DD 17 has lost all motivation and I don’t quite know how to handle it

[Slippersand]

DD is in year 13. Taking A level English, law, RE and welsh Baccalaureate.

She was doing ok early in the lockdown, got 2 A grades and a C grade over the summer based on teacher grading.

She has always talked about wanting to go to and she assured me that she was getting on with her application, I always ask if she needs any school books or equipment but she’s always said no and feedback from the school is that she’s doing well and keeping up.

So, university application has not now appeared and I’ve had an email from the school to remind her of the deadline. It turns out she’s having a major crisis of confidence, feels that she’s slipped behind massively due to missing loads of school due to lockdowns and having to repeatedly isolate due to positive pupils in her bubble.

She is stalling on all discussions, not sure she’s smart enough to go to university and is basically struggling with online learning, motivation and is so lacking in confidence she can’t even write about herself in her personal statement.

She’s the type of girl who loves nothing better than chilling in her bed anyway watching trash TV so this lack of effort and routine has been very easy for her to slip into.

I’ve offered to help her write her statement and pay for extra online tuition if she’d like it, I’ve told her that university isn’t the be all and that we won’t be disappointed if she decides to look for an apprenticeship or trainee position but she must do something, simply laying around al day isn’t acceptable.

She says there’s no point in going to university if it means she has to d online learning as she just doesn’t get on with it.

She stonewalls any conversation and says she’ll deal with after Christmas.

Has anyone got any advice please? I’m trying to handle the situation carefully and am trying to let her make her own decisions but want to help too.

Has the pandemic affected any of your kids like this? She was doing just fine until all this disruption, just gutted for her.

Not sure where the line has gone but she always talked about going to university to study law.

Reading up about it though law courses are very hard to get on and to be honest she just doesn’t have the passion and drive at the moment anyway.

I delayed uni for a year and stayed on in school while working part time. Why not suggest a year or two out to reevaluate her goals, what I wanted at 17-19 is very different to now at 25. Perhaps working in the ‘real word’ and earning will give her some motivation to decide her future? Also has the plus side of saving for uni

To add my job now has absolutely nothing to do with my degree and many of my friends are in the same boat. Law is hard and getting a job after is even harder. My best friend did the same
And
Has only just found her feet at work, 4 years later. Perhaps some time out yo ease the pressure would help

Hi @Slippersand how is your daughter now ?

There are only a couple of months left. I'd tell her to forget uni for now, do what she's ble to and get a job. She can always start later.

My dd is also 17. She's applied to uni but when she applied, she applied to defer for a year. Would this be an option that might motivate your dd?

We're hoping that by the time dd starts Uni, things will be pretty much back to normal and she'll get the proper student experience. She needs a break from education and is talking about what she wants to do in her year off.

My dd had also got into a rut, was feeling depressed because her grades had really fallen during the online learning and was spending far too much time just lying in bed watching netflix but seems to be getting her mojo back.

I work in the legal area, it’s very possible to get into by studying something else so I’d encourage her to think widely, if history or politics or the like interests her then consider going for that at uni.

It sounds like she’s lost her mojo a bit. It’s really understandable. Could you help her maybe with a tutor and study club, maybe arrange some fun activities or trips related to her studies and her future career? If she’s interested in law it might really help if she could get some inspiration by seeing things in person, might help get a bit of a spark back for applications.

It sounds like she also has a bit of writer’s block, the fear of the blank page, etc. Encourage her to throw down all her ideas, etc bad then cut down, rather than feel she needs to start off perfect

My dd is similar, she’s 17 and although she’s doing well after her first year she has hardly any motivation to look at uni’s, she’s struggled with online learning and fell behind a little with maths, she has no idea what her end goal is, what job she might like to aim for and keeps switching between possible uni courses she might like to do. I have suggested taking a year out but told her she would need to find work and not spend all day in her room. We have talked about not going to uni at all but she doesn’t like that option 🤔.

It’s been a awful 18 months for them with mainly being at home, I can see why they are losing interest.