Year 12 #2: Carols, commutes & a few stocking fillers

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www.mumsnet.com/Talk/further_education/3410431-year-12-1-gcses-are-sooo-last-year

Twin good luck. The good thing is that it is not AS levels so there is over a year to turn things around.

I think she will be sleeping kick... by her own admission she is lazy. As I said earlier, I gave her a dose of tough love at the weekend, talked about resits. All I got back was a stroppy “I know”... can only do so much at the end of the day

Whistl Slightly annoyed that I’ve had to pull it out of the College though. I understand the sentiment of treating her like an adult but DD is 16

I don't really know the rights of a parent of a 16 year old? Do we have any rights or are they an adult (that can't vote)?

The problem with being lazy, Twin is that it's a luxury your DD can't afford, even for this one holiday. Unless she works harder than everyone else for the next 18 months, she will be making poor grades very likely. She already has catching up to do. I know that's what you've already told her.

That’s why I need the College onside Whistl - they haven’t replied since I’ve asked to sit in on the meeting to discuss way forward with DD. The sceptic in me thinks that they are annoyed that I’m “that parent” but frankly I don’t care what they think. Not letting it go. If I don’t hear back before end of term, I’ll be right at them in January

Thanks for all your kind words - ds really thrilled with his result which we really didn't expect, but it showed all the very hard work ds put in, so well deserved. I'm still smirking over the sight reading, as 2 month ago it was DIRE. TheFirst I'm sure your ds will do well and fingers crossed for Thurs.

Twin hope you get some answers from college. As an aside, I was the child that took Maths A level after a respectable O level and completel bombed it , realising I just didn't understand half of the concepts. I also avoided revision mostly because I just could not do it. Ds says lots of Grade 7 and a few 8 students are struggling with FM. Maybe a serious discussion with college about what they can do to support your dd.

No Christmas rest here - I'm off on the actual day but the rest of the week is a normal working week and our caseload is horrendous. On;y upside is that dh does all the Christmas food shopping - I hate the relentlessness of food shopping so I love having a rest!

Sost hope you feel better soon.

twin unfortunately there's absolutely nothing you can do. It will go 2 ways. Either it will be a wake up call and she will really work her socks of. Or she will say "Yeah, and......so what" and go back to bed. Labouring the point may just lead to rebellion and a breakdown in communication

All you can do is help if she wants it. I suppose the only thing left open to you is giving her the Uni course entry requirements and say she's not going to be able to do engineering and that she should consider what she wants to do instead - because she's not going to be jobless after school so she may need to start thinking about getting a shop job! Nothing wrong with working in a shop obviously but if she wants a traditional career then she needs to pull her finger out.

One of things you need to eliminate is that it may be a 'crisis of confidence' and struggling to keep up - and the reluctance to admit it. There's no shame in struggling- I know I do at times!!! Admittedly it is way harder to admit it.

I hope you get through to her.

TBH my DD would be totally livid if she found out I had been behind her back and contacted the school, but after some time of reflection she would probably be willing to accept some help - so backing off in the short term may reap the result you are looking for?

Oh dear, twin, your DD's situation does not sound good. I know what you mean when you say she doesn't listen or want to hear what you have to say. My DS is the same and I've learnt that what I need to get across to him is just that I am here to help and support him and ready to listen when he wants to talk or ask for help. This was us last week as he seemed to have spiraled into a depression (mostly to do with his PT job and lack of stimulation in school). It took about a week before he was ready to discuss it. There was lots of bed time cuddles (the only time I could get near him as he was prickly and shouty all day). Lots of me telling him how amazing he is - all that confidence boosting jazz. You know best what your DD will respond to.

I think the teenage brain is very quick to turn everything a parent or adult says to criticism. We say 'I'm worried about your results and wish you would try harder'; they hear 'You're stupid and a failure'. It's just the way their brain is wired at the moment and worse for your DD as she probably feels everyone (school, friends, parents) is critical of her. She's had a hard time these past couple of years if I recall correctly.

I wonder if you might throw out some practical options for her to mull over (without expecting an immediate response) e.g a few sessions with a tutor over the holidays so she can get up to speed (where I live, there are quite a few returning uni students offering tuition and are not expensive). Is she very keen on the subjects that she is taking? Is there an option to switch to another subject now?

I was torn for days about going behind her back Bpisok what finally swayed it for me was trusting my instincts. To add she has also been having counselling (long story), counsellor has raised possible autism so needed to speak to College about that too.

DH is very hands off, so balances out my full-on approach but seriously yes I am mindful of over doing it. Hard this parenting lark

it may not come to this and it may yet be turned around but is it worth considering restarting year 12 with different subjects. FM and physics will need a lot of work and accepting a lot of college support - not everyone want to go down that route and it is possible to take a different track. But I guess you don't yet know how sensible that would be. Good luck with it all.

Hi OneTeen, glad things are going well !

242 yes she has been through a lot. We have been softly softly.. but to no avail. Raised the idea of a tutor and her chemistry graduate no job cousin (he did maths and physics at a level) but she kicked out against those ideas.

There’s always an Engineering BTEC as an option if A levels turn out not to be her thing. My friend’s DS took that at college, got D D D from a mixed bag of GCSE results and has just finished his first term at Portsmouth uni doing engineering. He is DXed with ASD. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.

Gosh twin that combination of subjects is hard.

Our local 6th form college is similarly non selective in its intake but A level physics only having done Foundation Level is a big ask. Also the Further Maths. It sounds like your dd has been badly advised by the college.

I hope they do communicate with you. 16 is still young they are not adults yet.

Twin I think you'd mentioned the possible ASD issue previously and I have to admit that I'd forgotten it. That does make it harder.
Ditto the subject choices. I'd vaguely remembered that your DD was insistent last Easter that she'd do triple higher science privately, but I'd lost track and assumed that if she was doing the A level for Physics then she must have done the higher Physics GCSE in June.
It sounds as though she may have been bounced into the subject choices by the college, without being given much time to weigh up the options?
If it turns out that your DD is doing an unsuitable course, then it's going to be really tough for her. I really hope you can get through to her that you are helping

Well dd’s first academic report arrived with grades so I am a little less in the dark.

Apparently her target is A* and she is currently working at a B. There will be mock exams in March. It looks like they are putting them in for the AS Level in English Lit.

Ellen that route may well suit DD. Time will tell

Don’t worry Whistl hard to keep up with my DD and dramas... at the moment, no she isn’t listening that we are trying to help. Really hard work

Twin - the college should be pleased that you want to help! I hope they can come up with some ideas that work for your dd. It doesn't sound as though she picked the best subjects but she's still got various options if she needs to switch. So hard as a parent to look on though!
AH sounds like it's going well for dd - DS has AS level mocks in January.

I would echo what others have said - Maths and the sciences are very exacting at A level. EllenJane's suggestion of an engineering BTEC sounds like a viable alternative if it comes to that.....or an Engineering apprenticeship? (perhaps she has had enough of pure academia and is voting with her feet?)

Good to hear from you oneteen (although you are probably wondering who this is since I changed my name!)

My eldest (CCD at a levels) did indeed repeat year 12 as he got a DUDE at as levels. However after his as results he would not talk to me about his results saying he would talk to his tutor when he went back to school. Fortunately on day one of what would have been yr 13 he came home and said he was repeating yr 12 and switching eng lit for business studies. All was well that ended well (and I am forever grateful he clearly had a sensible and helpful tutor). However I was forced to butt out and glad he came to his own decision to do that.

ShalomJackie how does funding work out with repeating a year? I thought the state paid up to the end of the year in which you turn 18 and that was it?

You can get funding until the end of the academic year you turn 19. That’s what I did when after my A Levels I changed my mind so turned down my uni offers in order to do an extra year in another subject.

I think three year sixth form is becoming more and more common. Jut as restarting Uni if you struggle first time round or realise you're on the wrong course isn't seen as a disaster now. DC can either start again the next year or take a break, work for a while and come back to it. All of which is a good thing I think.

There might be some difficulty doing 3 years at the same school sixth form, there used to be funding issues with that (ie this might be out of date info), but changing sixth form and starting again is common as is doing a one year level 2 course at college and then going on to a 2 year level 3 course. If those 3 A levels turn out to be the wrong route for your DD, twin she does have this year to make up he mind to start something else. Either 3 different A levels or swapping to a level 3 BTEC. 3 years at the same college doesn't seem to be a problem for funding at all.

My DS2 has done a level 3 BTEC in computing himself, with ASD, but he did the bare minimum and didn't do that well. However he still came out with MMP, worth CDD at A level, which I'm convinced he wouldn't have got at A level. My friend's DS has really impressed me with his work ethic and got his D D D with pretty much the same GCSE grades as my DS and had no trouble getting to university.

DS did his 3 years at a state school ie. Same school from yr7-13 including 2 x year 12. Funding was never mentioned as an issue and I never appreciated it might have been until I saw on MN it might be.

Yes, I think my info might have been from MN about funding. Probably rubbish then! But you can definitely do 3 years in sixth form.