Taking phone off Y13 ds?

[SerenityFlowers]

Ds not where he needs to be with A level grades. Half-heartedly does some work but clearly not enough. Always has phone with him whilst 'studying'. Can't or won't self-regulate by putting phone in a different room.

At that age, is it ridiculous to take it off him which would cause a lot of arguments and bad feeling? Or should I just leave him to fail?

Yeah it's ridiculous to remove their phone at that age IMO. They need to take responsibility for their own education.

That is the sort of punishment you give to younger children. He is past that stage.

Advise him, warn him of the consequences with regard to his results etc., but then back off and leave him to it. He is 17. If he really doesn't pull his socks up then sometimes experience is the only teacher.

Hopefully he doesn't fail or get poor results, but if he does then you are there for him (without saying "I told you so") and there is a good chance he will be more receptive to what you are saying.

If it is 'where he needs to be', presumably this is wrt university courses?

If he can't regulate himself for this, we will crash and burn at uni, won't he?

Spell out the consequences of low grades, and leave him to it.

Yes it is ridiculous - you can encourage but at that age he’s old enough to make his own mistakes. Try looking at some resources to help him balance learning & fun.

Have had same conversations with DD. Have advised for her to leave phone in another room but there is always a reason why this isn’t doable. She is nearly 18 so have said it’s up to her to manage her time and study as that is what will be expected at Uni and my suggestions are a way to help her get into good habits. Up to her if she takes my advice or not.

Thanks for the comments. I was just starting to doubt my own judgment on this and wondering if I was being soft by not just taking his phone away. It's very true that no-one will be supervising at uni although will probably help that actually doing a completely different course there that is much more practical-based and interesting to him.

DD is nearly 18, and doing well at school.
However, she has ADHD and struggles to self regulate, so our rule for phones is that they stay downstairs at night. We have a younger DS, so the rule applied to both.
When she goes to uni, she can do what she likes!

My daughter had an app where if you didn't touch your phone for a period of time then a tree would grow??? I think someone actually planted a real tree so this definitely helped her. Maybe you could offer to look after his phone in return for some kind of treat???