Kids leaving home for uni - how long to keep their bedroom the same for them...

[Isithalftermyet]

Apologies if this has been done before. We are contemplating our eldest leaving home for uni soon. We have three DCs and are lucky that they each have their own bedroom. However the eldest has the nicest room and it has an en suite, which we added for them.

Do we
a) move one of the other children into that room straight away as it is the best of the bedrooms. Eldest can stay in the other bedroom or the spare room when they come home but no sentimentality for their childhood bedroom.
b) make the eldest's bedroom into our spare room, so eldest can use it when they are at home but would be redecorated as a spare room. We could then move second child into our current spare room which also has a bathroom, although not as nice as eldest childs room.
c) leave all the rooms as they are; second eldest doesn't get an en suite as they get older but eldest room stays as it is for when they are home and it doesn't feel like we have kicked them out!

We def want to keep a spare room with a bathroom as pre-covid times we have a lot of guests coming in and out of the house and it gives them privacy (and yes, I know we are so lucky to have the option).

I guess I'm asking how important it is for uni kids returning between terms to feel that they haven't had all their stuff stripped out of the house!

My DH had his room gutted out by his parents the week he left and he had the spare room when he was back between terms and he found that a bit harsh. My room stayed the same but actually each time I returned home I found it a bit more depressing - that I had progressively changed more each time I left but my room was like in a time warp...

I'm guessing there is no real right answer! Our eldest is definitely a homey type person...

DD has her room. Which is just wear she sleeps, it's actually our spare room, but has an ensuite.
All her crap is in her own bedroom, with clothing, she studies in her own bedroom, but if she has friends round they never see her mess.

It's so unfair on the two youngest if your DD gets to keep the best room. All the posters on here seem to be ignoring their feelings, and focusing only on your DD.

In your situation, I would let DC2 have the best room. I would offer DD1 two options: you will redecorate DC2's old room to make it hers (Dd1's), so she still has her own room, just a different one. Or she can have the guest room with the en-suite, on condition that she swaps out of it when you have visitors.

My brother moved into my room the day I moved out - it would have been utterly selfish of me to keep it!

I think your DC1 should appreciate why those living at home should now get the benefit of the nicer room. I had to sleep on the sofa when I went home. Didn’t do me any harm .

How old are the other kids?

Is DC2 genuinely happy to look after the pet or is it being fosited on him? Given the pet scenario and if DC2 actually wants to be sharing a room with a spider/snake/lizard/African land snail I might suggest that it would help if they swapped.

I think it’s a discussion you need to have as a family! When I left for uni, I suggested to my youngest sister that she could move into my room, as me and my other 2 siblings all had large rooms with a nice view and she was stuck in a tiny box room beside the bathroom without a view. Which was ok when we were all at home, just tough luck being the youngest as the better rooms were already occupied by us older siblings and she never complained about it. But it would have felt really unfair to me to continue letting her stay in that room while my room was sitting empty and me only using it for holidays. She and my parents kept asking if I was sure but it seemed the only fair thing to do to me and took the sting out of me leaving for uni a bit as she really looked up to her big sister! And then I had her old room on holidays.

I never regretted it except actually more recently I had a slight moment of irritation in my early forties when I realised that everyone else still has “their” childhood bedroom when they come home and I still get put in the tiny box room next to the bathroom because of my generosity of spirit when I was 18 😂 I don’t really care though! And if we’re not all home at once like for Christmas etc, I get one of theirs!

I think it would have been different though if I hadn’t been on board with that or expecting it, I think it would be a real shock for parents not to say anything and then proceed to rip everything’s out as soon as your back is turned!

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied.

DC3 will def be happy to look after the pet - its a fluffy, long-lived kind. DC2 has no interest. DC1 would take it with them if they could... I think our options are going to be to switch before DC1 goes, so maybe this summer. Or we wait for a year(ish) as I can imagine that in the beginning DC1 will be home more and that time goes on, progressively less.

Will def make sure they have a room which is theirs with all their stuff in it - and not just a generic room. I can see how important that is. It just might be one of the smaller rooms.

I think the pet makes a change practical. I would say, 'are we going to keep things the same with rooms for now or would dc3 generously taking on pet make it practical to change things before you go?' I would give the dc the guest room too though.

I think it's important to discuss this before they go. They should have their own room with their stuff in it, but why should they keep the largest best bedroom. It is time for them to give that to another child.

My eldest is going off to do nursing so will only be home for a maximum of 7 weeks a year.
Our plan is to keep it as it is until Christmas so she feels settled. Then we'll pack her bits up (nicely) and use it for language students. We live at the coast and have lots of foreign teenagers come to learn English. The money I make from that will directly pay for her accommodation at university so she won't be sinking into debt. It seems crazy to have a double room sitting empty for 45 weeks a year. It will be available for her when she's home though.
I your shoes I'd swap their rooms so eldest always knows they have their own space to come home to but the children still at home have a nicer room.

I like the idea of changing it at the first Christmas...! Agree it is crazy to leave the best room empty, and a little unfair.

Now just need to get the DCs on board!

When ds went to uni last year I made him clear his room before he went. So we boxed up the sentimental things he wanted to keep and got rid of all the rubbish. I then repainted it and got a new bed. It is now clear enough for guests but has space for him to come back to during holidays. If younger ds had needed a bigger room we would have swapped them around.