Living at home during university course, please tell me the good, the bad and the ugly

[Wantocrawlintoadarkcave]

My daughter has chosen a university close to home.
Anyone experienced this? Tell me the worst please. And the best!

Any tips or ground rules to help things run smoothly? Our house doesn't currently lend itself very well to independent living.

I'm a bit worried because, whilst delightful, she has been a fairly difficult teen in terms of doing her bit at home. She leaves a trail of destruction behind her. And she's going through a phase of always knowing better bless her

Also, when things get back to normal, I know she will want lots of friends over. Don't get me wrong, in many ways I am really glad she isnt leaving home yet, but in others, I was looking forward to a bit of peace!

I personally feel that a HUGE part of 'going to university' is the chance to live independently, in a sort of supported way.
I am fully aware there are individuals who have to stay at home for one reason or another and that is completely the right decision for them, but that opportunity to live with other young people, and learn to "adult" and to take responsibility for your life is so valuable.

Indeed, I live in a City where there are more than one highly rated Universities and I know a few families where the student has chosen the home University but still moved out.
I do realise that has huge financial implications and many families won't be able to afford that.

I'm really not sure that other students will all want to 'come over' regularly - generally, they will stay in or near their accommodation to socialise.

Don't get me wrong - I did my degree in my home City and I lived at home with my parents, BUT, I was that bit older, and did a course that was packed full of mature students (many of whom were married and had dc of their own) so none of us were expecting to, or wanting to live the 'student life'.
Student life tends to work on a different time of day from 'working people life' .
I think you need to be really clear before she decides, what each of your expectations are.
Cooking, cleaning, washing, food shopping, how much she is contributing to household expenses, independence vs being part of a household, any expectations about her coming home each night or if there is a time expectation on that, etc etc.

Thank you for your detailed rep!y BackforGood I totally agree with you about the social aspects of university being almost as important a lesson as the academic studies. And normally she would move out but by coincidence we happen to live in a city where the university offers a very sought after course that she desperately wants to study.

But yes I hadn't really thought that that doesn't stop her moving out anyway I suppose. We could afford to rent somewhere for her. She has been talking about trying to save money though.

And those are good points about keeping different hours and discussing clear expectations from both sides.

She is already quite independent so it may work out that she stays at home for the first couple of terms and then moves out anyway.

Having said that, everything is so uncertain ATM , know one knows for sure what this autumn will bring, it's hard to know what to do for the best.

Thanks again though, that's given me some points with which I can open up a conversation.

I stayed at home, carried on pretty much as usual. I ate most meals with the family, got lectured by my mum about not making a mess.

I only had people from uni over once, and that was to work on a project together. My mum cooked us all a dinner and everyone was chuffed with some nice home cooked food.

Having people to your parents house when you're at uni isn't exactly cool. So I spent a lot of time hanging out with friends are their halls/house shares, sleeping on their floors after a night out. I went into uni 8-5 even on days I didn't have lectures and worked in the common areas alongside other people on my course.

Not moving away meant I kept my part time job, and didn't have rent/food costs. So I didn't touch my maintenance loan and managed to save money from my job. Which meant I came out of uni with good savings which helped me by a house.

I don't think it had a negative toll on my parents. Other than obviously still having to pay for food for me, but if I'd moved out they probably would have had to help me financially anyway.

Thank you ZZZebra it's good to have another perspective and good to hear that it worked out well for you and for your family.

My DS is at home because he has been shielding all year so hasn't had a chance to live in hall.
Academically it is fine and of course it is potentially much better financially. It's nice to have him around but he is missing a huge part of the opportunity that university brings to practice managing on your own and finding yourself socially.
He hasn't had a choice and is lucky that the opportunity to continue his studies is there. Quite a high proportion on his course live at home and among my peers lots have DC at home but unless they are very self sufficient socially it is a bit of a shame.