DS Not Wanting to go to University

[Icequeen01]

I have a DS in year 12 and it is quite clear he is not keen to go to Uni. We suggested tonight we start having a look at some universities but we could see the panic in his face. We have reassured him that if he decides he doesn't want to go that's fine, but we just want him to see what his options are.

DS is so like me, a home bird. He has a close group of friends but he's not the partying/out all the time type and I think he would hate the socialising side of uni. I totally get why he doesn't like the thought of Uni, I never contemplated it myself as it would have been my worst nightmare, but was lucky enough to go on to have some fab jobs. However, it is very different for kids these days and it seems they have to have gone to Uni to get a half decent job, or is that just my perception?

DS is doing computing, physics and business studies at A level and seems keen on doing an apprenticeship in something computing related. I worry about this as I know decent apprenticeships are hard to find. He's a bright boy who is still at his grammar school for 6th form (didn't enter his mind that he could go elsewhere for 6th form as that would involve change!) but he lacks motivation if I'm honest. We also told him that he needed to remember that his friends wouldn't always be around as they would probably go off to uni next year but he told us that 3 of them have decided they don't want to go either!

Just wondered if this is unusual? It seems, particularly on NM sometimes, that Uni really is the only way forward and to not go will ruin their careers before they have started. I would be interested to hear if there are any other parents in this situation.

My suggestion would be to stress to your DS that he can keep options open right the way through until he gets his A level results and beyond. This will hopefully reduce any anxiety which he (and you!) may feel about future plans.

DS1 had various university offers which he had decided to defer in order to work and maybe travel for a while. In the June he found out about a new apprenticeship in a related career. He actually got offers from two companies doing the same qualification.. What made the decision easier was that in the worst case scenario and he really didn't enjoy the work he could always leave after a year and take up the university place that he had deferred.
The reality is that he loves the work, the small company have given him amazing opportunities and in six months he seems so much more mature. It's a new apprenticship scheme and his employers are equally excited about seeing him progress and keen to support him through his part time degree. Also I was worried he would miss out socially by not going away but he has a new group of likeminded friends from the study part of his course so doesn't seem such an issue.

New apprenticeships are constantly starting, especially higher and degree ones so it's worth remembering that in a years time there may be more options than there are now. If you are visiting the unis it may also worth asking what degree apprenticeships they have or plan to introduce.

My son also really doesn't want to go to Uni. Currently in Year 13.
He decided early in Year 12.
His reasoning we respected, didn't want the student debt, worked ( Saturday job) with many graduates who struggled to find a job relevant to their degree.
He decided he wanted to earn straight away after college but also to qualify into a career.
He's been studying Engineering at college - not your traditional A level route.
Apprenticeships seemed the best way forward for him. We have supported him in this - but wanted him to focus on a 'proper' apprenticeship with good prospects.

He decided he wants to be a Quantity Surveyor. He set about researching and applying.

He has been lucky. He has signed his contract to start in September for 5 years.

It's with a large company. A higher level apprenticeship , the company will pay for his degree and pay his professional fees. He will be working 4 days a week with the 5th day dedicated to his degree studies.
He knows he has done well to get this apprenticeship, appreciates that the generous package they give him means they expect hard work, loyalty and results from him.

It was a highly competitive process he went through to get the apprenticeship & he's over the moon happy to of got it.

For us , it's a no brainer, if he's happy he's going to do so much better : Having an apprenticeship, than going to Uni against his wishes .

Yes , the degree will take longer part time than full time. But he will have no debt , hopefully lots of savings and a wealth of experience as well as his degree/ qualification in 5 years.
A job within the company will be offered after the apprenticeship if he achieves a 2:1 in his degree.

If your Ds really doesn't want to go Uni (as ours did) - there are really viable other options out there.

It depends what sort of computing job he wants -

IT support - no need for a degree
Grunt level programming - might get away without a degree
System designer, software engineering - degree

Have a look at this site.

www.notgoingtouni.co.uk

If it helps.. I didn't go to uni, got an apprenticeship in local council when I was 16, gained 2 qualifications and now earning £30k per year. I am only 21. Starting OU course in September, studying part time will take me 4 years.

We all get where we want to be, it's the paths we choose that make us different.

Good luck!

My daughter is going to uni but not lookin g forward to it. She hated 6th form and refused to work for her exams and got 3 Cs. She applied for uni in case she wanted to go but was at no point enthusiastic about it. We've talked about apprenticeships jobs gap year etc and she's not enthusiastic about those either. I think she's going because she doesn't know what to do instead. She's very indecisive about everything. I'm worried about her going and worried if she stays at home without an idea of what to do her life will roll by. I'm Hoping uni will help her to grow up but I appreciate it's an expensive way to do that. Should I stay or should I go sums up where we are I think.

Do you know whether he's had enough of eduction altogether, or whether he just doesn't want to go away to Uni? Just wondering if he's thought about going to Uni locally and living at home. This is what my DS wants to do next year.

We have a crossroads looming too, so also place marking. DS3 has an idea of a career he wants to pursue, but we really want him to apply for university's as well so he has options for next year, even if he ends up not going. He's very anti going through the process of applying.

If he goes to uni to do computing he will meet lots of like minded people. IT draws a lot of introverts. It also draws a lot of cash these days. Are there any IT camps that you can send him too so he can meet other bright young things? Maybe you could promise to move closer to the uni as well so that he can have extra support? His friends will all leave anyway, maybe just tell him to apply and defer for a year to take a gap year and figure out what he wants.

I thought I would give you a quick up-date on this thread.

After you all gave me such good advice we managed to get DS to attend an Open Day at our local university, meaning he could stay at home if he wanted to. Sadly it didn't start well as his idea of doing Computer Studies went quickly out of the window as they wanted AAB, with one of the A grades having to be in his weakest subject, physics. However, we also convinced him to sit in on a talk for a Business Management degree which he was also very interested in. He actually seemed excited about it - particularly because it is a four year course with a year in industry.

Fast forward to the end of last week and 48 hours after submitting his UCAS form he received an offer from our local university. He is so pleased with himself 😀 I can't believe we are even in this position. At the moment he is still planning to travel to uni but I know a couple of his friends are going to the same uni so who knows. Nothing will surprise me now.

Hopefully this will also help focus him for his exams next year! Fingers crossed now he gets his grades. We will also be looking at apprenticeships as a plan B.

So thank you all again for all your advice. It was so appreciated.

That is good news! I did wonder about the computing due to lack of Maths A level if I am honest! The high grade requred in Physics would be to make up for lack fo maths on suspects. The year in industry is worth a lot and, with maturity, he should be able to take full advantage of that and so may get a job with the same company.

I do think university should be about greater independence so I hope he makes new friends or it will just be a repeat of school with the same friends. Again, maturity should enable him to branch out. Do you ever expect him to leave home?

I definitely agree that he should go to a local university(if there’s a good one within an hour).
If he’s fearful of change, he needs small steps.
At the moment, he has a skewed idea of what university will mean for him because he’s terrified of the social effort he thinks he’d have to make.
How about a university summer school as an interim step.

Thank you both for your replies. OMG! He had better leave home at some point! want to get a dog! 😀

Seriously though, he talks about wanting to work in America. A bit of a pipe dream I think but we will see. He's a funny one. We were at a funeral recently and everyone was coming up to me saying what a lovely, confident young man he is. He hides his lack of confidence very well. He does push himself out of his comfort zones but it is always a slow, thought out process. He's so like me. I'm a confident, social person but I am very cautious of change.

He's passed his driving test now so is driving himself around although he is the most cautious 17 year old you could meet (rather this than a boy racer though). We can see him slowly but surely growing to fill his shoes. He will get there.

You can go to uni at any age.

Some apprenticeships allow degree level study without the fees which is not a bad option.