Year 12 #2: Carols, commutes & a few stocking fillers

[Stickerrocks]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/further_education/3410431-year-12-1-gcses-are-sooo-last-year

Congratulations on the job, Kilash's DS - hope he enjoys it. They do suddenly become very grown-up when they work, don't they? I coast along thinking DS is my baby and then he says something or makes a reference to work interaction which throws me completely.

EllenJane Congratulations on a successful parents' evening - always good to hear praise for our DC!

DS has just had a reference returned to him by Head of 6th Form for a summer programme and we are so chuffed by what she's written. Apparently very well-regarded and has impressed his teachers so far. No parent's evening till end of year. We do have a post 18+ options/careers evening in March though. DS already knows what he wants to do so is very driven and motivated - something which his Head6F has picked up on: "academically ambitious", she said.

That’s great 242 - so nice when they’re appreciated by people who aren’t genetically programmed to love them!

A free period 4, plus close proximity to both school and the chip shop means my dining room is crammed full of DD and her mates. Very glad she knows her friends are welcome. No work being done though, but other days when only one or 2 friends come back they do seem to drink coffee, chat and do some studying too!

Lovely when your dc and their friends are comfortable in your house and in your company.

Yes, I'm glad! DD has a spare bed in her room, last weekend it was occupied by two different friends, one only arranged at 10.30 that night - this friend stays over so often I suggested leaving a toothbrush etc here!

Very reassuring conversation with DS2 today.

Because he doesn't socialise with anyone outside school hours (unless you count chatting on Discord) I was starting to worry that he no longer had any friends at school.

He says there's about a dozen of them that eat lunch together every day. His friends from D&D and those who use Discord are subsets of this. Plus he has a few orchestra/choir friends which are separate from this.

Thefirst my DS is similar in that he never socialises with friends out of school, so sometimes I wonder if they really are friends. Then on Friday evening he causally mentioned that some of them were meeting up on Saturday to go to the cinema and eat for a friend's birthday. And could I take him to the station! It was said as if this was a common occurrence rather than the first time ever!! Now the outing has been successfully completed and enjoyed! I wonder if its the start of things to come, or a one off!

DS2 is like this but so are his friends - they seem to be pretty social at school but otherwise communicate by gadget - but DS2 will suddenly surprise us every so often by announcing he's off to the cinema with his friends!
(DS1 disapproves of the friends and calls them 'annoying'!)

DD's social life has exploded since the summer, with a party or gathering at least once every three weeks, regular trips shopping or for meals out, and she seems to have widened her circle of friends too. She has a whole circle of friends through church as well as her school friend's, and more through dancing, and is often out with one set or another. Last night she organised 8 mates to travel to another city and back for their former youth worker's 21st. She organised and booked the tickets, and made sure everyone got to the train and bus on time. Really pleased her confidence is improving.

DS was much more communicate by social media, but has become more social since starting university. I'm enjoying watching the maturing process.

Place marking

I think it's a whole new way of socialising now - one that I am very unfamiliar with! Stories about tinder and online dating apps fill me with horror.

Both DSs don't go out much but like your children, socialise over the internet. DS1's in a whatsapp group with his friends and they meet when doing various activities - volunteering, Explorers or clubs. He's got very good friends from an orchestra who live all over the country who he sees only at residential music camps. I think they get close quickly as they are all away from home, stay up late chatting and go through the process of pulling a concert together. He rates them as his best 'true' friends. Even though they don't see each other for long stretches of time, I really think they will be friends forever. They are in a whatsapp group.

Do your DC drink at parties? Mine don't seem to be interested at all and drinking and smoking are viewed with mild disgust by DS1.

My dd is struggling a bit to break into new friendship groups at college. Mainly because she won't do anything at all to put herself forward. To the point where she won't even follow anyone on Instagram unless they do first.

She has gone to a few parties of kids from her old school. She takes a couple of bottles of cider. I buy it for her on the condition that she doesn't drink spirits. She's never overdone it but I did end up having to give a lift home to a 17yo boy I didn't know at the last party. It was that or leave him on his back on the grass in a t shirt in freezing temperatures .

I've got a bit of a reputation as the cool mum who knows all about booze and drugs because of my misspent youth. It's only partially deserved

Do your DC drink at parties?

DS1 started drinking at parties (or 'gatherings') from when his friends started turning 16 (beginning of Y11).

DS2 hasn't been invited to any parties, and wouldn't enjoy them even if he were. His idea of a good night would be half a dozen people he already knows, gaming (tabletop or computer) pizza & soft drinks.

That sounds like DS's perfect night TheFirst. Unfortunately he hasn't found many with that same view although he has just started a D&D club at school with 4 or 5 of them in. His school friends don't meet up outside school either but he has started to get a few invitations from different groups and surprised us by being keen to go which is great and may be another indication of new found confidence.

Yes to alcohol - from the summer hols after GCSE. But the deal is we buy 1 bottle, or at most 2 (GCSE results night) and that is all she is allowed, except for say if there is a toast with birthday cake. So far she has respected the rules (apart from one memorable evening at home with one friend when we were out, and we banned all alcohol for several weeks afterwards). I would rather know what she is drinking within limits, than ban it entirely. Not all parties have alcohol at them, all parties she has been to have parents in the background. Some parents say bring your own, but no spirits, others say do not bring anything, we will provide one or 2 each for each young person (checking with parents first). Gatherings (just a get together to hang out with mates) don't generally have alcohol but pop and pizza and crisps, parties generally mark birthdays and are more likely to include alcohol.

thefirst DS is as likely to spend an evening boardgaming with pizza and mugs of tea as in the pub and he is 19 and at university. He has a great bunch of gaming mates, who he also plays online with sometimes.

DD had a couple of bottles of fruit cider on NYE with friends. At dinner last Sunday she grabbed a can from the fridge. DH & I looked at each other & didn't comment. I'd rather she gradually tried in a safe environment. We would go loopy if she smoked anything.

Dark Fruits cider is popular with DS and mates (possibly because it doesn’t actually taste like alcohol...)

A very few seem to be smoking or using those jewel (?) things, but DS has asthma so has a good excuse to refuse.

What is a "jewel" thing?

Is it like a vape thing? A vape shop opened in our town recently to general outrage from residents. DS1 wants nothing to do with smoking anything but DS2 thinks it's cool .

Yes, something to do with vaping. They look like a USB stick?

It reminds me that a couple of years back I found something under DS's bed and I thought it was a vape because I had never see one and wasn't sure what they looked like. I had it in my hand and was telling him off and he took it out of my hand and showed me it was a pen!

DS2 (finally) got his Grade 8 result back. He got a Merit! He and I are both really pleased.

Well done him!

Wow That’s brilliant - especially when he was so busy