wants

You don't get lawyers in Britain.
Solicitors, barristers etc you do.

Even great A levels won't get him much further.
He needs to read at a good university and then get some work which usually comes about with connections.

A conveyance solicitor is more realistic of someone that goes to a lower class university and even then you need to show willing.

At university he'll spend most of his time reading.
Sciences and Law, the most time consuming subjects.

He's got a long, long road ahead of him.

You can't do anything, he'll learn the hard way.

You have my sympathy, its a really hard situation to be in. Ultimately he needs to do it for himself and to want it for himself though

I think you should arrange a meeting with his tutor or head of year & try to work together. Get him to put a back up plan in place in case he doesn't do as well. See which degrees he can get places on.

It could be worth looking at police degree apprenticeships - he could work his way up. Also he could be paid & keep up his sport by joining police teams. There's so many avenues in the police.

This is Leicestershire police but it would be same elsewhere I imagine. Entry requirements not ridiculous & good pay, benefits, progression.

www.leics.police.uk/police-forces/leicestershire-police/areas/leicestershire-force-content/careers/join-us/police-officers/new-police-officer/police-constable-degree-apprenticeship-pcda/entry-requirements/

As the DS doesn’t want to bother with being a “beat” officer, I would like to think the CID direct entry wants higher educational qualifications! However it seems attainable at a lower level entry.

As for being a lawyer (yes, they are referred to this here!) he’d better buck up his ideas. As things stand - no chance. We don’t have conveyancing solicitors here. You are a qualified solicitor - conveyancing is not a separate type of solicitor. He could be a conveyancer - that’s entirely different.

Just so he understands the position: 18,000 law grads in this country. 6000 solicitor training positions. All grads can convert to law so these are not open to just law grads. Therefore it’s competitive. Low grade A levels won’t get near anything. Therefore the police looks a better bet. You don’t have to be that wonderful to try! However he really does need to make more effort.