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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

Only DS leaving for uni - terrified

11 replies

WestieBoysMum · 10/09/2018 08:21

Hi, I’m new to mumsnet and have read loads of info and threads about this but am still terrified!
We struggled lots to have our 1 and only son who is leaving in 3 weeks to start a new life at uni.
Only 2 years ago he was also diagnosed with dyspraxia and so struggles with some day to day tasks. He’s a lovely, kind, well mannered lad and I’m so scared he’ll be a bit vulnerable, and/or taken advantage of, at uni simply because he’s so trusting. We’ve done our absolute best to prepare him but I’m petrified about how he’ll cope. We’ve done money management, he’s going into catered halls etc so we’ve tried to make things easier for him but still worry. Think Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory.
We’ve got a new puppy to help with the empty nest syndrome (in the guise of a friend for our older dog!).
I feel like I’m worrying like a machine and would be truly grateful for any advice, suggestions, tips anyone could offer.
Sorry, too, if I’ve not posted in the correct bit but am a newbie!
Thank you x

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 10/09/2018 08:25

I'm a bit worried too, but also looking forward to having the house to ourselves again at last. I think there's a support thread for people in our situation somewhere about - Higher Education topic maybe?

AlpacaLypse · 10/09/2018 08:27

Thought so... here

Madcatperson · 11/09/2018 19:40

My son's dyspraxic too and off in 10 days so empathise! We've got all the DSA stuff sorted, got laptop and various bits of software to make organising notes easier but I'm also bit worried about the social side of things - I think finding some like minded souls could be key to settling in. My son's worst fear is ending up sharing halls with a load of heavy drinking party animals! 😱

MrsRubyMonday · 11/09/2018 19:53

My biggest advice, from someone who graduated fairly recently, is to tell the uni. I have a chronic pain condition and depression and told the uni, they were incredible, referred me to their support services, smaller exam room with computer so I wasn't as stressed, offered lockers so I could leave stuff there instead of carrying, provided a laptop and a full desk setup for my accommodation. They worked with me to offer suggestions for things I didn't even think of but that really helped, I know they offer counselling, money advice services, 1-1 support for those that needed it. I had a friend who was dyslexic but wouldn't tell the uni as he wanted to do things himself, it was a lot more difficult although we did what we could to help. They are there to support you, make full use of it, it's what you pay fees for!

Otherwise, he will be fine. You may get a few uncertain or even tearful phonecalls to start with, I felt so homesick even though I loved uni. It was just a big adjustment. Remind him he can tell you anything, no judgement. I still remember my dad dropping everything and driving three hours to pick me up when I had an argument with my friends, knowing they were there for me was everything. I also remember phoning him one day in tears because I failed an essay, he listened while I sounded out solutions and decided what to do. Sometimes that's all you need, someone to help you talk things through, and it sounds like that may be what your son will need most. Knowing he can ring you for any little question and that you will help him through will be a big support.

You sound like an awesome parent. You've got him this far, he will be fine. Let him know you're here any time if he needs you, and if he's struggling. And remind him that if it's not working out, he can always come home. I knew one boy who dropped out first year but stayed in our uni town because he didn't want to tell his parents, got into a lot of debt. I know it may sound counter productive to talk of dropping out at this stage, but just a quiet reminder that it's ok to take some time and maybe go back in a few years may set a few worries to rest if he knows you won't be angry. A few friends considered it at times but worried about what their parents would say. My parents always told me I needed to do what was best for me, and I'm grateful for that.

LIZS · 11/09/2018 20:11

Has he applied for DSA and have support via the uni disability support team? Did he request accommodation that is , for example, quieter?

chocolateworshipper · 14/09/2018 18:54

Feel free to join our thread in Further Education - called "Class of 18 - Nattering as they go off in different directions" (or something close to that). Several posters in a similar position to you.

WestieBoysMum · 16/09/2018 12:50

Thank you ALL!!
Yes, he’s applied for and received some software via DSA.
Your advice has been really useful so thank you for taking the time to answer. You’re very kind.
Countdown is on but he’s really excited so no time bursting his bubble!
DH and I happy on the inside but jibbering inside!
Much love xx

OP posts:
Plexie · 16/09/2018 12:59

I don't want to stress you out even more, but has he been vaccinated for meningitis?

WestieBoysMum · 16/09/2018 14:59

Thanks, Plexie; he’s booked in at our docs next week.

OP posts:
Catblues · 16/09/2018 15:10

My dyspraxic son's also got the laptop/software and other stuff from the DSA assessment. He's got a training session on it all this Thurs at home but leaves for his uni on sat - not much time to get up to speed! Hopefully it'll help at least a bit with his dyspraxic/ organisation issues. Is you don getting any support at uni? Mine has been allocated a few hours of some sort of mentoring/ student support. The challenge will be persuading him to pluck up the courage to chase that up and book in for it when there ...hopefully they'll all find some kindred spirits on their courses though.

Golde · 17/09/2018 21:22

I've just posted about this on another thread but if you have Facebook there's a group called What I Wish I Knew About University which is very supportive.

It's hard when your only one goes off.

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