University year 1

[gump11]

So my son has gone off to uni and like many other parents I’m worried he’s going out too much! It’s a really weird situation because when he was at home he was never big into going out. Now he’s out clubbing about 4 times a week. He’s a summer baby and has always been a little less mature than people in his year, now he’s out with 19/20 year olds. I’m so worried on so many different levels about who he’s out with, amount of alcohol he’s drinking?how the heck he’s going to get through the course?what if he fails his first year? I feel like it’s a fine balance of parenting, I don’t want to be lecturing him because I don’t want him to stop telling me what he’s doing! What i feel like saying is “ if you carry on like this your going to fail, get kicked out of uni, you’ll end up in a dead end job and all you’ll have to show for it is a big debt!!!” But I won’t say all that....not yet anyway! Any advice out there??

I think you need at this moment to wait until the real lectures begin. DS1 is very easily distracted but I trust that when faced with studying and the need to knuckle down he will. I also know that he I sow the seeds of doubt into his succeeding it will work the opposite.

Should say “if I sow”

'Freshers' is very different from the rest of University life.
Start any conversations once life has settled down and he's run out of money in October.

Most first year students are 18 at the moment. Who are the 19-20 year olds? For September there will be lots of events organised and he’s probably joining in. When the work starts he will probably moderate his going out.

By the way, he doesn’t have any debt. He will pay a graduate tax. If he gets a dead end job, he won’t pay much graduate tax! He may well pay off very little of his fees and living costs so fun at university for free. Many are enjoying this lifestyle.

you are way over invested and over thinking and catastrophising

Going out 4 times a week is not incompatible with getting a good degree, even if they keep it up for the whole 3 years (and not actually that unusual).

It's his life - let him live it

Who are the 19-20 year olds?

Freshers - post gap year?
Freshers- who restarted their A level / BTEC course die to illness / change of interests and therefore were in sixth form for 3 years?
Second / third years organising / leading the events?
Second / third years from one's own school, who have gone to the same university?
Older friends/ siblings of other freshers?
Slightly older, non students they met in the pub / supermarket (students are allowed to go to 'real life' places as well)?

due to... Obviously.

Or slightly older fresher zombies, I suppose.