DS 16 not able to attend college due to anxiety - what now?

[kissgoodnightsam]

My son was off school all Year 11 due to anxiety/nausea and we were hoping it might be better when he started college. But he's just not able to get himself through the door. He has emetophobia, which is a fear of being sick, and some social anxiety. He has been seeing CAMHS for a few months but it's no help.

What are his options if he can't go to college? We are thinking a combination of distance learning and a couple of hours voluntary work a week if he can manage his anxiety. But his course of choice was a BTEC in Creative Media Production and academic A levels aren't really his thing.

Anything else he could do which we're missing? Any schemes linked to film-making or film-editing that we're not aware of? Or maybe just a year off to 're-gather'? I'd love to hear from anyone else who's experienced anything like this.

Your poor DS - and you. Must be stressful. I have two close friends who both had a DD with this issue. Both DDs took a year off to sort themselves out. They got part time work which helped improve their social confidence, and they did CBT and lots of self help meditation etc. Both of them then started college feeling much better prepared. The most important thing is to get well. Everything else will fall into place after that.

I really feel for your son. I am in a similar position with my DD. Although she managed Year 11, all of her senior school years were a battle with anxiety and the transition to 6th form was just as bad as l feared.

She attended 6th form today but massively stressed, so many tears and little help from the school who l don't think really understand how a 16 year old can be so anxious 😕 I also had to stay the whole day and don't have sympathetic employers.

No idea what we do now and tho l'd love to give her a year off to gather herself etc, as a single parent it would impact massively on my finances as l would lose my tax credits.

A nightmare situation and l don't feel like there is much help available to deal with situations like this.

Thanks for the replies. We are trying one more time tomorrow but have already discussed 'Plan B' with him. I think a year off is on the cards, primarily to help manage his mental health. For what's the use of qualifications if you can't use them cos you're too anxious to go anywhere?! I hope your DD gets in ok Friendlymum. I'm not sure how many tax credits we would lose, but not even any point in me looking as it would make no difference to whether he could attend college or not. No, there's not much help, especially when your children don't want to do anything you suggest that might help!!

OP I think it's really important he understands that he will have to start doing stuff he doesn't 'want' to do, in order to overcome this. He needs to build some images in his head of how he'd like to be able to cope and interact in the future and then accept the stepping stones for getting there. These might include a low pressure job, counselling, voluntary work, CBT and meditation, regular sport or exercise. But if he does take a year out, he needs to structure his time with an aim to getting better. If he starts to drift, his symptoms will get worse.

Milliefiori, you are completely right. We do know that. You have just said it much more concisely than me. I will show him your post.

He knows he can’t just have a year doing nothing. He doesn’t want to
either, he just wants to ‘feel better’. All your suggestions sound great. The problem is he also has several ASD traits (undiagnosed) so factors like self-discipline, personal organisation, communication, confidence, motivation etc make it much more difficult for us all. It’s very challenging.

Have you considered home education? My 18yo DS has just this week started Uni and my 14yo DD is home educated, sitting GCSES as an external candidate from January 2020 - June 2021.

She's chosen the subjects she wants to study and has been much happier the last 2 years. She's grown so much in confidence and her anxiety has lessened massively.

Hi Beanjar,

Yes I've considered home education. We effectively did this last year. But he really doesn't want to do A levels - he wants to do his Creative Media course - and he's not that academic anyway. And as far as I can tell there's no course he could do from home that is similar.

We've realised the main issue is really his mental health, rather than his education. So although he's still trying to go to college, I think it's going to be a year of trying to work through his anxieties, alongside some manageable challenges outside the home. Not sure what yet though - but that's my challenge!

Sorry to hijack this thread, Beanjar can I ask about home schooling? My DD suffering from anxiety and wants to do home/online schooling. Frankly I don't think she has the motivation to do it as she spends her free days from Sixth form in bed rather than studying. Nevertheless I would be interested to hear your experience. My DD is diagnosed with autism so I can see the benefit but as I said she lacks self motivation