Bereaved daughter failed by college

[Chickpeabiryani]

My daughter started A levels at sixth form college in September, having lost her wonderful Dad in May to cancer. She did amazingly well in her gcse’s despite starting them two weeks after we lost her dad. She didn’t pass English though so was retaking this along side her a levels.

She broke down last week and told me that she is so far behind in everything that she wants to leave college. She started saying she wanted to do animal care which we looked at elsewhere before she quickly realised that this just seemed like an easy option escape route. Sixth form cannot drop her fast enough, they will not even allow her to stay and resit English or move to BTECs. Ideally she would like to be in a position to restart her a levels year.

The other local college is telling me admissions are now closed and so we are having to look at a college 10 miles away who seem helpful and willing for her to just resit English alongside a BTEC.

I am very unsure how she will cope somewhere totally new and so far away from her friends, this is another just another massive upheaval in her life that she doesn’t need right now.

Am I correct in feeling that the sixth form have failed her? They knew her circumstances and surely should have informed me that she was struggling or at the very least have offered her some kind of support? Should I go back and have this conversation with as I feel they must have some kind of duty of care towards a child in her circumstances.

Sorry it’s long, thanks for reading any advice much appreciated.

So sorry for your family’s loss

Gosh that sounds pretty ruthless. I think it’s worthwhile at least having the conversation at her college . If only to get a clearer picture of any other options.
Your Dd did so well to manage to get good gcses.

Other than the college she was at, what other options are there locally? Go through everything you can think of. What about her old school?

I’m sorry you are both having to deal with this on top of everything.

As pp said try a school 6th form. It’s not even half term yet so I don’t see why she can’t change. You can definitely change university and university courses at this point in the academic year.
I am sorry for your loss

Would having a complete break from learning help at all? Maybe leave this year and restart education next September? Givibg herself time to grieve for her dad and look after herself a bit. I agree that she's done amazingly well to get good grades after everything she's been through, but maybe now it's catching up with her?

Condolences on your loss.

I agree with pp a year break is the better option. She hasn't had the headspace to grieve. If she changes school she will still be playing catch up. If she knows what she wants to do at uni or for career then she can spend the year volunteering in that area. It will even give her an edge on her cv or uni application. I would just first confirm there will be a space available at chosen school/college for next year so definitely have a meeting before making any final decisions.

Sorry for you loss as a family op.

To be so far behind between Sept and mid October- was she going in to college? Usually if someone is sat in class even if they are struggling they would not be that far behind.

Ooh definitely think about a year off. This is what i would be looking at, perhaps retaking the English privately. If finances allow perhaps look at independent education including BTECS from sept 2020.

Fwiw dd1 repeated a year of sixth form so left school a year after her peers, is now at uni and loving it. Good luck op.

So very sorry for your loss. The school staff should be ashamed. My daughter was in her last year of school when my son died. The head of year, form tutor and guidance counsellor talked to her about options.
She was allowed/encouraged to drop a subject and was given extended deadlines for assignments plus the option of taking her exams in a private room if she needed to.
She didn't get the grades that had previously been predicted naturally but she got a decent pass and was then encouraged further to not feel bad at taking a break from study.
She is going to UNI as a mature student next year as she's now ready.
If the school had been as cold and unhelpful as yours I would've gone nuts I think.
I'm sorry you both have this added pressure at such an already hard time

I lost my dad in the second term of A levels, so my heart does go out to her. On the surface I was coping well and was told how "brave" I was, but A levels did not go well. Grief does not always show itself in floods of tears.

I would try contacting the pastoral support at her college and also possibly the LEA to let them know what is going on and that your dd is being failed by the system. You could also try your GP for bereavement counselling .

Could she take a year out and return to A levels next year or just repeat the first year?

With hindsight, I now also realise what my mum was going through.

This is why I was very pleased my DDs both choose the less prestigious local college, it is much more flexible and caring (even the Learning support lead at the more prestigious college, hinted at that).

I would ask for 1:1 interviews with the different options and see what solutions they can offer and what support they can give to your DD.

What does your DD want to do? If she wants to leave studying completely then let her.
What grades was she predicted in her GCSEs and how far off was she? A Levels can be a total shock to the system after GCSEs and some students just can't cope with it.
My DD started A Levels with pretty poor GCSE results against my better judgement, then dropped out after the first year, changed to a BTeC, got a place at Uni and is now, 15 years later, a really high earner in a career she loves.

How can she be so far behind already? We're only about 5 weeks in? The college can and should be helping her to catch up even without her special circumstances.

But if the other college is helpful, could she get her English done this year while she maybe gets a job, and then start A levels or a BTEC next year?

I am really sorry for your loss

In her shoes I would drop out, have a year of self care, possibly private tuition if you can afford it to allow her to resit the English Lang (we used lots of YouTube videos to get Ds through it, including having 4 ready made stories that he could just rewrite in the exam and tweak to fit the title.)

Then she can reapply fresh for next September. They are entitled to funding for 3 years so it won't matter if she starts again. I will say a sixth form is probably more like a school and more caring than a college (personal opinion.)

She can also volunteer on her year out to see what she likes, or spend time investigating courses without any rush. If it helps my friend was so burned out by her GCSEs her GP actually recommended her taking a year out to "beach-comb" so basically just chill.

Can she easily get to the college 10 miles away? Is it easy journey? 30 minutes or 90 ? If so then go for the helpful college if she wants to try it.

Or as pp said it s ok to take a year just doing the resit and some extracurricular stuff volunteering etc