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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

Original poster

DS thinks he picked all wrong A levels !!! existential problems

28 replies

microbius · 01/11/2021 22:39

A bit of history and context. DS is in private secondary, on a bursary. He finished GCSEs with a good range of 9-8 and a couple of 7. We all thought he would be doing some kind of engineering - he was always obsessed with that kind of thing as a kid. He picked Maths, Physics, Art. He was very keen on having Art there. School insisted he had a 4th one, so he picked Economics.

DS broke down today crying that he doesn't know what he is interested in and what he wants to study. He says he hates the choices he made and if he would be choosing today he would choose English, RS, Psychology (and keep Art that he likes). He wants to go into therapy. He doesn't want to discuss his MH with me, but he seems to be having some existential problems. He says his MH is only partially related to A-levels

In practical educational terms, if he really decides he doesn't want to continue these subjects, what are the options? Can he leave and restart in state 6th form with a different set of subjects next year? Should he slog on? - it seems a long way - 2 years - to be doing what you hate. He says he doesn't feel strongly about any subject (depression?)

I mean, he told me in very strong terms when we were choosing A levels that he was not doing any essay-based subject! He is not sure he REALLY wants to do English or RS anyway....

He has very good friends, he is not bullied, the school is good although perhaps there is a bit of pressure. He was always considered bright, an interesting person.

What are our options? I understand it is too late to change now, and especially if you're not sure. Should I send him next year somewhere with a Ebacc? (assuming he can get in). Would a good 6th from even take him after quitting A levels midway? Can he repeat a year in the same school (I will probably need to borrow money to pay full fees then and it might not be doable or outright crazy)...

Thank you to everyone whose children went through similar experiences for your advice, whether on the forum or pm

OP posts:
Original poster
microbius · 01/11/2021 22:46

Can he drop to two A levels and do another one after 18? I know I should be talking to school but I don't want to jump the gun

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 01/11/2021 22:46

No comparable experience, but I'm sure he would be able to start again next year in a state sixth form college. My friend's dd repeated year 12 due to mental health problems and it turned out to be the best thing for her.

I'd be cautious though about him packing it in immediately. Can you get him some counselling first while he carries on for a bit longer so that he can delay the decision? Or is he desperate to quit right now? How is he doing with his current subjects? Has he said why he hates his subjects now? It's quite a jump from gcse to a-level, I wonder if he has maybe lost confidence a bit?

Tbh it sounds like there are other bigger issues going on for him, and his wellbeing is really the most important thing. If you can try to get appropriate support for him, maybe the other stuff will fall into place? Does the school have a counsellor that he could talk to?

Original poster
microbius · 01/11/2021 22:48

I probably also need to add that we are not originally from the UK and I raised him a sole parent. Somehow I feel this whole situation can be my fault? Although I don't think I pushed him too much; he was never showing as a humanities type person, was always into his lego/cars/drones/cars etc

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Original poster
microbius · 01/11/2021 22:51

@AlexaShutUp Thanks very much for your response. I agree, it does feel like bigger issues. His performance in first half term wasn't great in Physics and Maths, but he says in his group his marks were average (many people finding it hard? He doesn't say it is a jump, that he was depressed from before GCSEs. Maybe you are right and it is more mental health than anything. It is a relief to know there are options and he can re-do year 12 elsewhere if needed

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AlexaShutUp · 01/11/2021 22:51

I'm sure it's not your fault! Mental health struggles are not at all uncommon for this age group. All the more so, maybe, in a school that is quite high pressure.

Don't blame yourself, just try to get the right support for him. It's virtually impossible through the NHS as waiting lists are too long, so if you can access stuff through the school or privately, then do that. It's really positive that he wants to talk to someone. That means that he is proactive about wanting to address whatever issues he is struggling with. That's half the battle!!

Bebabelouba · 01/11/2021 22:53

I don't think those a level choices would exclude a 'therapy' type degree ( assuming he's thinking a psychology pathway)
It could be useful to look at degree courses in the sorts of things he is interested in just to see what the entry requirements are.
Would he consider volunteering somewhere to get some experience working with people?
Tbh it sounds like he's overwhelmed and panicky. I wonder if reassuring him that the world's his oyster will help?

Original poster
microbius · 01/11/2021 22:54

You are right, and it is a change. If he was feeling this way for months, to open up and ask for support

OP posts:
Original poster
microbius · 01/11/2021 22:56

@Bebabelouba the problem is he says he doesn't feel passionate about anything (my comment: he just built a racing bike from scratch) and he doesn't know what he wants to study.
I am sure he can do a variety of degrees with these A levels, unless he fails them which is a possibility

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 01/11/2021 22:57

@microbius

You are right, and it is a change. If he was feeling this way for months, to open up and ask for support
Yes, asking for support is a big step and takes courage. It also reflects the strength of his relationship with you that he feels able to tell you that he needs help. A lot of young people deal with their challenges in ways that are much more destructive.

He clearly trusts you to help him access the support that he needs. That's huge.

Bebabelouba · 01/11/2021 22:57

Sorry just reread post.
I'm expect college help with pastoral care, if not contact your GP for local services ( doesn't just have to be CAMHS).
I think we make it very hard for our young people having to make relatively big decisions at such a young age.

Lovesicecreams · 01/11/2021 22:58

My dbro picked the wrong a levels and started again from scratch. Redoing lower sixth at the same school.

This was over twenty years ago so not sure if it’s as easy now, but what I would say is that at the time Dbro worried himself sick literally and there was so much drama and stressful convos.

Twenty years on the new a levels were a roaring success, dbro made friends in the year below and no one has EVER asked at interview about it all. Dbro has a good degree and a job he loves

I hope for easier days for ds and you soon Flowers

Rummikub · 01/11/2021 22:58

Talk to school and discuss dropping the 4th A level. It’s not required.
See if this helps with pressure till Christmas. Is there any support offered by the school re mental health?
If this isn’t an option then yes he can drop out and consider eg apprenticeships. There are some amazing ones.
This time out may help him reset what he wants.
If he decides he would like to return to education then he can begin again at a college or sixth form college.
If he waits till he’s 19 he can opt for an Access course and progress to uni that way.

I feel sorry for current first year A level students as they have had those education seriously disrupted.
If you can afford private counselling then it’s worth pursuing.

Bebabelouba · 01/11/2021 22:58

I think it's ok to not feel passionate about anything when you are 16/17. There is still a great deal to discover!
Look after you too.

Original poster
microbius · 01/11/2021 22:59

Again, you are right, this is very positive.

OP posts:
SusieSusieSoo · 01/11/2021 23:00

Op it is an enormous jump from gcse to A level. Might feel different once he's more established on these courses. Could he sit it out a bit longer & see how he feels then?

PookieNoodlinPearlyGates · 01/11/2021 23:01

It’s never too late to change, just means he might not follow the traditional path. My friend did humanities and art and then decided they wanted to be a doctor. So they did an access course to get into med school, now they are a consultant. So it’s always possible to change track.

Original poster
microbius · 01/11/2021 23:02

Was responding to AlexaShutUp but many posts arrived before it was posted

OP posts:
Original poster
microbius · 01/11/2021 23:05

Thanks everyone, it's very reassuring to know about all the options; it seems they might be all available: repeating a year in the same school, going to a different school to repeat a year, waiting until 19. I am not sure about apprenticeships - I think they are like golden dust these days! And very unlikely if you are not passionate about anything. I didn't know about ACCESS courses at all

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maddy68 · 01/11/2021 23:07

Ok breathe.
He's still young. If he feels he's made the wrong choices. Get him to finish the year so he has as under his belt then repeat yr 12. Start again but doing fewer subjects and ones he really likes.

Rummikub · 01/11/2021 23:11

I wouldn’t advise continuing tbh if it makes him miserable and adversely affects mental health.
See choosing an apprenticeship as a year or two out. It may lead to something it may not. But that’s ok.
Whilst he’s on it he will hopefully get some ideas as to what he does and doesn’t want.
Maybe try looking engineering options first.

Original poster
microbius · 01/11/2021 23:16

@Rummikub

I wouldn’t advise continuing tbh if it makes him miserable and adversely affects mental health. See choosing an apprenticeship as a year or two out. It may lead to something it may not. But that’s ok. Whilst he’s on it he will hopefully get some ideas as to what he does and doesn’t want. Maybe try looking engineering options first.
I asked him if he wants to drop out and study different subjects at home, for instance, but he was terrified of the idea. I think he likes his friends at school and doesn't want drastic change either if it makes sense? He doesn't want the stress of changing schools, which I immediately suggested. As someone said upthread, I might be panicking. He might be unhappy but not THAT unhappy?? Are there different types of depression?
OP posts:
Rummikub · 01/11/2021 23:22

Ok first step speak to school. There’s lots of options for him.
He could drop the 4th subject and swap it for EPQ. He could base his essay on one of his new found interests.
Does the school offer BTEC?
Do they have a careers adviser that can help him research his options?
And contact a counsellor.

I know it’s stressful but it’ll work out.
First year A levels is a big jump esp in maths/ physics. Add that to the lockdown education he will have had in year 10/11 and I’m not surprised it’s challenging.
It’s ok to not know what he wants to do in the future. Right now just look at options.

Winestopsthewhine · 04/11/2021 16:25

Hardly any schools do AS nowadays so completing the year for that reason is unlikely to be of benefit.
Schools insisting on 4 are doing their students no favours in my opinion. I would allow him to drop the least favourite and see how he is in a few months. Dropping from 4 to 3 will allow him more free time and more time to study in school.
As a pp said he could do an EPQ in something RS/philosophical if he wanted to see how he feels about that more. English lit is a pretty full-on A level. DD who did that definitely did more work (at home etc) than her maths/physics friends...

YukoandHiro · 04/11/2021 16:28

This is interesting as I know someone who went through exactly this, then switched to all arts/lit a levels. Did ok, but not well. Ended up dropping out of uni as they picked history which didn't suit them at all. They resat all science/maths a levels in one year at college and ended up becoming a doctor, but obviously quite a bit later on as this all took a few years to work through.
Therapy sounds like a good idea. Could you perhaps meet his teachers and talk about his true academic strengths as well as his interests. A balance between the two will lead to a career that truly rewards. Sometimes we enjoy things that really aren't our aptitude

MarchingFrogs · 06/11/2021 07:53

DD (left school in 2019) seems to have quite a few friends who, for various reasons, started again with a second go at Yr12, some moving schools to do so - although in one case, at least, this involved moving back to the original school from somewhere which in itself had been an early autumn term transfer from a third institution.

One potential issue with staying on at the same school to start again, unfortunately, is the possibility that 'friends' may turn out to be less keen to hang out with someone now officially in a lower year group. A pretty immature attitude to take, but not unknown, sadly. Another thing to consider is whether the school would be willing to continue the bursary for an extra year?

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